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How To Stop Fighting Over Money

Posted: July 10, 2025


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Money is one of the most common sources of tension in marriage—and often one of the least addressed. Studies show that 20–40% of divorces cite financial issues as a primary cause. In 2024, a Fidelity survey found that 45% of couples argue about money occasionally, and 25% say it’s their biggest challenge. Why? Because money touches every part of life: goals, security, values, and even identity. That’s why it’s essential for couples to view finances through a biblical lens—working together with trust, wisdom, and purpose.

What Drives Financial Conflict in Marriage

Every couple brings different financial habits and expectations into the relationship, often shaped by their upbringing. Maybe your family saved every penny, while your spouse’s family spent freely. That difference alone can trigger arguments. Some couples struggle because one person makes all the financial decisions, leaving the other feeling powerless. In other cases, money becomes a source of fear—especially for someone who’s anxious about never having enough.

Start with the “Why”


 Before diving into budgets and spreadsheets, couples need to ask deeper questions: Why do we want money? What are we hoping it will provide? Our answers reveal the value we place on money—and whether it controls us or serves us.

Jesus put it simply in Matthew 6:21: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.” The Expository Bible Commentary adds that our “heart”—meaning our will, emotions, and desires—is always pulled toward what we value most. If we don’t align our finances with God’s purposes, they’ll slowly steer our lives in the wrong direction.

Four Core Values for Healthy Finances in Marriage

Value 1: It’s All God’s. We’re Just Stewards.
 When we recognize that all we have comes from God, it shifts our mindset from entitlement to gratitude. Instead of saying, “I earned this, I can spend it how I want,” we say, “God, thank you for the ability to earn this. How do you want me to use it?” This mentality makes it easier to be generous—with each other, with others, and with God’s kingdom.

C.S. Lewis captured this mindset well in Mere Christianity:

“Every faculty you have…is given you by God. If you devoted every moment of your whole life exclusively to His service, you could not give Him anything that was not in a sense His own already.”

Value 2: Decide on Shared Values and Build a Budget Together.
 Create “buckets” that reflect your priorities:

  • Giving to God’s kingdom
  • “Have-to-have” expenses (mortgage, insurance, car payments)
  • “Want-to-have” expenses (entertainment, kids’ activities, subscriptions)
  • Future savings (retirement, college, vacations)

When couples agree on what matters most, budgeting becomes a team-building exercise—not a battleground.

Value 3: Be Willing to Compromise for the Bigger Picture.
 Every couple has disagreements about money. Maybe one spouse values saving more for college while the other wants a bigger vacation. Maybe one wants simpler birthday parties and the other dreams bigger. The key is to talk about it, empathize with each other, and find a middle ground.

Value 4: Budgeting Builds Trust.
 A budget isn’t just about numbers—it’s about honesty and unity. If one spouse consistently hides purchases or breaks budget boundaries, it creates mistrust. But when both are committed to the plan, it strengthens trust in every area of marriage.

Ultimately, your financial life reflects your spiritual life. When you handle money God’s way, you invite Him into your marriage—and that changes everything.

Talking Points:
  • Your money habits are a mirror of your heart. Jesus said that where your treasure is, your heart will follow. If your finances are driven by fear, pride, or selfishness, it’s time to re-evaluate what you truly worship. Matthew 6:21
  • Stewardship replaces stress with purpose. Viewing your money as God’s gift shifts your mindset from pressure to peace. You’re not just managing a paycheck—you’re managing God’s provision for His glory.
  • Financial unity is spiritual intimacy. When couples align their money with shared values, they build more than a budget—they build trust, respect, and emotional connection. It’s not about control, it’s about partnership.

Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. Matthew 6:21 says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.” What does your current spending or saving say about what you treasure most?
  3. In what ways has financial conflict impacted trust or communication in your relationship? What helped—or could help—restore unity?
  4. Read 2 Corinthians 9:7. How does this verse impact your view of managing money as a couple?
  5. Which financial “bucket” (giving, needs, wants, or future goals) do you tend to prioritize most, and why? How can you and your spouse find better balance?

 

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