Talking Points:
- Enmeshment is what happens without healthy boundaries. You allow the dynamics of your family of origin control you and it negatively impacts your own family.
- Relational enmeshment means your allegiance is more to your family of origin than to your spouse.
- Emotional enmeshment means your emotional state is affected by your interactions with your family of origin. Your spouse might say, “You’re different around your family than you are at home.”
- Financial enmeshment means you’re allowing your parents to have some level of control through their financial support. The reverse can also be true where you have financial responsibility for parents blurring the boundaries.
- Triangulation is when one family member doesn’t deal with conflict directly but involves other family members in the dispute.
Discussion:
- Describe your typical experience with your family. How about with the in-laws. (holidays, family dinner, reunion). What are some pros and cons to each family?
- Do you notice your stress level rising when you’re about to spend time with either family? Explain. Do you notice your spouse’s stress level rising around family? Explain.
- Of the 3 boundaries mentioned, which one best describes your family dynamic? How is each one damaging to you?
- Read Ephesians 4:29. How have you seen triangulation in each of your families? How has it done damage to all involved?
- Read Ephesians 5:31. What are some boundaries you need to put in place with your family? With your spouse’s family? How will you go about communicating those boundaries?
See Also:
View the FlexTalk version of this topic.
Adapted from Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.