The good news is that there are 10 laws of boundaries, outlined in the book “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, that can help you establish healthy boundaries in your life. In this blog post, we’ll take a closer look at these laws and explore how they can help you live a more fulfilling and balanced life.
Law #1: The Law of Sowing and Reaping
The Law of Sowing and Reaping states that you reap what you sow. In other words, the choices you make today will have consequences in the future. If you sow healthy boundaries today, you’ll reap the benefits of those boundaries in the future. Don’t be codependent and protect people from the consequences of their choices.
Galatians 6:7 Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. 8 Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.
Law #2: The Law of Responsibility
The Law of Responsibility states that you’re responsible for your own life and well-being. This means that you’re responsible for setting and maintaining your own boundaries. “Love one another, don’t be on another.” We can’t make someone else change.
Law #3: The Law of Power
The Law of Power states that you have the power to control your own life and set your own boundaries. You don’t have to let others control you or dictate your choices.
Law #4: The Law of Respect
The Law of Respect states that you should respect the boundaries of others, just as you want them to respect your boundaries. This means that you should be mindful of other people’s needs and feelings when setting your own boundaries.
Matt 7:12 Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.
Law #5: The Law of Motivation
The Law of Motivation states that your boundaries should be motivated by love, not fear or anger. When you set boundaries out of fear or anger, they’re less likely to be effective in the long run. Can’t be motivated by fear of rejection or hurting someone’s feelings with your boundaries. “Freedom first. Service second”. Some people give and give trying to stay in the good graces of others. It just doesn’t work over time. You grow resentful.
Law #6: The Law of Evaluation
The Law of Evaluation states that you should regularly evaluate your boundaries to make sure they’re still serving you. Boundaries should be flexible and adaptable, not rigid and unchanging.
Eph 4:15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
Law #7: The Law of Proactivity
The Law of Proactivity states that you should be proactive in setting your own boundaries, rather than waiting for others to set them for you. This means taking ownership of your life and being assertive when necessary.
Law #8: The Law of Envy
The Law of Envy states that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others or envy their boundaries. Everyone’s situation is unique, and what works for someone else may not work for you. Rather than wasting energy on wishing you had what someone else has, be proactive and make the changes necessary to have those things.
Law #9: The Law of Activity
The Law of Activity states that you should be actively working to establish and maintain your boundaries. Boundaries require effort and attention to be effective.
2 Tim 1:17 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
Law #10: The Law of Exposure
The Law of Exposure states that you should be open and honest about your boundaries with others. This means communicating your needs and expectations clearly and respectfully.
Talking Points:
Cloud and Townsend created the ten laws to provide a framework for individuals to establish, maintain, and respect boundaries in their relationships.
The laws include things like personal responsibility for creating boundaries and constantly evaluating how those boundaries are working and how they might need to change over time.
Discussion:
Describe someone in your life who struggles to maintain healthy boundaries with someone in their life (spouse, child, friend). What are the indications that it may be an unhealthy situation?
Which of the 10 Laws jumps out to you the most and why? Which law do you need to be more mindful of in your life?
Read Ephesians 4:14-16. Review the law of Evaluation (truth in love). Have you ever confronted someone before who has hurt you? How did you feel about that experience? In your own words, why is it important to speak the truth in love?
Read 2 Timothy 1:7. Why is it better to be proactive with your emotions and boundaries rather than always being reactive? Share a time you reacted to something and regretted your actions. How could the law of Proactivity and this verse have helped you in that situation?
Review the law of Exposure. Up to now, how have you made your boundaries known to the people in your life? What more do you need to say or do to make sure your boundaries are clear to others?
The official family values channel for pursueGOD.org. Join Tracy and Bryan Dwyer every week to talk about marriage and parenting and everything that makes for a healthier family.
