You don't have to lose yourself once you're married. There is room to have a couple identity and your own individual identity.
Talking Points:
- God created each of us as unique individuals so we shouldn’t lose who we are once we are joined in marriage. There is a way for two people to come together without losing their own identity. Psalm 139:13-16
- Dr. Fletcher talks about 3 models for relationships:
- Model A-Borrowed Functioning: This is typical in the early part of the relationship where you are doing a lot together. But over time, this will become suffocating and unhealthy.
- Model B-Emotional Distancing: This is when couples feel more like roommates than lovers. They are emotionally disconnected and intimacy is non existent.
- Model C-Couple Identity: This couple has enough overlap to feel connected but some distance to feel like they have their own identity. This is the model couples should aspire to create. Genesis 2:24
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- What are some things you did to win over your spouse while dating that you later lost interest in doing? How did that shift affect the relationship?
- Of the 3 models, which one best describes your relationship right now? What would you say is healthy about where you are and what needs some work?
- How can it help your relationship to have separate interests? How can it help your relationship to have some shared interests?
- Read Psalm 139:13-16 and Genesis 2:24. How can you celebrate and incorporate each of your strengths while also finding a couple identity?
- Come up with a list of possible options of hobbies or activities you can do as a couple. What steps can you take to explore those options further?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
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