We can make excuses and point the finger of blame at our spouse, but the truth is, marital conflict ultimately comes from our own sinful hearts.
James 4:1 What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?
Conflicts arise from a selfish heart
We fight because we want it our way. We don’t want to sacrifice or be sensitive to the needs of our spouse. We have needs and desires and we want those to be met. We set the rules of the relationship and we want our spouse to be a rule follower.
Don’t make excuses for your anger
It’s human nature to find someone else to blame for our shortcoming. Whether it’s our cultural heritage or what our families modeled for us, we want to let ourselves off the hook for the sins in our hearts.
Don’t let conflict “kill” your marriage
Jesus talked a lot about anger and he didn’t hold back on identifying it as a serious problem. In fact, he equates anger with murder.
Matthew 5:21-22 “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone,you are subject to judgment
What Jesus was saying is just like murder ends a life, anger has the ability to “kill” a relationship. Don’t let your selfish, angry heart destroy your marriage.
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- Read James 4:1. Give some examples of the passions and desires that are causing problems in your marriage?
- On a scale from 1-10, how selfish are you? Explain. Give your spouse a rating. Explain your reasoning.
- How would being less selfish help your marriage?
- Why is it important to analyze your own heart before looking to blame someone else for your anger and displeasure?
- What do you think of the comparison Jesus makes between murder and anger? How has anger and conflict hurt your marriage? What do you need to do to stop this cycle from continuing?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
