All day, every day, the culture around us is reinforcing its values and beliefs. But when compared to God’s word, much of what we hear turns out to be dangerous misinformation. Nowhere is this more evident than what the world tells us about the family. 1 Peter 3 addresses men’s and women’s roles in marriage, along with relationships in the church as a whole. What Peter teaches may sound foreign compared to society’s prevailing norms. But if we’re willing to make choices that go against the flow, Peter offers us a better way.
Our culture says “I’m the boss of me.” The Bible says “Submit to authority.”
The secular culture places a high value on personal autonomy. People don’t want anyone to tell them what to do. They are quick to reject authority if their leaders don’t support their preferences. By contrast, the Bible teaches that authority systems are established by God to help human beings thrive. Even though they are imperfect, we should respect and submit to the authorities God has placed over us. In chapter 2, this includes governing authorities. The exception is when the authorities demand something contrary to God’s word (Acts 5:29).
In chapter 3, the focus shifts to leadership in the family, where wives are expected to follow the lead of their husbands (1 Peter 3:1-2). The word “submission” means “to voluntarily arrange yourself under another.” That means it’s not about who is superior or inferior, but is simply an arrangement to bring order to family life. So rather than seeking autonomy from her husband, a wife should seek to be a team player in support of his leadership.
We’ll see below that there are two sides to this coin. In verse 7, husbands are called to act in ways that make it easy for their wives to submit. The larger principle is found in Ephesians 5:21, where husbands and wives are told to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Both husbands and wives yield to each other, but in different ways. But what if your husband is not a follower of Jesus? Peter gives the encouragement (2) that a wife’s godly behavior and attitude can go a long way toward winning him over to Jesus.
Our culture says “Beauty is skin deep.” The Bible says “Beauty comes from within.”
Popular culture is obsessed with external beauty. Millions of dollars are spent each year on beauty aids, and more than 15 million cosmetic surgeries are performed annually. Women pursue ever-changing beauty fads and trends. Looking your best is not wrong. But the culture’s ideal of beauty is often crushing for ordinary women. Peter points to a better way.
Peter points out that personal character creates an inner allure that is far more important than skin-deep beauty. Specifically, he mentions “a gentle and quiet spirit” (4). This is not about a certain personality type, nor is it calling for women to be timid or passive. The Bible gives many positive examples of strong, successful women – but inner beauty goes beyond just these qualities. And Peter reminds women with non-Christian husbands that they won’t be won to faith by outward attractiveness, but by the inner beauty of an exemplary character.
Our culture says “Patriarchy is evil.” The Bible says “Godly men exist.”
Many in our culture believe male leadership is simply an excuse to subjugate women. Sadly, plenty of examples in American history, including church culture, support this view. For much of our history, women could not independently own property or vote in an election. Abuse of male authority is all too common in contemporary society as well, from media CEOs who sexually exploit subordinates to men who physically and verbally abuse their wives.
The biblical approach is that male leadership does not have to be toxic. Godly men lead differently. Peter calls for men to “give honor” to their wives (7), esteeming them highly and expressing their value to them and others. Peter also expects men to “treat your wife with understanding” (7). Men need to know and understand their wives and lead them with wisdom.
This reflects a larger biblical principle of leadership. Jesus explained that leaders in any culture are likely to flaunt their authority to control others. But to his followers, he said, “Whoever wants to be a leader must be your servant” (Mark 10:43) Jesus himself provides the example, for he “came not to be served but to serve others” (Mark 10:45). Christian men are called to lead at home by honoring, understanding and serving their wives.
Our culture says “Men and women are the same.” The Bible says “Men and women are equal.”
Our culture is divided on this issue. Some act like men and women are the same, minimizing the innate differences between them. Others treat women as inferior – marginalizing, demeaning, and objectifying them. The biblical perspective is that men and women are different, but they are also equal before God. Verse 7 calls attention to one obvious difference: men are physically stronger than women. At the same time, Peter emphasizes their equality, pointing out to men that one’s wife “is an equal partner in God’s gift of new life” (7). Even though men and women have different roles, they are completely equal in their worth to God and access to his grace.
Our culture says “Christians are divided.” The Bible says “Christians, unite!”
Our culture is torn by division of many kinds. Many people expect the same from the church. Instead of one people of God unified by our common identity, they see denominational, political and social divides rending the church.
Peter expresses the perspective of the whole Bible when he urges Christians to live in unity, as described by five commands:
- Be like-minded: harmony comes when Jesus is the lens for everything else in life.
- Be sympathetic: care enough about others to share their joys and griefs.
- Love one another: create bonds of affinity and affection by sharing life together.
- Be compassionate: respond inwardly, at a gut level, to the needs of others.
- Be humble: don’t think too highly of yourself, but value others highly.
When we contrast the values and ideas of the culture to the Bible’s viewpoint, it’s clear that Christians are swimming upstream in a swirl of misinformation. When we put the Bible’s values into practice, we can expect antagonism. But our marriages and relationships will flourish most when we follow the better way of Jesus.
