Talking Points:
- Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Cloud, Henry; Townsend, John. Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition (p. 30). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.
- Compliant people have indistinct or fuzzy boundaries. They feel guilty for saying “no” and end up saying “yes” to the bad.
- Avoidant people don’t ask for help or admit when they’re overwhelmed. They end up saying “no” to the good.
- Controlling people don’t listen to or respect other’s boundaries. They are either aggressive in their approach or are more manipulative and indirect. Either way, this type of person gets their way.
- Boundaries are formed from our earliest days through our attachments with caregivers-usually Mom and Dad.
Discussion:
- Describe your understanding of boundaries up to this point. Would you say that you have a lot of boundaries or that you have few or none? Explain.
- Who in your life makes you uncomfortable at times or stresses you out? What’s been your typical response to their encroachment?
- Which of the boundary conflicts best describes you (compliant, avoidant or controlling)? Explain.
- Can you think of a situation where you found it challenging to say “no” to something that was not good for you? How did it impact your well-being?
- In what ways can you communicate your boundaries in your relationships and interactions with others?
- Read Genesis 1:1-19. Identify the boundaries God put in place in creation. How did those boundaries create order? How does knowing that God utilized boundaries challenge your understanding of your need for boundaries?
- Read Galatians 6:2-5. How would you explain Paul’s point in these verses? How does this passage challenge you?
See Also:
View the FlexTalk version of this topic.
Adapted from Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.