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Every parent wants their kids to grow up to be healthy, independent adults. That doesn’t just magically happen! The work you put in during the parenting years will directly impact the health of your kids. 

Parenting is about transferring ownership to your kids, teaching them about safety, respect and setting goals and sticking to them.  

Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.

Boundaries are the mechanism that teaches your kids how to operate in the world around them. You start when they’re young-in the toddler years – and build upon them as they grow and mature. 

Three Boundaries every kid needs:

  • SAFETY – Learning about personal safety will keep your kids on alert and out of danger and teaches them to take responsibility for their choices.
  • RESPECT – Teaching your kids respect is not just about obeying authority figures. It’s also learning how to be aware of other people’s feelings.
  • GOAL SETTING – Setting goals and sticking to them helps your kids understand delayed gratification and sticking with their commitments.

Discipline reinforces the boundaries you’re trying to teach. Effective discipline means it’s costly, age appropriate and proportionate to the offense. 

Discipline should have three elements: 

  • costly – it “hurts” and your kids want to avoid the consequence.
  • Discipline should adjust with the age of your kids. You don’t spank an infant or an 17 year old. Figure out the currency that speaks to them and then use that as the punishment.
  • And don’t discipline the same way for every offense. Not making the bed is a different infraction from coming home late from curfew.

Hebrews 12:11 No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

Parents, you have to put in the work and be dedicated to the process. You have to set the expectations for your kids and follow through every time.

Talking Points:
  • Parenting is about transferring ownership to your kids, teaching them about safety, respect and setting goals and sticking to them.
  • Boundaries are the mechanism that teaches your kids how to operate in the world around them. You start when they’re young-in the toddler years – and build upon them as they grow and mature. 
  • Discipline reinforces the boundaries you’re trying to teach. Discipline should be costly, age appropriate and proportionate to the offense.
Discussion:
  1. Describe your parenting style. How have you viewed your job as a parent up to now?
  2. Read Proverbs 22:6. What are your ultimate goals for your kids? What are you currently doing to encourage or to train your kids in those things?
  3. Why is it important for your kids to take more ownership of their lives as they grow? What happens when kids don’t learn this?
  4. How have you trained your kids on issues of safety? What are some areas you need to start emphasizing more with your kids?
  5. How do you teach your kids to respect others? 
  6. Share some goals you’ve set for yourself and have worked hard to accomplish? How can you use that example to teach your kids about setting goals for themselves? How does an instant gratification attitude derail this process?
  7. Read Hebrews 12:11. Evaluate your current disciplinary strategies. How do you need to adjust or improve to make sure your discipline is teaching the right things?

See Also:

View the FlexTalk version of this topic.
Adapted from Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

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