There is a lot happening internally before you even have a conversation with someone.
Talking Points:
- Self-deception (in conflict) happens when you try to minimize your own faults and inflate someone else’s. Philippians 2:3-4
- You’re “in the box” when you’re stuck in your own perspective, deceived by your justifications, and unable to see the other person’s perspective. Hebrews 10:24-25, Ephesians 4:2
- Three ways to get out of the box:
- See the other person as a person.
- Try to articulate their perspective.
- Try to find a solution together.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Think about the last conflict you had with someone. What was your mindset going into that conversation?
- Read Philippians 2:3-4. What does it look like to minimize your faults and inflate the faults of the other? How does that create a roadblock to resolving a conflict? How does humility help to guard against this behavior?
- Why do you want to justify your actions? Give an example of a time you did this in a conflict. Why is it important to hear the other person’s point of view?
- Who do you get “in the box” with regularly in your life. What do you notice that triggers you about that person?
- Review the three ways to get out of the box. Which one seems hardest for you? Explain. Why is it important to get to solutions?
- Read Hebrews 10:24-25 and Ephesians 4:2. What do these verses say about how to treat others? How will you get “out of the box” with people in your life?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Adapted from the book, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by the Arbinger Institute
