Christians should treat each other the way Jesus has treated them. In Colossians 3:12-17, Paul reminds believers that they are chosen, holy, and dearly loved by God. Because of that identity, they can “clothe” themselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. They forgive because the Lord forgave them, let love hold everything together, let Christ’s peace and message shape their life together, and do everything as representatives of Jesus. Life isn’t about us. It’s about him.
Setting the Scene in Colossians 3:12-17
In the previous passage, Paul told the Colossians to set their hearts on things above and to take off the old self like dirty clothes (Colossians 3:1-11). Sexual immorality, greed, anger, slander, and lying belonged to the life they used to live. Paul ended that section with a stunning claim: in the new humanity, the old divisions between Jew and Gentile, slave and free no longer define anyone, because Christ is all and is in all (Colossians 3:11).
Now Paul shows what goes in the closet once the old clothes are gone. Almost everything in this passage is relational. Paul is describing a new community, a church where people from very different backgrounds learn to live together under one Lord. For a topical overview of this passage, see Taking Your Faith to the Next Level. Here we’ll walk through it verse by verse.
Chosen, Holy, and Dearly Loved
Before Paul tells believers what to do, he reminds them who they are. That order matters. The Christian life isn’t a self-improvement project to earn God’s approval. It begins with God’s love and flows outward.
Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Chosen, holy, and loved is the language the Old Testament used for Israel (Deuteronomy 7:6-8). Paul applies it to a church made up largely of Gentiles in a small town in the Lycus Valley. People who were once outsiders now carry the family name. To be holy means to be set apart, belonging to God and no longer owned by the corruption around us. Peter makes the same connection.
1 Peter 1:15-16 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”
Holiness touches ordinary choices. It shapes how we handle anger, what we say about a coworker, and what we allow into our minds. Many Christians, for example, binge popular shows filled with graphic sexual content and assume it has no effect on them. Jesus took the eyes and the heart more seriously than that (Matthew 5:27-28). Holiness isn’t about being prudish. It’s about being free from habits that treat people as objects instead of image-bearers of God.
A New Wardrobe
“Clothe yourselves” picks up the clothing image from the verses just before, where believers have put on the new self (Colossians 3:10). Paul lists five garments. Compassion literally speaks of a tender heart that is moved by another’s pain. Kindness is goodness that actually shows up in how we treat people. Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. Gentleness is strength under control, the ability to correct someone without crushing them. Patience is a long fuse that refuses to retaliate.
Scholars often point out that humility was not admired in the Greco-Roman world. The Greek word was usually associated with slaves and people of low status. Honor and rising in the pecking order were the goals of a respectable life. Christianity turned that upside down, because the Son of God humbled himself all the way to the cross (Philippians 2:5-8). A famous conductor was once asked which instrument was hardest to play. His answer: “Second fiddle.” Followers of Jesus are learning to play second fiddle, putting others first because Jesus has already filled them with more than they need.
There’s also a warning hidden here. One man won goldfish for his kids at a school carnival and scrubbed an old aquarium with soap, not knowing soap is deadly to fish. Within days, the fish were gone. Sometimes Christians try to clean up each other’s lives with “killer soaps” like criticism, nagging, and temper. We mean well, but harshness destroys what we’re trying to help. That’s why Paul’s list is so gentle.
Forgive as the Lord Forgave You
Paul knew that when people live close together, they will rub each other the wrong way.
Colossians 3:13-14 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
“Bear with each other” means putting up with people’s quirks and weaknesses. Forgiveness goes further. It deals with real wrongs, the kind of grievances some people keep on a mental list for years. Paul’s motivation is simple: forgive because you have been forgiven. Jesus told a parable about this in Matthew 18:21-35. A servant owed his master an unpayable fortune and was forgiven completely. Then he went out, found a fellow servant who owed him a small amount, grabbed him by the throat, and had him thrown into prison.
Matthew 18:32-33 Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’
When we refuse to forgive, we act like that servant. We forget the size of the debt Jesus canceled for us on the cross, the “record of debt” Paul described earlier (Colossians 2:13-14). Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending a wrong didn’t happen or that trust is instantly restored. It means releasing our right to get even and handing the matter to God.
Over all these garments, Paul says, put on love. He says love binds all the other virtues together “in perfect unity.” The word pictures a bond or ligament. Love is like the belt that holds the outfit together, or the tendons that hold a body together.
Let Peace Rule and the Word Dwell
Paul then describes what should govern the inner life of the church.
Colossians 3:15-16 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.
The word translated “rule” comes from the world of athletics. It described the umpire who made the call in the games. When disagreements arise, Christ’s peace gets the final say, not our pride or our need to win. Paul adds that we were called to peace “as members of one body,” a reminder that the church is not a collection of individuals but a family.
Then Paul says the message of Christ should dwell among them richly. This is the same message the Colossians heard from Epaphras, the gospel that was bearing fruit all over the world (Colossians 1:1-14). It isn’t only for pastors. The whole church teaches and admonishes one another, because we all need other believers to encourage us and, sometimes, to warn us when we drift.
Singing is part of that. Psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit were central to early Christian worship. Many scholars believe Colossians 1:15-20 itself may preserve an early hymn about Christ (Colossians 1:15-23). Around AD 112, the Roman governor Pliny the Younger reported to the emperor Trajan that Christians met before dawn and sang hymns to Christ as to a god. Notice, too, that thankfulness shows up in verses 15, 16, and 17. Thankful people are much easier to live with.
Everything in the Name of Jesus
Paul wraps up the section with a sentence that covers all of life.
Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
To do something in someone’s name means to act as their representative, with their authority and for their reputation. At a pro basketball game, one fan once carried a sign declaring his belief in the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, and his favorite player. It sounds absurd, but we often spend our energy building our own name rather than his. Colossians 3:17 resets the priorities. Whatever you do, in word or deed, you represent Jesus.
That gives meaning to the most ordinary parts of life. A job that feels pointless, a conversation with a neighbor, a social media post, all of it becomes an opportunity to show what Jesus is like. Paul applies this principle to marriage next (Colossians 3:18-19).
What This Means for Us
God doesn’t ask us to manufacture these qualities on our own. He gives us a new identity and the Holy Spirit, and then he invites us to grow. God accepts us as we are, but he loves us too much to leave us that way. This lifelong process is what the Bible calls sanctification (What Is Sanctification?). A good place to start is to look at Paul’s list and ask someone close to you which of these garments you’re wearing well and which ones still need work.
Is there someone you need to forgive? Is there a relationship at church where Christ’s peace needs to be the umpire? Small steps of obedience in these areas make Jesus visible. And if you’ve never experienced the forgiveness that makes all of this possible, it starts with trusting Jesus. How can I become a Christian?
The Takeaway
How should Christians treat each other? The way Jesus treated us. Because we are chosen, holy, and dearly loved, we put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. We forgive as the Lord forgave us, let love bind everything together, let Christ’s peace and message shape our community, and do everything as his representatives. Life is about Jesus.
