Loving someone doesn’t mean affirming everything they do. Our culture says that if you really love people, you’ll approve of every choice they make. But Jesus showed a better way. When religious leaders dragged a woman caught in adultery before him, he refused to condemn her and refused to excuse her sin. He forgave her and called her to a new life. Real love tells the truth with grace, because it wants people to be free.
Jesus Shows a Third Way
In John 8, religious leaders brought a woman caught in adultery to Jesus and demanded a verdict. Would he condemn her or affirm her? The crowd assumed those were the only options. Jesus first told her accusers, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” One by one, they walked away.
John 8:10-11 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
Jesus didn’t crush her, and he didn’t excuse her. He offered mercy and transformation side by side. Our world says, “If you love me, affirm me.” Jesus says, “If I love you, I’ll free you.”
God’s Love Is Faithful, Not Permissive
Scripture tells us that God is love (1 John 4:8), so if we want to know what love looks like, we look at how God loves. In the Old Testament, God loved Israel deeply, but he never affirmed their rebellion or idolatry. Through Jeremiah, he spoke tender words right before Jerusalem fell to Babylon.
Jeremiah 31:3-4 The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. I will build you up again, and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt. Again you will take up your timbrels and go out to dance with the joyful.
God promised to rebuild his people even before the discipline came. His correction wasn’t the absence of love; it was proof of it. Good parents understand this. You don’t discipline your kids because you stopped loving them, but because you do (Proverbs 13:24).
God’s Love Is Sacrificial, Not Sentimental
Sentimental love says, “I don’t want to offend you.” But imagine a doctor who sees cancer on your scans and tells you you’re fine just to be nice. That isn’t love. Real love tells the truth because it cares about the outcome.
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
God didn’t wait for us to clean ourselves up before he loved us, but he loves us too much to leave us where we are. Jesus touched a man with leprosy while he was still unclean, and then he healed him. Jesus rebuked his disciples when they were wrong, even telling Peter, “Get behind me, Satan!” (Mark 8:33). He didn’t affirm our sin. He laid down his life to overcome it (John 15:13).
Our Love Should Be Humble and Bold
If God’s love is faithful and sacrificial, ours should be too. That means caring enough to speak truth, gently and humbly, to people we love.
Galatians 6:1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.
It’s often easier to ignore someone’s destructive choices than to have a hard conversation. But speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) is part of following Jesus. Jesus’ Great Commission calls us to teach people to obey everything he commanded (Matthew 28:20), not to leave them where they are. Truth without grace is harsh, and grace without truth is empty. Jesus offers both.
The Takeaway
Does loving someone mean affirming them? No. Real love, the kind Jesus models, refuses both cruelty and compromise. It forgives, tells the truth, and invites people into the freedom of a changed life.
