The best way to invite someone into a discipleship relationship depends on the relationship you already have with them. If you know the person well, simply ask if they’d like a mentor. If the connection is more casual, share meaningful topics and offer to talk about them. And if you don’t know them at all, let a pastor or mentor make the introduction for you.
Why the Invite Matters So Much
Most people who want to mentor never get stuck on the content. They get stuck on the ask. It can feel presumptuous to walk up to someone and offer to help them grow spiritually, so we wait for the “right moment” that never seems to come. Meanwhile, the people around us are hungry for someone to walk with them, even if they would never think to ask.
Jesus didn’t wait for his first disciples to apply. He walked along the shore, saw ordinary fishermen at work, and invited them into something bigger than they could have imagined. His invitation was clear, personal, and full of purpose.
Mark 1:17 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.”
Every discipleship relationship starts with an invitation like that. The good news is that you don’t need a perfect script. You just need to pick the right approach for the person in front of you, and then be brave enough to make the ask.
The Direct Invite and the Indirect Invite
The direct invite works best with established relationships, like a friend, coworker, family member, or someone you already see regularly at church. Because trust is already there, you can simply say something like, “I’ve been meeting with a few people to talk about life and faith. Would you want to do that with me for a few weeks?” Keep it simple, put a time frame on it, and let them say yes or no without pressure.
The indirect invite fits casual relationships, where jumping straight to “Can I mentor you?” might feel like too much too soon. Instead, send the person a short article or topic that speaks to something they care about, like marriage, parenting, anxiety, or a question about God. Then offer to grab coffee and talk about it. One good conversation often leads to another, and before long you’re meeting regularly. This is how Jesus engaged two curious followers of John the Baptist.
John 1:38-39 Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, “What do you want?” They said, “Rabbi” (which means “Teacher”), “where are you staying?” “Come,” he replied, “and you will see.” So they went and saw where he was staying, and they spent that day with him. It was about four in the afternoon.
Jesus didn’t hand them a commitment form. He invited them to come and see. An indirect invite works the same way, giving people a low-pressure taste of what a discipleship relationship could look like.
The Handoff
Sometimes the person who needs a mentor isn’t someone you know at all. That’s where the handoff comes in. A pastor, small group leader, or another mentor who knows the person can make a personal introduction and connect the two of you. It works especially well in a church that’s building a culture of mentors helping mentors, because people are far more likely to say yes when someone they trust vouches for you.
The early church saw this play out in a dramatic way. After Saul’s conversion, the believers in Jerusalem were afraid of him. It took Barnabas, who believed in him, to bridge the gap.
Acts 9:27 But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus.
Barnabas made the introduction, and Saul went on to become the apostle Paul. You never know what God might do through a simple handoff. If you’re a leader, look for chances to connect people who need a mentor with people who are ready to be one.
The Takeaway
When you invite someone into discipleship, match your approach to the relationship: a direct invite for people you know well, an indirect invite for casual connections, and a handoff when someone else can make the introduction. Some people will say no or not yet, and that’s okay. Be patient, keep praying, and don’t give up on one of the most meaningful things you can do with your life.
