The best way to start a mentoring relationship is with a conversation, not an assignment. Get to know the person, find out where they are spiritually, and then offer a short list of three or four topics to explore together. A warm, focused start builds trust and momentum, while a vague or overwhelming start can stall the relationship before it ever gets off the ground.
Start With a Relationship, Not Homework
One of the most common mistakes new mentors make is treating the first meeting like a class. With good intentions, a mentor might say, “Here’s a huge library of articles and studies. Pick whatever interests you and we’ll talk about it next week.” It sounds generous, but to a new mentee it can feel like a homework assignment from someone they barely know. Too many choices without any direction usually leads to no choice at all.
Mentoring is first of all a relationship. Before you can help someone grow, they need to know you actually care about them, not just about getting through a curriculum. That’s the pattern Paul described when he looked back on his time with the young church in Thessalonica.
1 Thessalonians 2:8 So we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.
Paul didn’t just hand people information. He shared his life. In your first few meetings, ask good questions, listen more than you talk, and let the person see who you are. Share a bit of your own story, including where you’ve struggled. Content matters, but it lands best when it’s carried by a real relationship.
How to Start a Mentoring Relationship With the Right Topics
Once you’ve connected, it’s time to give your time together some direction. Instead of opening up the whole buffet line, narrow things down. Based on what you’ve learned about the person, choose three or four possible topics and let them pick the one that sounds most helpful. They still get a voice in the process, but they aren’t left to figure it out alone.
Jesus himself paced what he taught his disciples. He knew there was a limit to what they could take in at any one moment.
John 16:12 I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.
That’s a helpful principle for any mentor. You don’t have to cover everything right away. Good first topics are usually simple, practical and engaging: what it means to follow Jesus day to day, how to read the Bible, how to pray, or a real-life issue the person is already facing. Early wins build confidence, and they make the person want to come back next week.
Stay Flexible and Keep the Goal in View
Mentoring is a skill, and like every skill it takes practice. You’ll learn to read people, to notice when a topic is connecting and when it isn’t, and to adjust as you go. If a conversation takes an unexpected turn toward something the person really needs to talk about, it’s usually wise to follow it. Your plan is a tool, not a cage.
At the same time, flexibility doesn’t mean drifting. The goal of Christian mentoring is bigger than good conversations. It’s helping someone become more like Jesus. Paul put it this way:
Colossians 1:28 He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.
Keep that target in front of you. Every topic you choose and every question you ask should move the person a step closer to a real, growing relationship with Jesus. When your mentee is eventually ready to invest in someone else, you’ll know the relationship got off on the right foot.
The Takeaway
If you want to know how to start a mentoring relationship well, begin with friendship instead of homework, offer a few focused topics instead of an overwhelming list, and stay flexible while keeping your eyes on the goal: helping someone grow to maturity in Christ.
