You should forgive someone who hurt you because God has forgiven you of far more. In the parable of the unmerciful servant, Jesus contrasts an unpayable debt with a small one to show how foolish it is to receive grace without giving it. Forgiveness doesn’t mean the offense was okay. It means choosing mercy over resentment, and it frees you from bitterness, even if the other person never apologizes.
Forgiveness Is a Lifestyle, Not a Limit
Peter once asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone. He probably thought he was being generous by suggesting seven times.
Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Jesus’ answer wasn’t a new number to track. It was a way of saying, “Stop counting.” In God’s kingdom, mercy isn’t occasional. It’s a lifestyle that reflects the character of the King.
The Story of an Unpayable Debt
To make his point, Jesus told a story about a king settling accounts with his servants (Matthew 18:23-34). One servant owed 10,000 talents, an amount some estimate at around $18 billion in today’s money. There was no way he could ever repay it. When he begged for mercy, the king canceled the entire debt.
Then the story takes a shocking turn. That same servant found a fellow servant who owed him about a hundred days’ wages, maybe $30,000 today. Instead of showing mercy, he grabbed him by the throat and had him thrown into prison. When the king heard about it, he called the servant back.
Matthew 18:32-33 Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’
The point is hard to miss. God has forgiven us a debt of sin we could never repay. When we refuse to forgive others for far smaller offenses, we act like the unmerciful servant.
Unforgiveness Leads to Bitterness
Holding onto an offense might feel like a way to protect ourselves, but it usually does the opposite. Bitterness chains us to the hurt and spreads into every part of life.
Hebrews 12:15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the wrong didn’t happen or that there are no consequences. It means releasing the debt to God and refusing to let resentment rule your heart. As Paul writes, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). For practical help, read How Do I Let Go of Bitterness?
Forgive Even When They’re Not Sorry
One of the hardest truths about forgiveness is that it doesn’t depend on the other person’s apology. Jesus ended his parable with a sobering warning.
Matthew 18:35 This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.
Forgiveness is about your heart, not their repentance. Reconciliation takes two people, and trust may need to be rebuilt over time. But forgiveness can begin with you today. When you remember the size of God’s mercy toward you, it becomes easier to release others from what they owe.
The Takeaway
We forgive others because God has forgiven us of an unpayable debt. Forgiveness is a lifestyle of mercy, not a numbers game. It doesn’t approve of the offense, but it frees us from bitterness, and we can offer it from the heart even when the other person never apologizes.
