Who to Date

Dating is one of the most confusing and emotionally charged topics in life. For many, it’s a source of both excitement and anxiety — full of hope, but also frustration. Ben Stuart compares it to “yell practice” at Texas A&M — it stirs up a lot of noise and energy!

The Bible doesn’t talk directly about modern dating, but it offers timeless wisdom for relationships. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” When our hope in relationships is misplaced — when we expect another person to complete us — disappointment follows. But when we look to God first, dating becomes an opportunity for discernment and growth, not desperation.

Dating Is for Evaluation, Not Completion

The purpose of dating isn’t to find someone who completes you — it’s to evaluate whether you can run with someone toward God’s purposes. Proverbs 25:28 warns, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” Before looking for “the one,” we need to become someone who’s whole in Christ.

Cultural messages often tell us that love will fix everything, but God invites us to develop maturity and discernment first. Dating can form us spiritually by teaching patience, self-control, and humility — if we let it.

Three Qualities to Look For

If dating is about evaluation, what should we look for? Ben Stuart identifies three essentials — cause, character, and chemistry.

1. Same Cause: Look for someone running in the same direction spiritually. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” Shared faith and values matter more than shared hobbies.

2. Godly Character: Don’t just look for someone with the label “Christian.” Look for consistent fruit over time. Psalm 1:1–3 describes a person rooted in God’s Word — stable, fruitful, and trustworthy.

3. Healthy Chemistry: Attraction is important, but it can’t be the foundation. Proverbs 31:30 reminds us, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Chemistry should support character, not replace it.

When cause, character, and chemistry align, relationships thrive in health and purpose.

Practical Warnings

Dating culture often distorts what matters most. Social media, apps, and unrealistic standards can create a false picture of love. Romans 12:2 calls us to “not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

God wants you to approach dating differently — not with fantasy checklists or shallow attraction, but with wisdom and faith. Let His Word shape your expectations and priorities.

The Challenge

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When you center your heart on God, He aligns your desires with His purpose.

If you’re single, use this time to grow in your devotion to God’s cause. If you’re dating, evaluate your relationship through the lens of cause, character, and chemistry. Don’t rush or settle — let Jesus lead.

Dating isn’t about finding someone perfect; it’s about becoming the kind of person who can love well and honor God in every stage.

How to Date
Dating can feel complicated, emotional, and confusing—especially when our longing for connection meets a culture with fuzzy rules and mixed expectations. In Genesis 2:18, we’re told that our longing for companionship is God-given. The ache to “pair off” isn’t the problem. The challenge is how we approach dating with wisdom instead of fear, clarity instead of confusion, purity instead of pressure, and community instead of isolation.

In this lesson, Ben Stuart breaks down four principles to help us date in a way that honors God and protects our hearts: prayerfully, with clarity, with autonomy and purity, and with grace in community. As we’ll see, dating isn’t about desperation or guessing games—it’s about thoughtful evaluation, healthy boundaries, and trusting God with every step.

Opening Story:
Ben shares a moment from being in Mexico where beauty stirred a longing to share life with someone. That desire for companionship is not wrong—it’s from God. But modern dating often distorts that longing, turning something meant to be joyful into something stressful and unclear.

Key Verse:
Genesis 2:18 – “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Main Point 1: Date Prayerfully

Confidence in God removes panic from dating. Proverbs 3:5-6 calls us to trust Him with all our heart and let Him “make our paths straight.” When we pray through dating decisions, we stop rushing, forcing, or manipulating outcomes. Dating prayerfully means inviting God into the process, trusting Him with timing, and letting Him lead.

Key Verse: Proverbs 3:5-6

Main Point 2: Date with Clarity

Ambiguity fuels anxiety, but clarity is kindness. Ephesians 4:15 calls us to “speak the truth in love,” which applies to dating too. Clear intentions, honest conversations, and an appropriate “exit ramp” help both people feel respected. Unclear communication often leads to avoidable confusion and emotional pain.

Key Verse: Ephesians 4:15

Main Point 3: Date with Autonomy & Purity

Dating is not marriage—it’s a process of evaluation, not a covenant. When couples act like they’re married before they actually are, pressure skyrockets and clarity disappears. Scripture reminds us to treat each other with “absolute purity” (1 Timothy 5:2). Sexual intimacy outside of marriage creates emotional fog and complicates wise decision-making.

Key Verse: 1 Timothy 5:2

Main Point 4: Date Graciously & in Community

Kindness makes people more attractive in lasting ways. Dating graciously means no ghosting, manipulation, or careless words—just treating people like sons and daughters of the King. Proverbs 11:14 reminds us that there is wisdom and safety in community. Invite trusted mentors and friends into the process.

Key Verse: Proverbs 11:14

Closing Challenge: Date Patiently, Trusting God

Move at a pace that honors God. Not frantic. Not stagnant. “As fast as you can, as slow as you must.” Psalm 27:14 reminds us to “Wait for the Lord” with courage. Wisdom grows in patience.

Key Verse: Psalm 27:14

From Singleness to Engagement: How Do You Know They’re “The One”?

Dating is risky. Anyone who’s tried it knows the emotional whiplash—hope, disappointment, excitement, confusion, and sometimes heartbreak. A bad date becomes a funny story later. But investing your heart over time only to see it fall apart can leave real wounds. And yet, despite the risk, we all show up at weddings and think, I want that. The question is how we get from singleness, through dating, and into the lifelong gift God calls marriage.

Scripture doesn’t ignore this tension. Instead of only warning us about lust or heartbreak, God gives us a beautiful picture of love done right in the Song of Solomon. This poetic book celebrates attraction, commitment, vulnerability, and covenant love—showing us what healthy movement from dating into engagement actually looks like.

Throughout this journey, Scripture gives us both feelings to experience and fruit to observe that help us discern whether this relationship is truly leading toward marriage.

What You Should Feel

1. God-given excitement

The Song of Solomon opens with raw, unfiltered attraction:
“Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.” Song of Solomon 1:2 (NLT)

Excitement isn’t shallow or sinful—it’s part of God’s design. This isn’t just physical chemistry, though. The woman says his name is like perfume poured out. In the Bible, a name represents character and reputation. True attraction grows when character is beautiful.
A good reputation is more valuable than costly perfume. Ecclesiastes 7:1 (NLT)

2. Enjoyment and friendship

This couple delights in each other’s presence. They call each other “beloved” and “friend.” Attraction alone isn’t enough—you need kindness, laughter, trust, and genuine enjoyment. Time together shouldn’t drain life; it should multiply it.

3. Growth and life

When love is healthy, it brings spiritual springtime:
“The winter is past… the flowers are springing up.” Song of Solomon 2:11–12 (NLT)

Ask the hard question: Am I becoming more alive in my faith, character, and joy because of this relationship—or less? God-honoring love makes us better, not smaller.

What You Should See

1. A growing resolve to stay

Love matures into commitment before vows are ever spoken.
“Love is as strong as death… Many waters cannot quench love.” Song of Solomon 8:6–7 (NLT)

Do both people show a desire to work through conflict rather than escape it? Engagement requires the internal decision: I want us to win together.

2. Healthy communication

Conflict is inevitable. What matters is how it’s handled.
Gentle words are a tree of life. Proverbs 15:4 (NLT)

Mature love speaks honestly without attacking motives. It seeks unity, not victory. If conversations consistently cut, silence, or shame, that’s not preparation for covenant.

3. The courage to confess

As intimacy deepens, vulnerability becomes unavoidable. The beloved invites, “Let me see your face; let me hear your voice.” Song of Solomon 2:14 (NLT)

Before moving toward engagement, there must be honesty about past failures, wounds, and sins.
People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy. Proverbs 28:13 (NLT)

Confession builds trust, invites healing, and reveals whether the other person loves like Christ—who knows us fully and loves us anyway.

4. Community affirmation

Love doesn’t thrive in isolation. Friends help “catch the little foxes” that ruin relationships. Song of Solomon 2:15 (NLT). God often confirms wise relationships through wise community.

The Gospel Connection

Ultimately, human love reflects a greater love. Jesus pursues His bride knowing every flaw, forgiving every sin, and giving Himself fully.
Christ loved the church and gave up his life for her… to make her holy and clean. Ephesians 5:25–26 (NLT)

Before we can love well, we must be loved deeply by God. When His grace shapes us, our relationships begin to reflect His design.

Dating may be risky—but God’s wisdom makes the path clear. When excitement, life, commitment, communication, confession, and community align, love can move confidently toward engagement and beyond.

MARRIAGE: ICE CREAM OR GELATO?

Right out of college, a guy planned a trip to Italy. He wanted the ancient sites: the Pantheon, the Vatican, the art, the history. A friend who had already been there offered advice, but it was… unexpected. “Sure, see the Pantheon,” he said, “but take a left for the rice-flavored gelato.” “Go to Vatican City,” he said, “but leave time for gelato out front.” The traveler ignored him—until one day he tried it. One bite, and he mourned the wasted days. It wasn’t just “Italian ice cream.” Same name, totally different ingredients.

That’s a picture of how many people feel about marriage today. They’ve “had ice cream.” They’ve watched divorces, betrayals, cold roommates-in-the-same-house relationships, and the pain that comes with romance gone wrong. Some have concluded, “Marriage doesn’t work. Maybe it’s not even good.” And if what you’ve seen is a counterfeit—selfishness, passivity, domination, infidelity—then rejecting that makes sense.

But the Bible invites us to consider a better question: Have we seen marriage with God’s ingredients? Marriage isn’t a modern American idea. It’s God’s idea. Paul points back to the beginning, quoting Genesis: “The two are united into one.” Ephesians 5:31 (NLT).

God’s design: “It is good”

In Genesis, God repeatedly calls creation “good.” But then comes the first “not good”: “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Genesis 2:18 (NLT). This isn’t just about romance—it’s about human flourishing. We were made for relationship. And when Adam sees Eve, he erupts with poetry—recognition, delight, safety: “At last!” Genesis 2:23 (NLT). Marriage, as designed by God, is meant to be life-giving.

The problem: sin poisons love

Then Genesis 3 happens. When humanity breaks trust with God, everything downstream fractures—including marriage. Power becomes domination. Desire becomes manipulation. Love becomes self-protection. The Bible is honest: the fall introduces conflict, fear, and selfishness into the closest relationships. Genesis 3:16 (NLT).

So when people say, “Marriage is broken,” they’re not wrong. But the Bible would say: Yes—and it’s broken because we’re broken. The answer isn’t to throw away marriage. It’s to return to the Maker.

The healing: wisdom is living God’s way

In Ephesians, Paul says the Christian life begins with God’s rescue, not our self-improvement. Then he calls us to “live wisely,” to be filled with the Spirit, and to let worship and encouragement shape our relationships. Ephesians 5:15-20 (NLT). When God’s Spirit fills a home, words change. Tone changes. Selfishness gets confronted. Healing becomes possible.

That’s the runway into Paul’s marriage teaching: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 (NLT). Marriage isn’t about who “wins.” It’s about two people arranging their lives around Jesus.

Wives: a willing, trusting posture

Paul says, “For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22 (NLT). That word can feel explosive, especially when people have seen it abused. But Scripture never calls a man to subjugate a woman. Instead, this is a voluntary posture within a covenant relationship—where a wife chooses to support, respect, and affirm her husband’s responsibility before God.

And it only makes sense when the husband is actually acting like Jesus.

Husbands: love that initiates and sacrifices

Paul spends far more time addressing husbands: “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” Ephesians 5:25 (NLT). That’s the ingredient many counterfeits lack. Biblical leadership isn’t control; it’s cross-shaped sacrifice. Jesus moved toward us first. He didn’t wait for us to improve. And he didn’t use power to take—he used power to give.

A husband’s calling, then, is to initiate and sacrifice so his wife can flourish under God—to protect, provide, nurture, and cherish. Ephesians 5:28-29 (NLT). This kind of love doesn’t shrink a woman; it strengthens her. It doesn’t erase her voice; it honors her. It doesn’t keep her small; it helps her become more fully who God made her to be.

The purpose: marriage displays the gospel

Paul calls this a “great mystery,” meaning something once hidden, now revealed: marriage ultimately points beyond itself. Ephesians 5:32 (NLT). Christian marriage is meant to show the world what Jesus is like—his commitment, his mercy, his faithful love.

So if you’ve been cynical about marriage, you’re not alone. Pain can make us suspicious. But don’t reject the real thing because you’ve tasted the counterfeit. God’s design isn’t oppression. It’s freedom. And before any relationship with a spouse, the most important relationship is with the Savior—who ran into our brokenness, gave his life, and brings us home.

That’s not ice cream. That’s gelato.

Scripture References (NLT):
Genesis 2:18, 2:23; Genesis 3:16; Ephesians 5:15-33

MARRIAGE ON MISSION: COMMUNITY FORGED BY A COMMON CAUSE

Most of us long for the same two things, whether we can articulate them or not: intimacy and impact. We want to be deeply known and deeply useful. We want community—people who are glad to see us and miss us when we’re gone. And we want a cause—something worthy of giving our lives to. Those two longings are woven deep into the human heart, and Scripture shows us they are inseparable. The strongest communities are always forged by a commitment to a common cause.

That’s true in the military, in businesses, on teams, and it’s especially true in marriage. Marriage isn’t meant to be two people staring into each other’s eyes trying to squeeze meaning out of romance alone. It’s meant to be two people gripping hands and running together into the purpose God has given them. A marriage is strongest—and safest—when it’s built around a shared mission.

The New Testament gives us a rare window into a godly marriage lived this way through the lives of Priscilla and Aquila. They never preached from a stage, wrote a book, or led an army. Yet their faithfulness shaped the early church and still impacts us today. They remind us that the spotlight doesn’t always shine where the real action is. God often does His most important work through ordinary people who quietly put their lives at His disposal.

Hospitality: Leveraging What You Have

When Priscilla and Aquila first appear in Acts 18, they’ve just been uprooted from Rome due to persecution. They settle in Corinth and start a tentmaking business. When the apostle Paul arrives, they open their home, their work, and their lives to him. Acts 18:3 (NLT) tells us Paul stayed and worked with them because they shared the same trade.

Their hospitality wasn’t casual generosity; it was full-life availability. Their house became Paul’s base of operations while the gospel took root in Corinth. A church was planted, lives were changed, and history shifted—because one couple said, “All we have belongs to God.”

Peter captures this mindset perfectly: “Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay… God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” 1 Peter 4:9–10 (NLT). You don’t have to be a preacher to matter. A home, a table, a business, or even a simple lunch can become a place where eternity is touched.

Availability: Seeing Yourself as the Solution

Later, in Ephesus, Paul leaves Priscilla and Aquila behind. A gifted preacher named Apollos arrives—passionate, eloquent, but incomplete in his understanding of Jesus. Instead of criticizing him from a distance or waiting for someone “more qualified” to step in, Priscilla and Aquila take him aside and lovingly explain the way of God more accurately. Acts 18:26 (NLT).

They saw a problem and didn’t say, “Someone should do something.” They said, “We are someone.” Their availability helped shape Apollos into a powerful leader whose ministry rivaled Paul’s and strengthened churches across the Roman world. Living on mission means being willing to step in wherever God places you—even when it’s uncomfortable or unexpected.

Faithfulness: Running Together to the End

Priscilla and Aquila show up again and again in Paul’s letters—to Corinth, Ephesus, Rome, and finally in Paul’s last words to Timothy. They hosted churches in their homes. They risked their lives for the gospel. They stayed faithful for decades. Their names even switch order in Scripture, highlighting that they served side by side, equally invested in the mission.

Marriage on mission isn’t about a season; it’s about a lifetime. It’s deciding early, “We will not quit. We will run together until the end.” Whether married or single, this calling applies to all of us. Singleness is devotion to the Lord. Marriage is devotion together. Both are invitations to live for something bigger than ourselves.

When a marriage—or a life—is anchored to God’s mission, intimacy deepens and impact multiplies. Communities grow stronger. The church advances. And ordinary people become part of an extraordinary story that will echo into eternity.