Single, Dating, Engaged, Married

In this book study, pastor and author Ben Stuart dives into the biblical truths surrounding relationship, from single to married, and illuminates how we as Christians are called, by God, to love one another.

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PursueGOD is a new kind of discipleship curriculum for an increasingly complicated world. We use podcasts on a variety of topics to offer no-nonsense answers to everyday questions. Then we organize these podcasts into series so you can use them to make disciples at church, home, or in the world. Here’s how it works:

  1. Pick a series from our homepage. There's plenty to choose from!
  2. Each series contains multiple lessons. Click on the numbered tabs to open each lesson.
  3. Start by listening to the podcast on your own, before you meet as a group. Take notes as needed, and listen again if it helps. Consider starting a discipleship journal to track what you're learning.
  4. Meet as a group to talk through what you learned from the podcast. Each lesson includes shownotes, talking points, and discussion questions. Click on the # tab to explore additional topics.
  5. Listen to the podcast above for more helpful tips or check out one of our many training series.

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How to Thrive in Your Singleness

Many people see singleness as a waiting room for real life — a holding pattern until marriage or the next big milestone. But according to Scripture, singleness is not a curse to escape; it’s a calling to embrace.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul calls both marriage and singleness “gifts.” Each season comes with its own opportunities and challenges, but both are meant to lead us closer to God and advance His kingdom. When we learn to see singleness through God’s eyes, we discover purpose, freedom, and joy right where we are.

Singleness Is a Gift with Purpose

Paul reminds believers that singleness is “for your own benefit” (1 Corinthians 7:35). God gives it to some for a time and to others for a lifetime. Either way, it’s not meant to punish you but to position you for deeper devotion. James 1:17 reminds us, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father.” Singleness is one of those gifts — a season designed to know God more intimately and serve Him without distraction.

When we start seeing our current season as a divine gift instead of a delay, gratitude grows and comparison fades.

The Bigger Story

It’s easy to let romance, marriage, or career become the main story of life. But Colossians 3:2 tells us, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” God’s bigger story isn’t about our relationship status — it’s about His kingdom and redemption through Christ.

Singleness offers a clear window into that eternal perspective. It gives us space to remember that we were made not just for romance but for relationship with God and His mission. When we live with eternity in view, singleness becomes less about what’s missing and more about what’s possible.

Freedom & Focus

Paul describes singleness as an opportunity for “undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:35). Without the daily responsibilities of marriage or family, singles have a unique freedom to serve, grow, and invest in others. Ephesians 5:15–16 calls us to “make the most of every opportunity.”

That means using this season to deepen your faith, pursue your calling, and build the kingdom. The real danger isn’t singleness itself — it’s wasting it on distractions or self-centered living.

The Challenge

Singleness is temporary. It ends either in marriage or in eternity with Christ. So the question isn’t, “Will you waste it?” but “How will you use it?”

Whether you’re single for a season or a lifetime, God’s purpose remains the same — to live with undivided devotion to Him. As you trust Him with your future, you can thrive in your present.

Talking Points:
  • Singleness is a gift, not a punishment. God gives it for your benefit and to draw you closer to Him. 1 Corinthians 7:35, James 1:17
  • Every believer experiences singleness at some point — it’s a season with purpose, not a problem to solve.
  • God’s bigger story is about His kingdom and redemption, not our relationship status. Colossians 3:2
  • Singleness provides freedom to serve, grow spiritually, and focus on God’s mission in ways that might not be possible later. Ephesians 5:15–16
  • The ultimate goal of every season — single or married — is “undivided devotion to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:35

Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. Why do you think many people struggle to see singleness as a gift from God?
  3. What are some ways you can use this season of singleness to grow closer to God and serve others?
  4. How have you experienced pressure from culture, friends, or family to view singleness negatively?
  5. What might change in your heart or habits if you saw your time as a “kingdom resource”?
  6. How can gratitude reshape your outlook on this current season?
  7. If you had one sentence to describe how you want to use your singleness for God’s glory, what would it be?

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Who to Date

Dating is one of the most confusing and emotionally charged topics in life. For many, it’s a source of both excitement and anxiety — full of hope, but also frustration. Ben Stuart compares it to “yell practice” at Texas A&M — it stirs up a lot of noise and energy!

The Bible doesn’t talk directly about modern dating, but it offers timeless wisdom for relationships. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” When our hope in relationships is misplaced — when we expect another person to complete us — disappointment follows. But when we look to God first, dating becomes an opportunity for discernment and growth, not desperation.

Dating Is for Evaluation, Not Completion

The purpose of dating isn’t to find someone who completes you — it’s to evaluate whether you can run with someone toward God’s purposes. Proverbs 25:28 warns, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” Before looking for “the one,” we need to become someone who’s whole in Christ.

Cultural messages often tell us that love will fix everything, but God invites us to develop maturity and discernment first. Dating can form us spiritually by teaching patience, self-control, and humility — if we let it.

Three Qualities to Look For

If dating is about evaluation, what should we look for? Ben Stuart identifies three essentials — cause, character, and chemistry.

  1. Same Cause: Look for someone running in the same direction spiritually. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” Shared faith and values matter more than shared hobbies.

  2. Godly Character: Don’t just look for someone with the label “Christian.” Look for consistent fruit over time. Psalm 1:1–3 describes a person rooted in God’s Word — stable, fruitful, and trustworthy.

  3. Healthy Chemistry: Attraction is important, but it can’t be the foundation. Proverbs 31:30 reminds us, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Chemistry should support character, not replace it.

When cause, character, and chemistry align, relationships thrive in health and purpose.

Practical Warnings

Dating culture often distorts what matters most. Social media, apps, and unrealistic standards can create a false picture of love. Romans 12:2 calls us to “not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

God wants you to approach dating differently — not with fantasy checklists or shallow attraction, but with wisdom and faith. Let His Word shape your expectations and priorities.

The Challenge

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When you center your heart on God, He aligns your desires with His purpose.

If you’re single, use this time to grow in your devotion to God’s cause. If you’re dating, evaluate your relationship through the lens of cause, character, and chemistry. Don’t rush or settle — let Jesus lead.

Dating isn’t about finding someone perfect; it’s about becoming the kind of person who can love well and honor God in every stage.

Talking Points:
  • Dating is not about finding someone to complete you, but about evaluating whether you can run with them toward God’s purposes. Proverbs 25:28
  • Every believer should focus first on becoming a person of self-control and maturity before seeking a partner.
  • Look for three qualities: same cause, godly character, and healthy chemistry. 2 Corinthians 6:14, Psalm 1:1–3, Proverbs 31:30
  • Cultural dating patterns often distort our priorities — focus on spiritual alignment and purpose instead of attraction alone. Romans 12:2
  • When you delight yourself in the Lord, He aligns your desires with His will. Psalm 37:4

Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. Why do you think so many people treat dating as a search for completion instead of a process of evaluation?
  3. What does it practically look like to be “running in the same direction” spiritually with someone?
  4. How can you tell if someone’s faith and character are genuine over time?
  5. Why is attraction a good thing — but a bad foundation — for a lasting relationship?
  6. How has dating culture or social media shaped unrealistic expectations for you or your friends?
  7. If you’re single, what’s one way you can pursue God’s cause first while trusting Him with your future relationships?

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How to Date
Dating can feel complicated, emotional, and confusing—especially when our longing for connection meets a culture with fuzzy rules and mixed expectations. In Genesis 2:18, we’re told that our longing for companionship is God-given. The ache to “pair off” isn’t the problem. The challenge is how we approach dating with wisdom instead of fear, clarity instead of confusion, purity instead of pressure, and community instead of isolation.

In this lesson, Ben Stuart breaks down four principles to help us date in a way that honors God and protects our hearts: prayerfully, with clarity, with autonomy and purity, and with grace in community. As we’ll see, dating isn’t about desperation or guessing games—it’s about thoughtful evaluation, healthy boundaries, and trusting God with every step.

Opening Story:
Ben shares a moment from being in Mexico where beauty stirred a longing to share life with someone. That desire for companionship is not wrong—it’s from God. But modern dating often distorts that longing, turning something meant to be joyful into something stressful and unclear.

Key Verse:
Genesis 2:18 – “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Main Point 1: Date Prayerfully

Confidence in God removes panic from dating. Proverbs 3:5-6 calls us to trust Him with all our heart and let Him “make our paths straight.” When we pray through dating decisions, we stop rushing, forcing, or manipulating outcomes. Dating prayerfully means inviting God into the process, trusting Him with timing, and letting Him lead.

Key Verse: Proverbs 3:5-6

Main Point 2: Date with Clarity

Ambiguity fuels anxiety, but clarity is kindness. Ephesians 4:15 calls us to “speak the truth in love,” which applies to dating too. Clear intentions, honest conversations, and an appropriate “exit ramp” help both people feel respected. Unclear communication often leads to avoidable confusion and emotional pain.

Key Verse: Ephesians 4:15

Main Point 3: Date with Autonomy & Purity

Dating is not marriage—it’s a process of evaluation, not a covenant. When couples act like they’re married before they actually are, pressure skyrockets and clarity disappears. Scripture reminds us to treat each other with “absolute purity” (1 Timothy 5:2). Sexual intimacy outside of marriage creates emotional fog and complicates wise decision-making.

Key Verse: 1 Timothy 5:2

Main Point 4: Date Graciously & in Community

Kindness makes people more attractive in lasting ways. Dating graciously means no ghosting, manipulation, or careless words—just treating people like sons and daughters of the King. Proverbs 11:14 reminds us that there is wisdom and safety in community. Invite trusted mentors and friends into the process.

Key Verse: Proverbs 11:14

Closing Challenge: Date Patiently, Trusting God

Move at a pace that honors God. Not frantic. Not stagnant. “As fast as you can, as slow as you must.” Psalm 27:14 reminds us to “Wait for the Lord” with courage. Wisdom grows in patience.

Key Verse: Psalm 27:14

Talking Points:
  • Our longing for connection is God-given, but we must seek Him in the process. Genesis 2:18
  • Confidence in God takes the pressure and panic out of dating. Proverbs 3:5-6
  • Clarity is kindness. Honest communication strengthens trust and reduces anxiety. Ephesians 4:15
  • Dating requires autonomy and purity—don’t act married before you are. 1 Timothy 5:2
  • Courtesy and community create safety and wisdom in dating decisions. Proverbs 11:14
  • Patience keeps dating healthy. God works through steady, thoughtful evaluation. Psalm 27:14

Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. When you think about dating, do you feel more excited, anxious, or skeptical? Why?
  3. Why do you think the desire for companionship is something God built into us?
  4. How does trusting God with dating decisions change your approach to relationships?
  5. Why is clarity in dating rare today, and how can you practice clarity with kindness?
  6. In what ways can confusing dating with marriage roles create stress or pressure?
  7. What boundaries could help you pursue purity and protect emotional clarity?
  8. Who in your life could serve as wise counsel as you navigate dating?
  9. If you were to describe your approach to dating in one sentence (prayerfully, with clarity, purity, grace, patience), what would it be?


Lesson coming soon!


Lesson coming soon!


Lesson coming soon!
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