This is lesson 4 from the Prodigal series.
Watching someone you love wander away from God is one of the most painful experiences a believer can face. Whether it is a child, a spouse, or a close friend, the feeling of helplessness can be overwhelming. You may have already confronted them or shared the truth, yet they remain lost in “wild living” or cold indifference.
How do you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped? To love a prodigal effectively, we must move beyond our desire to control and instead mirror the heart of the Father. This requires a shift from pressure to prayer and from judgment to grace. Here are five biblical tips for loving the prodigal in your life.
Tip #1: Be Honest About Your Own Brokenness
It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking the prodigal is the “only” sinner in the room. This was the mistake of the older brother in Jesus’ parable; he was so focused on his brother’s “squandering” that he couldn’t see his own bitterness (Luke 15:29-30). When we approach a prodigal with a “holier-than-thou” attitude, we often close the very door we are trying to open.
Luke 6:41-42 And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? … First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.
When we are honest about our own daily need for Jesus, we model the Gospel. Humility is attractive; self-righteousness is repulsive. By acknowledging that we are also broken people in need of mercy, we create a safe space for the prodigal to eventually come to their senses.
Tip #2: Be the One to Absorb the Offense
Relationships with prodigals often fall into an unhealthy cycle: they sin, we react with frustration, they rebel further, and we become more judgmental. To break this loop, someone has to be willing to absorb the pain without immediately retaliating or lecturing.
Romans 15:1-2 We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves. We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord.
Jesus is our ultimate example of this. He absorbed the offense of our sins on the cross while we were still His enemies. In practice, this might mean choosing not to point out a failure for the hundredth time. Instead, focus on building a gracious environment. If the prodigal in your life looks at your home or your friendship, do they see a place of joy and welcome, or a courtroom of constant judgment?
Tip #3: In Your Extravagance, Don’t Enable Sin
A common fear is that being “too nice” or “too gracious” will enable the person’s sinful choices. There is a fine line between forbearance and enabling. In the parable, the father gave the son his inheritance early, which technically “funded” the son’s rebellion (Luke 15:13). However, the father did not follow him to the distant country to pay his debts or bail him out of the pigpen.
Restoring someone requires wisdom. Sometimes we push too hard, and sometimes we don’t hold boundaries well enough. Because there is no “one-size-fits-all” answer, it is vital to seek counsel from a pastor, mentor, or godly friends. The goal is to remain a bridge for them to return to God without becoming a safety net that prevents them from feeling the consequences of their choices.
Tip #4: Stop Trying to Control Every Outcome
Many of us use disapproval as a tool to apply pressure, hoping we can “guilt” the prodigal back into compliance. But humans are not built to be controlled. Even God the Father, in His perfect love, allows us the freedom to walk away.
Matthew 6:34 So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
The “Serenity Prayer” reminds us to accept the things we cannot change. You cannot change a human heart, and you cannot force a spiritual awakening. When we let go of the need to control the outcome, we find the peace necessary to love the person right where they are, rather than loving the version of them we wish they would become.
Tip #5: Pray That God Will Do Whatever It Takes
The most important thing to remember is that you cannot convict someone of sin—only the Holy Spirit can do that. Jesus told His disciples that the Spirit’s job is to “convict the world of its sin” (John 16:8). If you try to do the Spirit’s job, you will only end up exhausted and resentful.
Our most powerful weapon is prayer. We must pray that God will do “whatever it takes” to bring them home, even if that means letting them reach the bottom of the pigpen. Trust that the same God who began a work in them is capable of finishing it.
Philippians 1:6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
The Takeaway
Loving a prodigal is a marathon of grace, not a sprint of correction. By staying humble about our own sins, absorbing offenses like Jesus did, and refusing to play the role of the Holy Spirit, we keep the path home clear. We do our part through wise interaction and constant prayer, trusting that the Father is already watching the horizon, waiting to run to them.
