The Bible defines the vow “to love and to cherish” not as a fleeting emotional spark, but as a deliberate, daily action rooted in the heart of God. While “love” often refers to the selfless commitment to another’s well-being, “to cherish” takes it a step further, meaning to protect, nurture, and value something as a precious treasure. In a Christian marriage, maintaining romance isn’t about chasing a feeling; it’s about intentionally cultivating a garden where intimacy can grow and flourish.
The Biblical Definition of Cherishing
To cherish someone means to hold them dear and to treat them with tender care. The Apostle Paul used this specific concept when describing how Christ cares for the church. He noted that people naturally care for their own bodies—feeding and clothing them—and that husbands should care for their wives with that same level of instinctive, protective concern. Cherishing is the opposite of taking someone for granted; it’s the active practice of noticing and celebrating your spouse.
In the Song of Solomon, we see a beautiful, poetic picture of what it looks like to cherish a spouse. The couple in this biblical book uses words of affirmation and physical affection to show how much they value one another. They aren’t just roommates sharing a mortgage; they are lovers who prize each other above all else. Cherishing is the “warmth” that keeps the “duty” of marriage from feeling cold and clinical.
Ephesians 5:29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.
Managing the Expectation of “Feeling”
A common misconception in our culture is that romance is something that just “happens” to you. We talk about “falling” in love as if it’s an accident. But the biblical vow to love and cherish is an act of the will. If you wait until you “feel” romantic to act romantically, you’ll find that your relationship becomes a rollercoaster of highs and lows. Real romance is built on the steady foundation of intentionality.
Managing expectations means realizing that the “butterflies” of the dating phase will eventually settle. This isn’t a sign that the love is gone; it’s a sign that the love is maturing. We have to move from “accidental” romance to “intentional” romance. This involves choosing to be kind when you’re tired, choosing to listen when you’re distracted, and choosing to pursue your spouse even when life feels mundane. Romance is maintained by the small, daily decisions to put your spouse’s joy above your own.
The Role of Pursuit in Marriage
In the Bible, we see that God is a pursuing God. He doesn’t wait for us to find him; he comes looking for us. In the same way, the vow to cherish involves a lifelong pursuit of your spouse’s heart. We often work hard to “win” a spouse, but then we stop working once the ring is on the finger. Biblical marriage calls us to never stop being a student of our spouse.
Pursuit looks like discovering what makes your spouse feel valued and then doing those things consistently. It might be words of encouragement, acts of service, or dedicated time together without the distraction of phones or kids. When we stop pursuing, the relationship starts to drift toward “friendship” or “partnership” rather than “one flesh” intimacy. To cherish is to stay curious about your spouse, always looking for new ways to show them they are still your first priority.
1 Peter 3:7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.
Protecting the Garden of Intimacy
The Bible warns us to “catch the foxes” that ruin the vineyards. In a marriage, these “foxes” are the small things—bitterness, busyness, or neglect—that eat away at the romance and tenderness of the relationship. To cherish your spouse, you have to be a protector of your intimacy. This means setting boundaries around your time and your heart to ensure that your spouse remains the primary focus of your affection.
Maintaining the romance requires us to forgive quickly and communicate openly. It’s hard to cherish someone when you’re harboring a grudge. By practicing the kind of sacrificial love Jesus showed us, we create a safe environment where romance can thrive. When both spouses feel safe, respected, and treasured, the natural byproduct is a deep, lasting intimacy that doesn’t fade with age but actually grows richer over time.
The Takeaway
The vow “to love and to cherish” is a call to intentional, Christ-like devotion. While love provides the commitment, cherishing provides the warmth and protection that every marriage needs to thrive. By managing our expectations and choosing to pursue our spouse daily, we reflect the heart of Jesus, who treasures his church. Maintaining romance isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about the consistent, tender care that says, “You are my most precious earthly treasure.”
