Who should a Christian date? Look for three things: the same cause, godly character, and healthy chemistry. Dating isn’t a search for someone to complete you. It’s a process of discovering whether you and another person can run together toward God’s purposes. When faith, character, and attraction all line up, you have a solid foundation for a relationship that could go the distance.
Dating Is for Evaluation, Not Completion
Dating stirs up a lot of hope and a lot of anxiety. Part of the reason is that many of us expect another person to fill the deepest needs of our hearts. Movies and songs tell us that the right person will finally make us whole. But no human being can carry that weight, and expecting them to sets both of you up for disappointment.
A healthier approach is to see dating as evaluation. You’re getting to know someone in order to discern whether marriage could be wise. That also means focusing on who you’re becoming. Proverbs warns, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control” (Proverbs 25:28). Before you look for the right person, work on becoming a person of maturity, self-control, and faith.
Look for the Same Cause
The most important question isn’t whether you like the same music or restaurants. It’s whether you’re headed in the same direction spiritually.
2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
A yoke joined two animals so they could pull together. If one pulls one way and the other pulls another, both struggle. That’s why shared faith matters so much. (For more, see What Does It Mean to Be Unequally Yoked in Marriage?) And it’s more than checking a “Christian” box. Look for someone who is actually pursuing Jesus and wants to give their life to his mission.
Look for Godly Character
Lots of people use the label “Christian.” Character shows up in the fruit of their life over time.
Psalm 1:1-3 Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.
A person rooted in God’s Word grows steady and fruitful. So pay attention: How do they treat a server, their family, or someone who can’t do anything for them? How do they handle anger, money, and responsibility? Are they connected to a church and growing in their faith? Character isn’t revealed in a single great date. It’s revealed over time.
Look for Healthy Chemistry
Attraction is a good thing. God created romance, and the Song of Songs celebrates it openly. But attraction makes a poor foundation on its own.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Chemistry should support character, not replace it. Looks fade and charm can be a mask. Enjoying each other’s company is important, but it should grow alongside shared faith and proven character rather than racing ahead of them.
Don’t Let Culture Write Your List
Dating apps, social media, and romantic comedies can create a fantasy checklist that no real person could ever meet, while ignoring the things that matter most. Paul’s words apply here too: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). Let God’s Word shape what you’re looking for.
Most of all, keep God first. “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). As you delight in him, he shapes your desires to match his good purposes. Don’t rush and don’t settle. Let Jesus lead. The next lesson looks at how Christians should date.
Inspired by Ben Stuart’s message “Who to Date” on the Passion City Church DC podcast, part of his series based on the book Single, Dating, Engaged, Married.
The Takeaway
Dating isn’t about finding someone to complete you. It’s about discerning whether you can run together toward God. Look for the same cause, godly character, and healthy chemistry, and keep delighting in the Lord as you trust him with your future.
