The purpose of Christian dating is to wisely discover whether someone could be the right person to marry. Dating can be fun and good companionship, but for followers of Jesus it’s ultimately about marriage. And every dating relationship should be guided by the same two commands that govern all of life: love God above everything and genuinely love the person you’re dating.
Dating Is Ultimately About Marriage
The Bible doesn’t say much, if anything, about dating as we know it. Courtship looked very different in the ancient world. But Scripture says a lot about marriage and about relationships in general, and those truths give us a clear framework. God wired men and women for an emotional and physical intimacy that leads to a lifelong covenant.
Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
When a man and woman spend time together romantically, emotional intimacy naturally begins to grow. That’s why it isn’t very meaningful to think about dating apart from marriage. Not everyone will marry, and the Bible honors singleness as a good gift too. But for those who date, the goal is finding a suitable partner for the deep union God designed marriage to be.
Dating Takes Wisdom, Not Just Chemistry
Marriage is one of the most important commitments a person will ever make, so it should never be entered into lightly or on purely emotional grounds. Romantic sparks are wonderful, but they aren’t a reliable guide on their own. Dating is about applying wisdom to evaluate someone who might become your partner for life.
Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Guarding your heart means paying attention to character, faith and values, not just attraction. It means asking whether this person loves Jesus and is growing in him, since Paul warns believers not to be yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Wise friends, mentors and family can help you see what infatuation might hide.
Love God First in Your Dating Life
When someone asked Jesus which commandment mattered most, he summed up the entire law in two sentences. Those same two priorities apply to dating just as much as to any other area of life.
Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”
Loving God first means that pleasing him matters more than pleasing the person you’re dating or even pleasing yourself. After a date or a long conversation, it’s worth asking honestly: did my attitudes, words and actions honor God? That includes honoring his design for sex, which belongs only within marriage.
Love the Person You’re Dating
Loving your neighbor in a dating relationship means putting the other person’s good ahead of your own desires. It means thinking about how your choices will affect them, emotionally, spiritually and physically, and being willing to sacrifice what you want for what’s truly best for them.
Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
It also means being honest about your intentions instead of leading someone on. This kind of love protects your partner’s purity, respects their boundaries and treats them as a brother or sister in Christ, whether or not the relationship leads to marriage. If everyone dated this way, a lot of heartache would be avoided.
The Takeaway
Christian dating is ultimately about wisely finding a spouse, not just enjoying a romantic spark. Guard your heart, look for godly character, love God above all and genuinely seek the good of the person you’re dating. That kind of dating honors God and builds a strong foundation for whatever comes next.
