Podcasts + Discipleship: Click to Learn How to Use PursueGOD
PursueGOD is a new kind of discipleship curriculum for an increasingly complicated world. We use podcasts on a variety of topics to offer no-nonsense answers to everyday questions. Then we organize these podcasts into series so you can use them to make disciples at church, home, or in the world. Here’s how it works:
- Pick a series from our homepage. There's plenty to choose from!
- Each series contains multiple lessons. Click on the numbered tabs to open each lesson.
- Start by listening to the podcast on your own, before you meet as a group. Take notes as needed, and listen again if it helps. Consider starting a discipleship journal to track what you're learning.
- Meet as a group to talk through what you learned from the podcast. Each lesson includes shownotes, talking points, and discussion questions. Click on the # tab to explore additional topics.
- Listen to the podcast above for more helpful tips or check out one of our many training series.
What Are Boundaries In Relationships?
See Also: View the FlexTalk version of this topic.
Adapted from Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
The 10 Laws Of Boundaries
See Also: View the FlexTalk version of this topic.
Adapted from Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Boundaries With Friends
See Also: View the FlexTalk version of this topic.
Adapted from Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Four Boundary Markers In Marriage
See Also: View the FlexTalk version of this topic.
Adapted from Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
How Do We Model and Teach Healthy Boundaries to Our Kids?
Teaching kids to set boundaries is an essential part of raising healthy, responsible individuals. Boundaries are not about control; they are about teaching children how to own their behavior, respect others, and protect their physical and emotional well-being. By modeling healthy limits, consistently enforcing rules, and encouraging open communication, you can empower your children to navigate relationships and life’s challenges with wisdom, confidence, and a clear understanding of personal responsibility.
The Importance of Boundaries in Parenting
Many parents view boundaries as a way to restrict their children, but they actually provide necessary security. Think of boundaries like the fence around a playground. The fence keeps the children safe, giving them the freedom to run and play within a secure space. Without that fence, the children would be anxious, constantly looking over their shoulders to see where the danger lies. Boundaries create a safe environment where children can learn and grow without fear.
Biblical wisdom supports this proactive approach to child-rearing. This instruction is not merely about rules; it involves teaching children the “why” behind the rules. When we help kids set boundaries, we are teaching them to value their own integrity and the dignity of others. We want them to understand that they are created in the image of God, which means their bodies, time, and emotions have value and deserve respect.
Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it
Modeling Healthy Boundaries
Children are like little mirrors; they reflect the behavior they see in us. If we want our kids to understand how to set boundaries, we must first demonstrate what that looks like in our own lives. You cannot teach what you do not live. If you constantly let people walk all over you, your kids will learn that they have no right to say no. If you lack self-discipline, they will likely struggle with the same.
Start by being honest about your own limitations. When you feel overwhelmed or need space, explain it to your children in a way they can understand. You might say, “I am feeling frustrated right now, so I need to take five minutes to pray and calm down before I continue this conversation.” This shows them that it is acceptable to step away to regulate emotions. By verbalizing these choices, you provide them with a script for how to set their own healthy boundaries in the future.
Teaching Kids to Say No
One of the most difficult lessons for children is learning how to say “no” to their peers. Peer pressure often starts small, but it can quickly escalate. We must empower our children to stand firm when something makes them feel uncomfortable or contradicts their values. Role-playing is a fantastic way to practice this. Set up scenarios where they have to decline a request or walk away from a situation that feels wrong.
When children learn to say no, they are asserting their identity. Remind them that they do not need to be unkind or aggressive to set a boundary. A simple, firm “no, I don’t want to do that” is enough. Encourage them to be assertive while remaining respectful. As they grow older, these small moments of saying no will build the muscle memory required to make difficult moral choices later in life. They will be better equipped to reject harmful temptations and prioritize their walk with Jesus.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Guiding Through Mistakes
It is important to remember that children will inevitably test the boundaries you set. This is a natural part of development, not a sign of failure. When your child pushes against a limit, view it as a teaching opportunity rather than a battle to be won. Stay calm and consistent. If you react with anger, you shift the focus from their behavior to your reaction, which often teaches them nothing about personal responsibility.
Instead, help them understand the consequences of their actions. If they choose to cross a boundary, they should experience the natural result of that choice. This helps them learn that actions have consequences in the real world. Grace should always be present, but grace never removes the need for boundaries. Just as God disciplines those He loves to bring about holiness, our discipline should aim to restore, teach, and guide our children toward wisdom and character.
The Takeaway
Helping your kids set boundaries is a lifelong process of discipleship. It requires patience, consistency, and a willingness to model the behavior you want to see. By teaching them to value their own worth and respect the boundaries of others, you are equipping them to live a life that honors God. Ultimately, the goal is to raise children who understand that their true identity is found in Christ, providing them with the strength to live with integrity in a world that often ignores such limits.
Why Have Boundaries With The In-Laws?
Establishing healthy boundaries with in-laws is necessary because God designed marriage to be a completely new household anchored by mutual leave-and-cleave priority. When you set boundaries with in-laws, you are not rejecting your family or abandoning honoring your parents. Instead, you are protecting your marital unity, preventing recurring conflict, and creating a safe environment where love, trust, and mutual respect can actually grow between both extended families.
God Designed Marriage Around the Leave and Cleave Principle
From the very beginning of human history, God established a clear order for marriage. In Genesis, long before Moses wrote down the commandments or Jesus walked the earth, Scripture revealed the foundation for family life. God created marriage to be an exclusive, primary partnership between a husband and a wife.
Genesis 2:24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
When you say “I do,” your primary earthly allegiance instantly shifts from your parents to your spouse. Leaving your father and mother does not mean cutting off communication or treating them with disrespect. Rather, it means that your parents no longer hold the ultimate decision-making authority in your life. Your spouse becomes your primary partner, confidant, and priority.
When couples fail to leave, they open the door to constant friction. In-laws may naturally step into leadership vacuums if a husband or wife constantly seeks parental approval over spousal agreement. By setting clear boundaries with in-laws, you honor God’s structural blueprint for marriage and shield your relationship from unnecessary interference.
Boundaries Protect Marital Unity and Prevent Resentment
Imagine your marriage as a brand-new home. Boundaries are not concrete walls built to keep people away forever; they are doors with locks that allow you to decide who comes in and when. Without healthy boundaries, well-meaning in-laws can easily wander into your private space, offering uninvited opinions on your finances, parenting choices, or holiday schedules.
Even well-intentioned advice from parents can create hidden resentment between spouses. If one partner feels that their spouse always sides with their own parents, trust erodes rapidly. The Bible encourages couples to guard their emotional intimacy with intense diligence.
Proverbs 4:23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Protecting your marital union requires you to stand united with your spouse, especially when hard conversations arise. If an in-law crosses line after line, the child of that parent should step up and address the issue with grace and firmness. When you present a unified front, you show everyone that your marriage bond is unbreakable and secure.
Boundaries Honor Your Parents in a Healthy Way
Many Christians struggle with setting boundaries because they worry they are disobeying the Fifth Commandment. They wonder how setting limits fits with honoring their father and mother. However, true honor does not mean absolute compliance with every preference your parents hold.
Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Honoring your parents means showing them respect, expressing gratitude for their care, and treating them with kindness as they age. It does not require you to surrender your personal responsibility as an adult before God. In fact, establishing clear guidelines often saves relationships from collapsing under the weight of unresolved bitterness.
When you establish clear parameters, you actually make it easier to love your in-laws genuinely. You move away from passive-aggressive tension and step toward healthy, honest interaction. Boundaries eliminate confusion and allow both generations to enjoy each other without fear of overstepping or control.
Jesus Modeled Purposeful Boundaries in His Own Ministry
If you ever feel guilty about setting limits with family, remember that Jesus Himself demonstrated the importance of boundaries. Throughout His earthly ministry, Jesus deeply loved His earthly family, yet He never let family pressures divert Him from His heavenly Father’s purpose.
Matthew 12:48-50 Jesus replied to the man who spoke to him, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and my brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”
Jesus recognized that His primary mission required distinct boundaries, even with those closest to Him. On multiple occasions, He withdrew from crowd demands and family requests to pray and refocus. Loving people deeply never meant allowing others to dictate His choices or disrupt His mission.
Following Jesus means applying this same wisdom to your home. You can express genuine love for your in-laws while still protecting the peace and direction of your household. Setting boundaries is not selfish; it is a mature, faith-filled step toward building a Christ-centered home.
Practical Steps to Establish Boundaries With Grace
Setting limits with family requires wisdom, patience, and lots of grace. Start by having an open, private discussion with your spouse to identify areas where you feel overwhelmed or unsupported. Agree together on what needs to change before speaking with outside family members.
Once you and your spouse agree, communicate your decisions with kindness, warmth, and clarity. Avoid using accusatory language or bringing up past mistakes. Instead, frame your decisions around what is best for your immediate household and marital growth.
For example, if unannounced visits create stress, you can kindly say, “We love seeing you, but with our busy schedules, we need to plan visits ahead of time.” If holiday schedules spark arguments every year, establish a predictable system early on. Always remember that the spouse whose parents are involved should take the lead in these conversations to ensure clarity and protect mutual love.
The Takeaway
Establishing boundaries with in-laws is vital for building a strong, lasting, and God-honoring marriage. By putting your spouse first, practicing the leave-and-cleave principle, and communicating with grace, you safeguard your home while maintaining respectful relationships with extended family. Boundaries do not push people away; they create the safety necessary for genuine love to flourish.
Adapted from Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
- What Are Boundaries In Relationships?
- Three Signs of Relational Health
- The LEGO Principle: 5 Reasons for Connecting
- The 10 Laws Of Boundaries
- Social Development and Friendship: Life with Asperger Syndrome
- Men Are Fueled By Dependency
- Managing Toxic Relationships
- How to Make Friends
- How Friendship Works
- How Do We Model and Teach Healthy Boundaries to Our Kids?
- Good Relationships And Three Shades of Dysfunction
- Four Boundary Markers In Marriage
- Embracing “the Island” as a New Believer
- Don’t Try to Fight the Battle Alone
- Boundaries With Friends