Parenting principle number three is that every kid needs praise to thrive and grow into a healthy adult. While discipline (principle number 2) sets the boundaries, praise provides the fuel and encouragement children need to pursue what is good. According to the Bible, our words have the power to build up or tear down, and a home filled with life-giving affirmation helps a child understand their value as a person created in the image of God.
The Power of Life-Giving Words
The Bible is very clear about the impact of the things we say. Proverbs tells us that the tongue has the power of life and death. In the context of parenting, this means our words can either breathe life into our children’s souls or leave them feeling defeated and discouraged. Parenting principle number 3 reminds us that our primary job is to be our children’s biggest cheerleader.
When we praise our kids, we aren’t just making them feel good in the moment; we are helping them form their identity. If a child only hears what they are doing wrong, they begin to view themselves as a failure. However, when we catch them doing something right and name it, we reinforce the godly character traits we want to see grow in them.
Proverbs 18:21 The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.
The 3 B’s of Loving Affirmation
To apply parenting principle number 3 effectively, we should follow a simple framework to ensure our encouragement hits the mark. Affirmation is most powerful when it follows the “3 B’s”: Be intentional, Be authentic, and Be unique. These pillars help us move past generic “good job” comments and into meaningful, heart-level connection.
Be intentional means you are looking for opportunities to praise rather than waiting for them to happen. You “hunt” for the good stuff. Be authentic means your praise is sincere and rooted in truth. Kids have a “phoney-baloney” detector; they know when you are just saying something to be nice versus when you truly mean it. Finally, Be unique means you tailor your praise to that specific child’s personality and their specific actions. This shows them that you truly see them for who God made them to be.
Praise Is Not the Same as Flattery
It is important to distinguish between biblical praise and empty flattery. Flattery is often insincere or focused purely on outward performance. True praise focuses on character and effort. We aren’t just praising them for being “the best” at sports; we are praising the kindness they showed a friend or the perseverance they used to finish a hard task.
By praising character, we point our children toward the virtues that matter to God. When you tell your child, “I saw how patient you were with your sister,” you are highlighting a fruit of the Spirit. This kind of affirmation helps them see that God is working in their lives. It makes the abstract concept of “godly character” something concrete and achievable.
Mirroring the Father’s Affirmation
Ultimately, when we praise our children, we are mirroring the way God the Father speaks to us. Think about the baptism of Jesus. Before Jesus had performed a single miracle or started his public ministry, God spoke from heaven and said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.”
God affirmed Jesus’s identity and his love for Him. As parents, we should do the same. We praise our kids not because they have earned our love through perfect behavior, but because they are our children and they belong to God. This kind of unconditional affirmation provides a foundation of grace that helps them understand the Gospel more clearly as they grow.
Ephesians 4:29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
The Takeaway
Parenting principle three reminds us that every kid needs praise to develop a healthy sense of self and a heart for God. By using the 3 B’s—being intentional, authentic, and unique—we build a bridge of trust with our children. Our praise isn’t just about being nice; it’s about acting as a mentor who points out the beauty and potential God has placed within each child.
