Biblical Parenting (Series)

Discover how biblical truth speaks into modern parenting philosophies—from gentle parenting to authoritative approaches—equipping parents to raise children with grace, wisdom, and God-given authority.

Podcasts + Discipleship: Click to Learn How to Use PursueGOD

PursueGOD is a new kind of discipleship curriculum for an increasingly complicated world. We use podcasts on a variety of topics to offer no-nonsense answers to everyday questions. Then we organize these podcasts into series so you can use them to make disciples at church, home, or in the world. Here’s how it works:

  1. Pick a series from our homepage. There's plenty to choose from!
  2. Each series contains multiple lessons. Click on the numbered tabs to open each lesson.
  3. Start by listening to the podcast on your own, before you meet as a group. Take notes as needed, and listen again if it helps. Consider starting a discipleship journal to track what you're learning.
  4. Meet as a group to talk through what you learned from the podcast. Each lesson includes shownotes, talking points, and discussion questions. Click on the # tab to explore additional topics.
  5. Listen to the podcast above for more helpful tips or check out one of our many training series.
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The Principle of Ownership in Parenting: A Biblical Approach

One of the greatest responsibilities a parent has is to raise children who are equipped to navigate the world with strong, biblically grounded values. A key principle in this mission is “ownership”—the idea that the ultimate goal is for our children to leave home with the values we have instilled firmly rooted in their hearts.

This means helping them move from a phase where they “rent” these values—temporarily adopting them under our guidance—to a place where they “own” them, making those values personal, enduring, and guiding their decisions as independent adults.

The Biblical Foundation of Ownership

Scripture provides a clear foundation for this principle, emphasizing the importance of training, teaching, and passing faith to the next generation.

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

This verse captures the heart of biblical parenting—intentional training in godly ways. But for this promise to take root, children must internalize the faith and values taught to them. They must “own” these truths so they continue to live by them when parents are no longer watching.

Moses emphasized this in Deuteronomy 6:6-7:

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

The goal is not just that children hear God’s commands, but that they become imprinted on their hearts. Parents are called to make God’s truth a natural part of daily life—engraining it deeply so it influences their children long after they leave home.

From Renters to Owners

A crucial distinction in parenting is the difference between children being “renters” of values versus being “owners.”

When children are under our care, it’s easy to assume obedience equals conviction. But rented values are often temporary—they follow them when convenient or enforced, not because they truly believe them. Once parents are no longer present, those values may fade.

Ownership, however, happens when children take personal responsibility for their beliefs and decisions.

Luke 6:45 “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

When children “own” the values you’ve taught them, those truths become internal convictions—not external obligations. Their hearts guide their behavior, even when no one else is watching.

Practical Steps for Encouraging Ownership

1. Model the Values You Want Them to Own

Children learn more from what we do than what we say.

1 Corinthians 11:1 “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”

If we want our kids to own biblical truth, we must live it consistently ourselves. Our example shapes their understanding of faith far more than our lectures ever could.

2. Ask Questions to Encourage Discovery

Jesus often used questions to help His followers think deeply and make truth personal (Luke 10:25-37, Matthew 16:13-20).

Ask thoughtful questions that lead your children to discover biblical truths for themselves. When kids process and apply truth personally, they move closer to owning their faith rather than merely borrowing yours.

3. Create a Culture of Conversation

Encourage open, ongoing discussions about faith, values, and real-life decisions.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 reminds parents to talk about God’s commands “when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Healthy, honest conversations help kids wrestle with questions and doubts in a safe space. This builds confidence and turns passive acceptance into active engagement with biblical truth.

4. Encourage Friendships with Those Who Share Your Values

The company children keep will shape their direction in life.

Proverbs 13:20 “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

Help your kids form friendships with others who share their biblical values—through church, youth group, or school. Godly peers reinforce truth and provide encouragement when cultural pressures challenge their convictions.

5. Pray for Transformation

Ultimately, ownership of faith is a work of the Holy Spirit.

Ezekiel 36:26 “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.”

Pray that God will give your children new hearts and open minds to receive and live out His truth. Transformation begins with Him, not us.

Takeaway

The ultimate goal of Christian parenting is not just to raise obedient kids—but disciples who love and live for Christ on their own.

Through modeling, conversation, friendship, and prayer, parents can help their children move from renting faith to owning it.

When kids own their faith, they leave home not merely reflecting their parents’ beliefs but walking confidently with Christ—equipped to navigate the world with His wisdom, truth, and love.

Talking Points:
  • The ultimate goal of biblical parenting is value ownership, not just rule-following. Proverbs 22:6 calls parents to train children in the way they should go, but for that training to last, those truths must be deeply rooted in a child’s heart—not just enforced through rules.
  • God’s design for parenting is intentional, everyday discipleship. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, Moses calls parents to weave God’s commands into ordinary moments—meals, walks, bedtime—so faith becomes part of the child’s identity, not just a Sunday lesson.
  • There’s a difference between “renting” and “owning” values. Rented values are borrowed for a season—kept as long as parents are watching—but owned values become personal convictions that shape decisions even in private. Luke 6:45 reminds us that what fills the heart will eventually flow into action.
  • Intentional parenting means living out the values you want to see in your kids, fostering an ongoing culture of honest, faith-filled conversation, surrounding your family with like-minded believers, and faithfully praying each day for your children to walk with Jesus.
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. What’s one value your parents passed down to you that you still “own” today, and how did it stick? What are some values from your childhood home you want to avoid repeating?
  3. Read Deuteronomy 6:6-7. What are some practical ways you can weave faith conversations into everyday moments without it feeling forced? 
  4. On a scale from 1-10, how would you rate yourself on how well you’re modeling biblical values to your kids? How can you improve?
  5. How have you seen the influence—good or bad—of a child’s friendships shape the values they carry into adulthood? How will you help your kids to choose the right kind of friends?
  6. Read Ezekiel 36:26. How will you pray for your kids moving forward? How will you know as a parent if your child is only “renting” values rather than truly owning them?

See Also:

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The Four Parenting Styles: A Biblical Perspective

Parenting is one of the most important roles in a person’s life, shaping the development and well-being of children in powerful ways. Over time, psychologists and researchers have identified four primary parenting styles, each marked by different levels of warmth, control, and communication.

Understanding these styles helps parents recognize the outcomes of their approaches and make more informed, biblically grounded choices in raising their children.

The four main parenting styles are:

  1. Authoritarian Parenting

  2. Authoritative Parenting

  3. Permissive Parenting

  4. Uninvolved Parenting

Each style affects children differently—emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

1. Authoritarian Parenting

Overview:
Authoritarian parents are strict, controlling, and demanding. They set high expectations and emphasize obedience and discipline above all else. Communication is usually one-sided, with rules enforced without explanation and punishment used to maintain control.

Key Characteristics:

  • High demands and expectations

  • Low responsiveness to the child’s emotional needs

  • Emphasis on obedience and discipline

  • Limited communication and explanation of rules

Effects on Children:
Children raised by authoritarian parents often develop a strong sense of discipline and respect for authority, but they may struggle with self-esteem, decision-making, and communication. Some become overly submissive, while others rebel against strict control.

Biblical Response:
While discipline is important, Scripture also calls parents to guide with love and understanding. Harsh, fear-based parenting can discourage rather than train a child’s heart.

Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”
Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.”

2. Authoritative Parenting

Overview:
Authoritative parenting is widely viewed as the most balanced and effective style. These parents set clear expectations and boundaries while being nurturing, supportive, and responsive. They encourage open dialogue, explain rules, and promote age-appropriate independence.

Key Characteristics:

  • High demands but balanced with high responsiveness

  • Open communication and explanation of rules

  • Encouragement of independence and decision-making

  • Use of positive discipline strategies

Effects on Children:
Children of authoritative parents tend to have higher self-esteem, better emotional control, and stronger social skills. They usually perform well academically and maintain healthy relationships built on mutual respect.

Biblical Response:
This approach closely reflects the biblical model—a combination of discipline, love, and instruction. It mirrors how God parents His children with both grace and truth.

Proverbs 22:6 “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”
Hebrews 12:11 “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.”
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

3. Permissive Parenting

Overview:
Permissive parents are nurturing and kind but often avoid enforcing boundaries. They focus on their children’s happiness and may give excessive freedom, allowing them to make their own choices regardless of maturity.

Key Characteristics:

  • Low demands with high responsiveness

  • Few rules and minimal discipline

  • Emphasis on nurturing and indulgence

  • Children have significant freedom in decision-making

Effects on Children:
Children raised permissively may have strong self-esteem but weak self-discipline. Without structure or clear boundaries, they often struggle with responsibility, authority, and long-term goal setting.

Biblical Response:
While love and warmth are essential, the Bible teaches that discipline and correction are acts of love that protect a child’s heart and guide them toward wisdom.

Proverbs 13:24 “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.”
Proverbs 29:15 “To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.”

4. Uninvolved Parenting

Overview:
Also called neglectful parenting, this style is marked by a lack of both structure and emotional connection. Uninvolved parents may meet basic needs but remain detached from their children’s emotional and spiritual development.

Key Characteristics:

  • Low demands and low responsiveness

  • Minimal interaction and communication

  • Little emotional involvement or nurturing

  • Lack of structure, rules, or discipline

Effects on Children:
Children raised with uninvolved parenting often struggle with self-worth, relationships, and emotional health. They may feel neglected, insecure, and directionless without parental support or example.

Biblical Response:
Scripture strongly condemns neglect. Parents are called to love, nurture, and lead their children spiritually and emotionally.

1 Timothy 5:8 “But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.”
Deuteronomy 6:1-3 “These are the commands, decrees, and regulations that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you. You must obey them in the land you are about to enter and occupy,  and you and your children and grandchildren must fear the LORD your God as long as you live. If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life. Listen closely, Israel, and be careful to obey. Then all will go well with you, and you will have many children in the land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your ancestors, promised you.”

Deuteronomy 6:4-9  “Listen, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Takeaway

Ultimately, Scripture calls parents to reflect God’s character—both loving and just, nurturing and firm. God disciplines His children for their good, yet He is patient, merciful, and relational.

Biblical parenting, therefore, looks most like the authoritative model—balancing love and discipline, truth and grace. Parents who rely on God’s wisdom can raise children who not only obey rules but also understand the heart behind them—growing into faithful, mature followers of Christ.

Talking Points:
  • The way we parent has a lasting impact on our children’s emotional, social, and spiritual development. Every choice we make as a parent carries weight.
  • Strict rules without dialogue (authoritarian) or no boundaries at all (permissive) can harm children’s growth; the Bible calls us to guide, not simply demand or neglect. Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21
  • Authoritative parenting demonstrates that combining clear expectations with love and communication produces children who are confident, responsible, and resilient. Hebrews 12:11
  • Being uninvolved as a parent does damage to children’s self-esteem and faith; consistent involvement and teaching (Deuteronomy 6:6-9) is critical for nurturing godly character.
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. Which of the four parenting styles—authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, or uninvolved—do you think you lean toward, and why?
  3. What did you experience as a child growing up that has impacted you as a parent?
  4. Read Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21. How do you find the line between discipline and control? What’s a moment where you got it “just right” or “off track”? How do these verses challenge or encourage the way you discipline and guide your children?
  5. Read Proverbs 13:24. Have you ever struggled with giving too much freedom or avoiding conflict with your children? What happened, and how did you respond?
  6. Share a time when a parenting choice didn’t go as planned. What did you learn, and how would you approach it differently now?

See Also:

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Gentle Parenting: A Biblical Evaluation

Gentle Parenting has gained significant popularity in recent years as a parenting philosophy rooted in empathy, emotional connection, and positive discipline. Its roots come from Alfred Adler. Advocates promote its compassionate, respectful approach to child-rearing as an alternative to authoritarian or punitive parenting styles.

While aspects of gentle parenting align with biblical calls for kindness, patience, and love, there are also significant theological and biblical concerns that challenge some of its foundational assumptions. This article explores the principles of gentle parenting, its underlying view of human nature, and examines where it diverges from biblical truth from an evangelical perspective.

The Principles of Gentle Parenting

At its core, gentle parenting emphasizes a few key ideas:

1. Connection Over Control
Gentle parenting prioritizes forming a strong emotional bond with the child over exerting control. It believes that a connected parent-child relationship is the foundation for healthy behavior—promoting cooperation rather than fear-based compliance.

2. Empathy and Emotional Awareness
This approach encourages parents to understand and validate their children’s emotions. The idea is that emotional intelligence and self-regulation come through modeling empathy, not through punishment or suppression of feelings.

3. Positive Discipline
Gentle parenting replaces punitive measures (like spanking or time-outs) with positive discipline. Misbehavior is viewed as an opportunity to teach and guide rather than punish. Natural consequences and open communication are preferred over strict rules or punishments.

4. Respect for Autonomy
Children are treated as autonomous individuals deserving of respect. They are given choices and involved in decision-making processes, even from a young age, to foster a sense of independence.

5. Modeling Desired Behavior
Parents are encouraged to model the behavior they wish to see in their children—demonstrating patience, kindness, and self-control rather than asserting authority through discipline.

Underlying Assumptions About Human Nature

The gentle parenting model rests on assumptions about human nature that, while appealing, often conflict with the Bible’s teaching on humanity’s fallen condition and the need for discipline.

Biblical parenting embraces the timeless truth of God’s Word rather than the shifting ideas of popular culture. When evaluating gentle parenting, we must do so through a biblical lens.

1. Children: Inherently Good or Sinful?

Gentle parenting assumes that children are inherently good or morally neutral. Misbehavior is seen as the result of unmet needs or developmental immaturity. The belief is that with enough nurturing, empathy, and guidance, children will naturally become kind and well-behaved.

But the Bible teaches that all humans—including children—are born with a sinful nature.

Psalm 51:5 “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.”
Romans 3:23 “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

While gentle parenting sees misbehavior as situational, Scripture shows that rebellion and disobedience come from the sin nature within us all.

Proverbs 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.”

Parents must recognize the need for correction and discipline to address sin, not just nurture and guide. Ignoring the sinful tendencies of children can lead to permissiveness and neglect of God’s call to train them in righteousness.

2. Authority: Autonomy or Submission?

Gentle parenting promotes the idea that children’s autonomy should be honored and their preferences respected as much as possible. The focus is on collaboration rather than control.

But the Bible calls children to submit to their parents’ authority and parents to lead with love and wisdom.

Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

Gentle parenting can unintentionally undermine this biblical principle of authority. Scripture teaches that children must learn obedience and respect for their parents, while parents are called to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).

This means setting clear boundaries and requiring obedience—not as harsh control, but as loving guidance for spiritual formation.

3. Discipline: Cruel or Loving?

Gentle parenting often rejects punitive discipline that causes discomfort or distress. It seeks to maintain emotional safety at all times.

But the Bible consistently teaches that discipline is an act of love.

Proverbs 13:24 “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
Hebrews 12:6 “The Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His son.”

Discipline helps children learn the consequences of sin and points them toward godly behavior. While some parents have misused punishment, that doesn’t make discipline itself wrong:

“The presence of some dangerous drivers on the roads shouldn’t put a stop to all driving, and the existence of some abusive parents shouldn’t stop other parents from using punishment rightly.” — Gospel Coalition

Proverbs 3:11-12 “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.”

Takeaway

Gentle parenting offers valuable lessons about compassion, empathy, and patience. But from a biblical perspective, its assumptions about human nature, authority, and discipline fall short of Scripture’s truth.

The Bible teaches that children—like all people—are born with a sinful nature and need both grace and correction.

Parents are called to model Christlike love and kindness while also exercising their God-given authority to train, correct, and discipline. True biblical parenting reflects both grace and truth, just as God parents us—with lovingkindness and firm discipline.

Talking Points:
  • At its best, Gentle Parenting models emotional intelligence and compassion, echoing biblical values like patience, kindness, and love. But when empathy becomes the only lens, it can blur the deeper spiritual need for correction, training, and truth
  • Gentle Parenting emphasizes honoring children’s autonomy, which can help kids feel valued. But Scripture is clear: God has placed parents in authority to lead, guide, and require obedience—not to negotiate truth or surrender leadership.
  • While Gentle Parenting tends to explain disobedience as unmet needs or immaturity, the Bible points to a deeper root: the sin nature present in every human heart, even in children. Discipline, then, becomes a loving tool for spiritual growth.
  • One of the biggest critiques of traditional discipline is that it’s harsh or harmful. But biblical correction isn’t about punishment for punishment’s sake—it’s about shaping character. As Hebrews 12 reminds us, God disciplines those He loves.
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. What have you heard about “gentle parenting”? Do you know anyone who’s doing it, and if so, share some examples of how it is or isn’t working.
  3. Read Romans 3:23 and Proverbs 22:15. How does gentle parenting’s view of human nature differ from the Bible’s teaching, and how might this impact parenting decisions?
  4. Read Proverbs 3:11-12. Do you think avoiding punishment and discomfort, as advocated in gentle parenting, can hinder a child’s spiritual growth? Why or why not?
  5. How can Christian parents model Christlike love while also exercising firm discipline in a way that reflects God’s character? Give an example.
  6. What are the potential long-term consequences for children raised in a home that prioritizes autonomy and emotional comfort over biblical discipline?

See Also:

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