The Survival Guide for Parenting

Learn three basic principles for parenting kids so you can do more than survive….you can thrive during the parenting years!

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What Is the First Parenting Principle?

Posted: June 1, 2025

The first and most important principle of parenting is to put God first in your own life. Many parents focus so much on their children’s behavior or happiness that they neglect their own spiritual health.

Your Relationship With God Is the Foundation

We often think parenting is about what we do for our kids, but it actually starts with what is happening inside of us. If you want your children to love God, they need to see that you love God more than anything else. This isn’t about being perfect or following a set of religious rules. It is about a genuine, daily connection with Christ that changes the way you think, speak, and react.

When you make God your highest priority, you are not just checking a box. You are positioning yourself to receive the wisdom and patience you need for the daily challenges of raising kids. You cannot give your children what you do not have yourself. If your “spiritual tank” is empty, you will likely parent out of frustration or exhaustion. By putting God first, you tap into a source of grace that sustains you through every stage of your child’s life.

Matthew 6:33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

The Power of a Visible Example

Children are like sponges, and they observe your life much more than they listen to your lectures. This principle reminds us that our kids are watching how we handle stress, how we treat our spouses, and how we spend our time. If we tell them that God is important but never pray or read the Bible, they will see the inconsistency. Authenticity is the greatest tool in a parent’s belt.

When you put God first, your life becomes a living demonstration of the Gospel. You don’t have to be a theological expert to lead your family spiritually. You simply need to be a follower of Jesus who is willing to be honest about your own need for Him. When your kids see you apologize when you’re wrong or see you turning to God in prayer during a hard time, you are teaching them how to walk with God in the real world.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are rising up.

Moving From Child-Centered to God-Centered

In our modern culture, it is very easy to fall into the trap of child-centered parenting. This happens when the entire family schedule, budget, and emotional energy revolve around the child’s sports, hobbies, or whims. While loving our children is vital, making them the “center of the universe” actually places a burden on them that they weren’t meant to carry. It can lead to anxiety for the child and burnout for the parent.

Switching to a God-centered home changes the atmosphere. It takes the pressure off the parents to be the ultimate source of everything and places that role back on God. When God is in His rightful place at the center, the family finds a healthy rhythm. You begin to view your children as “arrows” to be released for God’s purposes rather than trophies to be displayed for your own pride. This shift in perspective brings a sense of peace and purpose to the home that wasn’t there before.

Trusting God With the Results

One of the hardest parts of parenting is realizing that you cannot control the outcome of your child’s life. You can do everything “right” and they may still struggle or make poor choices. This is why putting God first is so essential for your own peace of mind. When your identity is rooted in Christ rather than your child’s performance, you won’t be crushed by their failures or puffed up by their successes.

Putting God first means trusting Him with your children’s future. He loves them even more than you do. As you focus on your own walk with Him, you learn to release your kids into His hands. You provide the environment for growth, but God is the one who changes hearts. This realization allows you to parent with a spirit of invitation rather than a spirit of control.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

The Takeaway

Parenting principle number one is simply this: the best thing you can do for your children is to pursue God with all your heart. Your spiritual health is the ceiling of your parenting. By prioritizing your relationship with Jesus, you create a home environment where faith is caught, not just taught. Focus on your own walk with the Lord, and you will find the strength and wisdom to guide your children toward Him.

Discuss and Dive Deeper

Talk about it:

  1. Read “The Takeaway” above as a group. What are your initial thoughts about the article?
  2. Why is it so easy to let our children become the “center of the universe” instead of God?
  3. How does your personal relationship with Jesus directly impact the way you react to your children’s misbehavior?
  4. In what ways have you seen the difference between “teaching” faith and “demonstrating” faith in your home?
  5. What is one practical way you can prioritize your own spiritual growth this week despite a busy parenting schedule?
  6. How does trusting God with your child’s future help reduce the anxiety or pressure you feel as a parent?

See also:

Sources for this article:

Survival Guide for Parenting (Series)

Biblical Parenting (Series)

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How to Preach This Sermon:
  • Preview this sermon with the video, podcast, and article below.
  • Access this sermon’s slide template on Canva and customize as needed.
  • Preach this sermon and direct families, small groups, and mentors to pursuegod.org/survival.
  • Click on the dark gray tabs above for additional sermons in this series.

What Is the Second Parenting Principle?

Posted: June 3, 2025

Parenting principle two is that discipline is not optional for parents who want to raise healthy, well-adjusted children. According to the Bible, discipline is a fundamental expression of a parent’s love and a necessary tool for steering a child away from self-destructive behaviors. By establishing clear boundaries and consistent consequences, parents provide the security and guidance children need to grow into responsible, God-honoring adults.

Discipline Is an Expression of Love

Many people today view discipline as something harsh or even mean, but the Bible offers a completely different perspective. In the book of Proverbs, we learn that a parent who refuses to discipline their child actually lacks true love for them. Discipline isn’t about venting your frustration or “getting back” as a form of revenge. Instead, it is a proactive way to protect them from the natural consequences of poor choices.

When we discipline our kids, we are acting like our Heavenly Father. The Bible tells us that God disciplines those he loves. Think of it like a guardrail on a dangerous mountain road. The rail isn’t there to restrict your freedom or ruin your fun; it’s there to keep you from driving off a cliff. When you set firm boundaries, you are telling your child that they are valuable enough to protect.

Proverbs 13:24 Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.

The 3 C’s of Biblical Discipline

To practice this principle effectively, we must move beyond emotional reactions and follow a structured approach. Biblical discipline is most effective when it follows the “3 C’s”: Clear, Consistent, and Corrective. These three pillars ensure that our children aren’t just being punished, but are actually being trained in the way they should go.

Clear discipline means the rules are known ahead of time. A child shouldn’t have to guess what is expected of them or what the boundary is. Consistent discipline means the rules don’t change based on your mood or how tired you are. If a boundary is crossed, the consequence follows every time, which provides the child with a sense of security. Finally, Corrective discipline focuses on the heart. The goal is to correct the path of the child, showing them their need for Jesus and helping them make a better choice next time.

The Goal of Heart Transformation

This principle focuses on more than just behavior modification. If we only focus on stopping the bad behavior, we might raise kids who know how to follow rules but don’t actually love what is good. Biblical discipline aims for the heart. We want our children to understand why certain actions are wrong and how those actions affect their relationship with God and others.

Jesus always looked past the surface actions of people to see the condition of their hearts. As parents, we should do the same. When a child is defiant, it’s an opportunity to talk about pride and the need for a Savior. Discipline provides a teachable moment where we can point our kids toward the grace of Jesus. We show them that while they have failed, there is a way to make things right through repentance and forgiveness.

Moving Toward Self-Control

The ultimate end game of discipline is to move a child from being controlled by their parents to being controlled by their own conscience and the Holy Spirit. We won’t be with our children forever. Eventually, they will have to make choices on their own. Discipline is the training ground where they learn the art of self-control.

The Bible lists self-control as a fruit of the Spirit. As we discipline our children, we are helping them cultivate this fruit. We are teaching them that their impulses and desires shouldn’t always be the boss of them. By learning to submit to Mom and Dad’s rules now, they are being prepared to submit to God’s leadership later in life. This transition is vital for their spiritual maturity.

Hebrews 12:11 No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

The Takeaway

Parenting principle two reminds us that discipline is not optional because it is the primary way we shepherd our children’s hearts. True biblical discipline is rooted in love, focused on the heart, and applied with the 3 C’s: Clear, Consistent, and Corrective. It isn’t about punishment for the sake of punishment; it’s about training our kids to love God and exercise self-control. When we embrace our role as disciplinarians, we are ultimately pointing our children toward the life-changing grace of Jesus Christ.

Discuss and Dive Deeper

Talk about it:

  1. Read “The Takeaway” above as a group. What are your initial thoughts about the article?
  2. Which of the 3 C’s (Clear, Consistent, Corrective) do you find the most difficult to maintain in your home?
  3. How does the idea that “discipline equals love” challenge the way our modern culture views parenting?
  4. Why is it so difficult to remain consistent when we are tired, and what message does inconsistency send to a child?
  5. In what ways can a parent discipline a child’s heart rather than just their outward behavior?
  6. What are some practical ways to point a child toward the Gospel and the grace of Jesus after a moment of discipline?

See also:

Sources for this article:

Survival Guide for Parenting (Series)

Biblical Parenting (Series)

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How to Preach This Sermon:
  • Preview this sermon with the video, podcast, and article below.
  • Access this sermon’s slide template on Canva and customize as needed.
  • Preach this sermon and direct families, small groups, and mentors to pursuegod.org/survival.
  • Click on the dark gray tabs above for additional sermons in this series.

What Is the Third Parenting Principle?

Posted: June 10, 2025

Parenting principle number three is that every kid needs praise to thrive and grow into a healthy adult. While discipline (principle number 2) sets the boundaries, praise provides the fuel and encouragement children need to pursue what is good. According to the Bible, our words have the power to build up or tear down, and a home filled with life-giving affirmation helps a child understand their value as a person created in the image of God.

The Power of Life-Giving Words

The Bible is very clear about the impact of the things we say. Proverbs tells us that the tongue has the power of life and death. In the context of parenting, this means our words can either breathe life into our children’s souls or leave them feeling defeated and discouraged. Parenting principle number 3 reminds us that our primary job is to be our children’s biggest cheerleader.

When we praise our kids, we aren’t just making them feel good in the moment; we are helping them form their identity. If a child only hears what they are doing wrong, they begin to view themselves as a failure. However, when we catch them doing something right and name it, we reinforce the godly character traits we want to see grow in them.

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

The 3 B’s of Loving Affirmation

To apply parenting principle number 3 effectively, we should follow a simple framework to ensure our encouragement hits the mark. Affirmation is most powerful when it follows the “3 B’s”: Be intentional, Be authentic, and Be unique. These pillars help us move past generic “good job” comments and into meaningful, heart-level connection.

Be intentional means you are looking for opportunities to praise rather than waiting for them to happen. You “hunt” for the good stuff. Be authentic means your praise is sincere and rooted in truth. Kids have a “phoney-baloney” detector; they know when you are just saying something to be nice versus when you truly mean it. Finally, Be unique means you tailor your praise to that specific child’s personality and their specific actions. This shows them that you truly see them for who God made them to be.

Praise Is Not the Same as Flattery

It is important to distinguish between biblical praise and empty flattery. Flattery is often insincere or focused purely on outward performance. True praise focuses on character and effort. We aren’t just praising them for being “the best” at sports; we are praising the kindness they showed a friend or the perseverance they used to finish a hard task.

By praising character, we point our children toward the virtues that matter to God. When you tell your child, “I saw how patient you were with your sister,” you are highlighting a fruit of the Spirit. This kind of affirmation helps them see that God is working in their lives. It makes the abstract concept of “godly character” something concrete and achievable.

Mirroring the Father’s Affirmation

Ultimately, when we praise our children, we are mirroring the way God the Father speaks to us. Think about the baptism of Jesus. Before Jesus had performed a single miracle or started his public ministry, God spoke from heaven and said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.”

God affirmed Jesus’s identity and his love for Him. As parents, we should do the same. We praise our kids not because they have earned our love through perfect behavior, but because they are our children and they belong to God. This kind of unconditional affirmation provides a foundation of grace that helps them understand the Gospel more clearly as they grow.

Ephesians 4:29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

The Takeaway

Parenting principle three reminds us that every kid needs praise to develop a healthy sense of self and a heart for God. By using the 3 B’s—being intentional, authentic, and unique—we build a bridge of trust with our children. Our praise isn’t just about being nice; it’s about acting as a mentor who points out the beauty and potential God has placed within each child.

Discuss and Dive Deeper

Talk about it:

  1. Read “The Takeaway” above as a group. What are your initial thoughts about the article?
  2. Which of the 3 B’s (Be intentional, Be authentic, Be unique) do you struggle with the most in your daily parenting?
  3. Why is it often easier for parents to notice bad behavior than it is to notice and praise good behavior?
  4. How can we ensure our praise focuses on a child’s heart and character rather than just their achievements?
  5. What are some practical ways you can “hunt for the good” and intentionally catch your child doing something right this week?
  6. How does receiving affirmation from God the Father help us become better at affirming our own children?

See also:

Sources for this article:

Survival Guide for Parenting (Series)

Biblical Parenting (Series)

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Print Friendly, PDF & Email