Two Fundamental Principles for Parenting Teens
Talking Points:
- The principle of ownership: the ultimate goal of parenting is that our kids leave the house with the values we’ve passed on to them firmly rooted in their hearts. That happens when your teen owns those values for themselves.
- The principle of discovery: instead of lecturing your kids, have a conversation where your teenager can express their own thoughts and opinions and discover the truth for themselves.
Discussion:
- Describe the best conversation or connection you’ve had with your teenager so far. What can you learn from the circumstances surrounding that interaction that set you up for success?
- Do you feel comfortable talking with your kids about important issues and having conversations with them? Explain.
- Read Deuteronomy 6:4-9. What does this passage emphasize for parents? How can you be more intentional about bringing God’s word into your family life?
- How have your lectures worked on your kids? Why is it important for you to listen to your kids’ perspective?
- Read Matthew 13:10-13. Jesus used parables as a way to capture the attention of his listeners. Explain how the principle of discovery can help to capture the attention of your teenagers.
- Explain the principle of ownership. In what ways do you see your teenagers taking ownership in their lives already? What are some things you want to see them own more?
See Also:
The Teen Brain and What to Do About It
Talking Points:
- Start with a plan. You need to decide the values you want to impart and then be strategic in how you bring those values to bear on your teens.
- Be a good listener. Teenagers are trying to find their own voice and they want to feel heard by you.
- Allow for some self expression from your teens within reason. Let your kids dabble in fashion, piercings or even colored hair if that is important to them.
- Create clear boundaries with your teenagers. Be specific about your expectations on matters like curfew, dating, grades and extra-curricular activities.
Discussion:
- Which of the four keys in this topic need the most work in your parent-child relationship? Which needs the least work? Explain.
- Read 1 Peter 5:2-3. How does this passage apply to parenting? How do you need to take more ownership in caring for your “flock”?
- Read James 1:19. Why is it important to listen to your teen? What are some ways you can get better at this?
- What are some “self-expressions” from your teen that have provoked an intense reaction from you? Explain.
- “If you make every potential conflict over every little thing into a battle, you’ll lose the war.” Explain how this applies to parenting and whether you agree or disagree and why.
- “Boundaries are not about punishment. Boundaries are about restricting your kids in some ways so that they can experience the best of life in the most important ways.” Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Explain.
- Read Psalm 19:7-9. What does this passage say about God’s rules and boundaries? How can you better communicate the purpose of your boundaries to your teens and explain that they are for their benefit?
- What will be the long-term consequences for your teens if you don’t set good boundaries for them now?
See Also:
Here’s How to Love a Teen
Talking Points:
- Key Principles to loving your teens starts with open and honest conversation. The more they can trust you to handle their struggles calmly, the more trust is built.
- Giving your teen some autonomy goes along way in training your teen to own their own choices and future. Trying to control every aspect will only create frustration for you both.
- Be clear about the boundaries and invite your teen to be a part of discovering why boundaries are important and what it will take to change them as they grow and mature.
- Make sure to love your teen unconditionally. They will mess up but they need to know that your love is dependent upon their performance.
Discussion:
- What’s the most challenging thing about raising teenagers? Give an example.
- Do you have any “house rules” that you think work well in keeping the peace and ensuring your teenagers stay on track?
- Teenagers often make choices that make us scratch our heads. How do you deal with situations where you disagree with your teen’s choices?
- How do you navigate the whole tech and social media scene with your teenagers? What grade would you give yourself on it?
- What’s your go-to activity for bonding with your teenagers? What do you like to do to hang out and connect with them?
- Read Proverbs 22:6. How does this make Christian parenting different from secular parenting? What are some of the values you want to pass on to your teens?
See Also:
3 Parenting Tips for Disciplining Teens
Discipline can be hard but it is essential for your teen’s development.
Talking Points:
- We do our children a disservice when we lay aside our roles as parents and try to be friends instead. It’s our job to discipline our children, so here are three C’s to help you parent with purpose.
- Be clear. Make sure that you set expectations for your teens and be sure to clearly communicate those to them.
- Be consistent. Discipline is ineffective if you apply consequences some times but not all times.
- Be corrective. The consequence needs to make an impact on your teen so they’re motivated to avoid the same mistake in the future.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- What was your behavior like as a teen? What similarities do you see between your teen and yourself at their age?
- What were some of the boundaries your parents set when you were a teenager? Would you say that you discipline your teen in the same way your parents disciplined you? In what ways are you different?
- Read Proverbs 22:15. What are some of the foolish things you see in your teens right now? How can discipline help to correct those?
- Read Hebrews 12:11. What can happen if you don’t discipline your teens? In what ways do we do our children a disservice when we try to be their friend instead of their parent?
- Do you and your spouse always agree on how to parent and discipline? What do you do when you disagree? How would establishing boundaries help you compromise and co-parent better?
- Give yourself a grade: how are you when it comes to being clear? Why do you grade yourself this way?
- Give yourself a grade: how are you when it comes to being consistent? Why do you grade yourself this way?
- Give yourself a grade: how are you when it comes to being corrective? Why do you grade yourself this way?
- Read Proverbs 19:18. What does it mean to “discipline while there is hope?” How can failure to discipline your kid derail their future?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
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