In a grace-based ministry, we prioritize connection, but we must also recognize when “felt safety” is being compromised for the rest of the group. Disciplinary action becomes necessary when a child’s behavior moves from “unregulated” to “unsafe.” This includes physical aggression toward others, persistent verbal abuse, or behavior that prevents the Gospel from being shared with the group. True discipline is not about retribution; it is about setting a boundary that protects the child, the other students, and the holiness of the environment.
Defining the Line: Safety and Respect
While we extend immense grace for mistakes, a line must be drawn at physical harm. If a child hits, bites, or throws objects, an immediate “time-in” or a supervised removal from the room is required. This isn’t just for the safety of the other kids; it is also for the child who is struggling. A child who is out of control feels unsafe within themselves. Stepping in to stop the behavior is actually an act of love. We must also address persistent, willful disrespect that disrupts the entire flow of the lesson, as this prevents others from hearing the Word of God.
Hebrews 12:11 No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.
The Goal of Restoration
Every disciplinary action in the church should have a clear goal: restoration. Once a child has calmed down and the immediate danger or disruption has passed, the leader should engage in a “repair” conversation. This involves discussing what happened, why the boundary was set, and how to move forward. Ask the child, “How can we make this right?” This teaches them that while their actions had consequences, their place in the family of God is secure. We discipline to train, not to exclude.
Partnering with Parents for Consistency
Discipline should never be a “volunteer vs. child” situation. If a child’s behavior reaches a point where they must be removed from the room, it is time to bring the parents into the conversation. Approach the parents as partners, not as a “principal” calling them into the office. Share the incident with honesty and empathy, and ask for their insight on how to best support their child. Consistency between home and church helps the child feel more secure and understand that the boundaries are a reflection of the love of their parents and their church family.
Knowing When to Seek Professional Support
Sometimes, a child’s behavioral challenges go beyond what a volunteer can manage during a Sunday morning service. If a child consistently requires one-on-one attention or exhibits high levels of aggression, it may be time for the ministry leadership to discuss a “special buddy” system or a modified schedule for that child. Recognizing our own limitations is a part of stewardship. The goal is to keep the child included in the church community while ensuring the ministry environment remains healthy and sustainable for volunteers.
Galatians 6:1 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.
The Takeaway
Disciplinary action in children’s ministry is a tool used to preserve safety and point children toward self-control. It should always be handled with a “low-energy” calm and a “high-grace” heart. By setting clear boundaries and focusing on restoration, we teach children that God’s love is both firm in its truth and endless in its mercy. Discipline, when done correctly, doesn’t drive a child away from the church; it provides the structure they need to feel safe and grow in their faith.
