Podcasts + Discipleship: Click to Learn How to Use PursueGOD
PursueGOD is a new kind of discipleship curriculum for an increasingly complicated world. We use podcasts on a variety of topics to offer no-nonsense answers to everyday questions. Then we organize these podcasts into series so you can use them to make disciples at church, home, or in the world. Here’s how it works:
- Pick a series from our homepage. There's plenty to choose from!
- Each series contains multiple lessons. Click on the numbered tabs to open each lesson.
- Start by listening to the podcast on your own, before you meet as a group. Take notes as needed, and listen again if it helps. Consider starting a discipleship journal to track what you're learning.
- Meet as a group to talk through what you learned from the podcast. Each lesson includes shownotes, talking points, and discussion questions. Click on the # tab to explore additional topics.
- Listen to the podcast above for more helpful tips or check out one of our many training series.
What Are the Two Fundamental Principles for Parenting Teens?
The two fundamental principles for parenting teens are establishing a strong, grace-based relationship and fostering personal ownership in their faith. When you transition from a role of total control to a role of coaching, you protect your influence. By prioritizing deep connection and nurturing their individual responsibility, you create a safe environment where your teen learns to follow Jesus for themselves rather than just following your rules.
The Shift from Control to Coaching
Parenting a toddler requires a high level of control for safety and development. You tell a toddler where to go, what to eat, and when to sleep. However, as your child enters the teenage years, that same approach often backfires. When parents try to maintain total control, they often lose their influence entirely. This is because a teenager’s primary developmental goal is autonomy. If you push for control, they push for independence, and the result is a wall of conflict.
Instead, you must intentionally pivot to a role of coaching. A coach does not play the game for the athlete. A coach stands on the sidelines, offering guidance, correction, and encouragement while allowing the player to make decisions and experience the outcomes. This approach respects their growing maturity while keeping you close enough to steer them toward wisdom. Jesus modeled this perfectly with his disciples. He gave them freedom to choose, space to fail, and the ultimate opportunity to take ownership of the mission.
Principle One: Prioritizing the Relationship
The most essential principle for parenting teens is protecting the relationship. Your influence is directly tied to the level of trust and connection you share with your child. If you prioritize “being right” or “winning an argument” over the relationship, you will eventually lose the ability to speak into their life. Teenagers are often hyper-aware of hypocrisy and judgment. When they feel judged, they shut down. When they feel known and loved, they open up.
You build this relationship by listening more than you talk. This means asking questions that show you care about their world, their friends, and their struggles. It means creating space for them to be honest without fearing an immediate lecture. When your teen knows you are on their side, they are much more likely to listen to your advice.
You are called to be your child’s primary advocate. This requires humility, patience, and a willingness to apologize when you mess up. When you model grace in your relationship, you show them the heart of the Gospel. They see that your love for them is not performance-based. This creates a secure foundation that allows you to address difficult topics without damaging the bond you share.
Principle Two: Fostering Personal Ownership
The second fundamental principle is moving your teen toward personal ownership of their faith and their choices. Many Christian parents inadvertently create “rule-followers” rather than “disciples.” If a teen’s faith is only based on what they were told to believe at home, that faith will likely crumble when they encounter the pressures of the adult world. They need to own their convictions. You can facilitate this by using the PursueGOD model of asking good questions.
Instead of lecturing, ask questions that force your teen to think critically. For example, rather than saying “You shouldn’t hang out with those kids,” try asking, “How do you think those friends influence the way you act on weekends?” This shifts the responsibility of the conclusion to them. When they arrive at the right answer on their own, it becomes part of their own belief system. This is the definition of discipleship.
Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
This principle extends to every area of life, including school, work, and personal habits. Give them ownership over their schedule and their mistakes. When they face the consequences of a poor decision, use that moment as a coaching opportunity. Ask them what they learned and how they might handle the situation differently next time. By empowering them to own their lives, you prepare them to take full responsibility for their walk with Jesus.
The Christ-Centered Parenting Model
At the heart of these two principles lies the example of Jesus. God the Father did not force humanity to love Him. He gave us free will and then provided a way for us to return to Him through the sacrifice of His Son. When we parent our teens, we are essentially acting as ambassadors of that same grace. We want to draw them toward God’s best, not through coercion, but through the attractive power of a relationship built on love and truth.
This model requires a great deal of prayer and reliance on the Holy Spirit. You cannot change your teen’s heart, but you can create the environment where they are most likely to encounter the Gospel. By staying connected and encouraging their ownership, you demonstrate that following Jesus is not just about avoiding trouble. It is about living a life of purpose and character. Keep pointing them to Jesus in every conversation, and trust that the seeds you are planting today will grow in time.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full
The Takeaway
Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, and the teenage years are a critical phase of the race. By focusing on these two fundamental principles for parenting teens—prioritizing your relationship and fostering personal ownership—you set your child up for long-term success. Your goal is not to produce a perfect teenager, but to disciple a young adult who knows how to navigate life with wisdom and a reliance on God. Continue to lead with grace, listen with intent, and trust that God is working in your child’s heart even when you cannot see the results.
What Should I Do About the Teen Brain?
The teen brain is undergoing a significant biological remodel, causing emotional volatility and impulse control issues. To effectively parent during these years, you must shift from a manager to a consultant. By starting with a values-based plan, listening actively, allowing appropriate self-expression, and setting clear boundaries, you help your teen transition into a mature, Christ-following adult who understands how to make wise, independent decisions.
Understanding the Biological Remodeling Process
When we look at the teen brain, we often see erratic behavior, emotional volatility, or questionable decision-making. We might assume these are signs of rebellion or a lack of character. However, neuroscientists explain that the teenage brain is essentially a house under construction. During adolescence, the brain undergoes a massive pruning and rebuilding process, specifically within the prefrontal cortex. This area is responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and understanding consequences.
Because this region is “offline” for construction, teens often rely more heavily on the amygdala. This is the emotional center of the brain. They feel things intensely before they think things through logically. When you understand this, you stop taking their reactions personally. You begin to see that their brain is literally struggling to catch up with their emotions. Patience becomes your greatest tool because you realize they are not trying to be difficult. They are simply developing.
Strategic Mentorship and Active Listening
You need to decide the values you want to impart and then be strategic in how you bring those values to bear on your teens. Instead of simply reacting to every situation, come to the table with a proactive plan that aligns with your family’s faith. If you fail to define your values beforehand, you will likely default to frustration when challenges arise. A strategic approach ensures that you are parenting with purpose rather than just managing crises.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Beyond planning, you must be a good listener. Teenagers are trying to find their own voice and they want to feel heard by you. When you listen to understand rather than to correct, you build relational capital. This capital allows you to speak into their lives when it truly matters.
Balancing Self-Expression and Clear Boundaries
Allow for some self-expression from your teens within reason. Let your kids dabble in fashion, piercings or even colored hair if that is important to them. Providing a small, safe lane for autonomy helps them feel respected and reduces unnecessary conflict over minor issues. It allows them to experiment with their identity in ways that do not compromise their character or their safety.
At the same time, create clear boundaries with your teenagers. Be specific about your expectations on matters like curfew, dating, grades and extra-curricular activities. Clear boundaries provide a sense of security and structure for a brain that is struggling with self-regulation. When you pair freedom in minor preferences with firm standards on major life issues, you teach your teen that true freedom exists within the guardrails of wisdom and responsibility.
Addressing the Intersection of Sin and Development
It is easy to blame every bad decision on the teen brain, but we must be careful not to excuse sin under the guise of biology. While developmental biology explains the impulse to act out, it does not justify the action itself. Scripture reminds us that we are all responsible for our choices, regardless of our age or brain chemistry. We must hold our teens to a high standard, not because we are harsh, but because we love them enough to teach them about grace and accountability.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
When your teen makes a mistake, address the heart issue rather than just the behavior. Acknowledge the brain development struggles, but point them toward the cross. They need to understand that their worth is not tied to their ability to get everything right. They are works in progress, just like us. When we model humility by owning our own mistakes, we show them that the Christian life is about constant reliance on the grace of Jesus.
The Takeaway
Navigating the teen brain requires a blend of scientific understanding, patient parenting, and deep, Gospel-centered reliance. You are not a perfect parent, and they are not a finished product. By shifting your approach from managing behavior to mentoring the heart, you create a path for your teen to mature into a self-sufficient, Christ-following adult. Remember that your primary role is to be a consistent, loving guide who constantly points them toward the One who holds their future.
How Do I Love My Teens?
Loving your teens requires patience, intentionality, and a focus on building a relationship rather than just fixing problems. You show love by listening more than you lecture, creating a safe space for them to be themselves, and pointing them toward the unconditional love of Jesus. While the teenage years bring unique challenges, consistent presence and grace remain the most effective ways to nurture a lasting connection with your children during this transitional season.
Prioritize Relationship Over Rules
Many parents view their role as primarily custodial or disciplinary. You might feel the pressure to monitor grades, screen time, and social habits, believing that rigid control equals good parenting. However, if your primary interaction with your teen involves correction or instruction, you will quickly build a wall between your heart and theirs. Relationships thrive on connection, not just compliance. Your teen needs to know that you enjoy their company and value their thoughts, even when those thoughts differ from your own.
The Bible highlights the importance of listening as a foundational aspect of relationship-building. When you prioritize hearing your teen, you signal that they matter. This creates an environment where they feel safe bringing their struggles to you rather than hiding them.
James 1:19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
When you slow down your own responses, you invite your teen into a conversation rather than a confrontation. You demonstrate that you value them as a person created in the image of God, rather than a project to be managed. This shift in perspective changes everything about how you communicate daily.
Nurture Their Unique Interests
One of the most practical ways to show love is by taking a genuine interest in what makes your teenager tick. Even if their hobbies—whether it is gaming, art, sports, or obscure music—do not naturally align with your own, you bridge the relational gap by entering their world. Ask questions that invite them to explain why they enjoy these things. When you show curiosity about their passions, you communicate that you value them as an individual. This active engagement demonstrates that you want to be part of their life, not just an observer, and it opens doors for deeper conversations about their dreams and worldview.
Create a Safe Space for Vulnerability
Teenagers often operate under the pressure of performance. They feel the weight of academic expectations, social status, and the need to curate a perfect online persona. If your home feels like another place where they must perform to gain your approval, they will eventually shut down. You must become a safe harbor where they can admit failure, ask difficult questions, and express doubt without fearing your disappointment or immediate judgment.
Creating this space means letting go of the need to have every answer. You do not always need to provide a solution or a moral lesson every time they speak. Sometimes, your teen simply needs you to sit with them in the discomfort of their situation. When they feel heard, they feel loved. This vulnerability requires significant humility on your part. You must be willing to admit your own mistakes and share your own struggles, showing them that you are also a person in need of God’s grace.
Extend Grace When They Stumble
Teenagers, by design, are testing their independence. They will make mistakes, exercise poor judgment, and occasionally push boundaries. Your reaction in these moments defines the depth of your love. If you react with anger or shame, you teach them that love is conditional and based on their behavior. If you react with grace, you mirror the gospel of Jesus Christ, who pursued us while we were still sinners.
Grace does not mean ignoring sinful behavior or abandoning discipline. Rather, it means addressing the behavior while maintaining the relationship. It involves holding them accountable with a heart that seeks restoration rather than retribution. When your teen messes up, they need to know that your love for them is unshakeable. This mirrors how God interacts with us.
Colossians 3:13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
By extending this grace, you build a bridge of trust. They will eventually learn that they can run toward you when they fail, rather than running away. This dynamic keeps the door open for future conversations about faith, morality, and character.
Affirm Their Worth in Christ
In a world that constantly defines teenagers by their achievements, athletic ability, or popularity, you have a vital mission to define them by their identity in Christ. Many parents accidentally communicate that their love is tied to their child’s success. You might unintentionally praise their grades or accomplishments more than their character. To truly love your teens, you must pivot toward affirming their inherent value as image-bearers of God.
This intentional affirmation helps them internalize the truth that their worth is secure in Jesus, regardless of their performance. When they rest in that security, they become less anxious and more capable of navigating the pressures of the world. Your voice should be the loudest one speaking truth into their lives, countering the messages of inadequacy that they hear everywhere else.
Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago
The Takeaway
Loving your teens is a marathon, not a sprint. It demands that you surrender your desire for control and embrace the path of humility and grace. By listening intently, nurturing their interests, providing a safe space for their emotions, extending forgiveness, and affirming their identity in Christ, you point them toward the ultimate source of love. Your consistency during these volatile years will eventually bear fruit as they transition into adulthood.
What Are the Three C’s of Disciplining Teens?
Effective parenting during the teenage years requires a framework that fosters both obedience and relational health. To discipline your teen in a way that truly disciples them, you should implement three traits of discipline: clear, consistent, and corrective. By focusing on these three pillars, you move away from emotional, reactive parenting and toward an intentional approach that points your teen toward a lasting, meaningful relationship with Jesus.
Establish Clear Expectations
The first trait of discipline is clarity. Teenagers often struggle with frustration when rules seem arbitrary or hidden. If they do not understand the standard, they cannot aim for it. As parents, we must clearly define our family values and the expectations that accompany them. This does not mean you have to be a drill sergeant, but it does mean you must articulate your boundaries in a way that your teen understands.
Proverbs 29:18 says: When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is happy.
Clarity prevents confusion and limits the arguments that often arise from ambiguity. Sit down with your teen to discuss not just the “what,” but the “why” behind your rules. When they understand the reasoning behind your expectations, they are more likely to respect the process. Clarity transforms a demand into a shared understanding of what it looks like to live a godly life.
Maintain Consistent Boundaries
Once you establish clear expectations, you must maintain consistency. Consistency is the glue that holds discipline together. If you enforce a rule on Tuesday but ignore it on Wednesday because you are tired or distracted, your teen will view the rule as optional. Inconsistency breeds resentment because your teen never knows exactly what to expect from you.
God remains consistent in His character, and we should mirror that stability. When your reactions are predictable, your teen feels safe. They know that your discipline comes from a place of love and a desire for their well-being, rather than your own mood or convenience. Consistency requires effort, but it is the primary way we build trust. When you say you will do something, follow through every single time. This reliability teaches your teen to take responsibility for their own choices.
Focus on Corrective Restoration
The final trait is that discipline must be corrective. Correction is about training. Consequences need to “hurt” so they don’t want to repeat that behavior.
Hebrews 12:11 says: No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.
When your teen misses the mark, approach them with an eye toward their heart. Ask questions that help them see the connection between their actions and their character. By focusing on correction, you show them that they are capable of change and that their mistakes do not define their future. You are guiding them toward a harvest of right living, reflecting the grace that Jesus offers to each of us.
The Takeaway
Discipline in the home is not about control; it is about discipleship. By applying the three traits of discipline—being clear, consistent, and corrective—you provide a stable environment where your teen can grow. These traits help you bypass unnecessary conflict and focus on what matters most: helping your child develop a character that honors God. When you discipline with these principles, you are modeling the very grace and structure that the Lord provides for all His children.
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