Anxiety has reached epidemic proportions in our culture, and it might have to do with the “illusion of control” that technology has given us. We can reach anyone, anytime at the touch of a button. (And worse yet, they can reach us.) We have instant access to movies and answers and doctors. Like Pharaohs of old, we live in private palaces. And like God, we need only to speak to turn on the lights. 

But it’s all an illusion. The truth is, we have no more control than the cavemen did before us. And that’s why, more than ever, control freaks get so anxious. 

Re-defining Anxiety

Oxford defines anxiety as “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.” It’s clarifying to add one more phrase to the end of that definition: “…that you can’t control”. The imminent event isn’t the problem. The reason we’re so scared is because we’re not in control. 

For some people, this is a new insight. It’s the revelation, the new sense of out-of-controlness, that usually brings on the panic. The anxiety chapter in the Bible (Philippians 4) offers a surprising antidote to this problem, tailored just for control freaks: 

Philippians 4:4-5 (NLT) Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

For Paul’s hearers, this was probably meant to be encouraging. They were suffering persecution as first-century Christians. Life was hard, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Take heart: Jesus is coming soon! 

But we have a different problem today: we love our lives! We’ve created heaven on earth, and it’s uncomfortable (and unnecessary) to think about eternity. We hear “The Lord is coming soon…” and we think, “Am I ready? Will I make the cut?” For many of us today, the phrase causes dread! 

Anxiety as a Thorn

That’s the beautiful thing about anxiety. It’s a warning sign, a wake-up call. It brings us back down to earth, and it reminds us of the reality of our condition. We are not in control. We need to re-establish our reliance upon God. 

Paul learned this lesson for himself and passed it on the the church in Corinth: 

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NLT) So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

We don’t have the specifics about Paul’s thorn in the flesh. It could’ve been his poor eyesight or some sort of incurable disease. But maybe it was plain old anxiety. Paul was, after all, a bit of a control freak. 

Anxiety makes you feel “less than” and opens you up to vulnerability. It shows your weakness. And guess what? That’s a good thing! This thorn in the flesh opens the door to a work of God in and through you.

Who’s on the Throne?

Because here’s the question we’ll all have to answer one day: who is on the throne of your life? Who’s in control, really? 

The prophet Isaiah had that question on his mind when the great King Uzziah died after 52 years on the throne in Israel. His reign brought peace and prosperity like the nation hadn’t known since the times of King David (2 Chronicles 26). Life was good, and then Uzziah died. That’s when Isaiah had his spectacular vision:

Isaiah 6:1 (NLT) It was in the year King Uzziah died that I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple.

Israel’s illusion of control was exposed when their beloved king passed away. So God gave their prophet Isaiah a timely vision. Author Max Lucado explains it well: 

“Uzziah’s throne was empty, but God’s was occupied. Uzziah’s reign had ended, but God’s had not. Uzziah’s voice was silent, but God’s was strong (Isa. 6:8–10). He was, and is, alive, on the throne, and worthy of endless worship. God calmed the fears of Isaiah, not by removing the problem, but by revealing his divine power and presence.”

God’s divine power and presence. That’s the eternal constant. Whatever crisis you’re facing that seems beyond your control, remember this: nothing has changed. God was in control before your crisis, and he’s still on the throne right now. Everything else is just an illusion.

Rejoice in the Lord  

So what’s the practical response to anxiety for a control freak? The answer is surprisingly simple, and it brings us back to the passage we started with: 

Philippians 4:4 (NLT) Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! 

Philippians is an interesting letter. It was written by Paul from prison, yet the theme is surprising: joy. Paul had a decision to make. He could focus on his prison walls or he could focus on the providence of God. The former would make him anxious and depressed, highlighting his powerlessness. The latter would free him from his dungeon of despair. He chose the latter, and he made a habit of rejoicing in the Lord.

If you’re a control freak, lean into your anxiety. Listen to it, and let it become your teacher. Here’s the lesson you’ll learn: you are not in control, and you never have been. God has always been on the throne, and that’s worth celebrating. 

Anyone who struggles with anxiety needs to get a grip on the concept of “rumination”. Here’s how Oxford defines the concept: “a deep or considered thought about something.” The alternative definition is more graphic: “the action of chewing the cud.” Rumination is when your mind chews on something over and over, like a cow constantly chewing the cud. And it’s a classic symptom of anxiety. 

Maybe that’s what Paul is addressing in his famous “anxiety chapter” in the Bible:

Philippians 4:8 (NLT) And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 

This is healthy, godly rumination – the kind that leads to peace. The opposite is worldly rumination, and that’s the kind that leads to anxiety. But before we drill down on the difference, let’s take a detour to learn how the mind works.

A Beautiful Mind

The brain is a complex organ. God designed it, and scientists are still trying to figure out how it works. When it comes to its impact on anxiety, authors Catherine Pittman and Elizabeth Karle make an interesting observation:

Many people believe that certain situations are the cause of their anxiety, but anxiety always begins in the brain, not with the situation. Anxiety is a human emotion, produced by the human brain, and emotions are caused by the brain’s reaction to situations, not the situations themselves.

So how exactly does the brain react to fearful situations? There seem to be two pathways. The logical pathway involves the cortex. If your anxiety is connected to a conscious memory or thought, the cortex is where it starts. Once the information hits the amygdala, that’s when you actually feel anxious.  

But for some types of anxiety there’s a shortcut. Amygdala-based anxiety skips the cortex altogether, traveling the pathway from the thalamus directly to the amygdala. This type of anxiety can be especially frustrating, because you’re not sure where it’s coming from or how it got triggered. 

This information helps us to understand panic attacks. They’re essentially an overreaction of the amygdala that makes no sense to your cortex. Pittman and Karle explain:

Basically, a panic attack is your body launching into the fight, flight, or freeze response at an inappropriate time due to an overreaction by the amygdala, often in response to some sort of trigger that poses no real danger.

So what happens in your brain during a panic attack? You ruminate. Your mind just keeps playing that ruinous thought over and over, like a cow endlessly chewing the cud. 

Redirect Your Thoughts

Enter the biblical solution. Long before science understood the cortex and amygdala, Paul offered a solution to the rumination that can drive us all crazy. Let’s look at it again: 

Philippians 4:8 (NLT) And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Paul is offering a solution that even modern psychologists would approve of: redirect your thoughts. Recognize the overreaction of the amygdala, and engage your cortex to activate the solution. Paul tells us to fix our thoughts on better things.

“True” refers simply to factual thoughts rather than the false narratives that perpetuate the anxiety cycle. Many anxiety-producing ruminations don’t even make logical sense! 

“Honorable, right, and pure” refers to the things that honor God. So much anxiety for Christians is rooted in a sinful lifestyle, often hidden from view. Paul says to stop ruminating on sin. Come clean, and train your mind to fixate on godly things.  

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭NLT Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.‬‬

“Lovely and admirable” are two words that appear only here in the New Testament (prosphilē and euphēma). They speak to things that build up rather than tear down. Think of it as the mental counterpart to Paul’s command to the church in Ephesus: 

Ephesians 4:29 Let everything you say [think] be good and helpful, so that your words [thoughts] will be an encouragement to those who hear [think] them.

The verse concludes with Paul’s summary statement: “Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” His point is to be mindful about letting your mind run wild. Be intentional about your thought life, and discipline yourself to think about the right stuff. 

Practice, Practice, Practice

Then what? What happens after your get your thoughts right? Paul gives a simple answer: 

Philippians 4:9 (NLT) Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

This was more than a philosophy for Paul. He was actually living it, and he’s inviting you to live it too. When you win the battle in your mind, you can win it in your everyday life. God made your beautiful mind, and you can learn to bring it into submission to him. “Then the God of peace will be with you.”

 Pittman, Catherine M.; Karle, Elizabeth M. Rewire Your Anxious Brain. New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.

Philippians 4 is the anxiety chapter of the Bible. The most famous verses are 6 and 7, where Paul reveals the secret of replacing the anxiety cycle with the peace cycle. Verse 8 explains how to overcome ruinous rumination by fixing your thoughts on better things. But all of this comes in the shadow of perhaps the most obscure verses in the entire book:

Philippians 4:2-3 (NLT) Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. 

Paul is referencing here another type of anxiety all too common in the church and in our homes: relational anxiety. Apparently these two women had a serious disagreement. To Paul, it was a big enough deal that he included it in scripture! It should be a big deal to us as well. So let’s talk about four practical steps to settling disagreements and overcoming relational anxiety.

Commit to being a peace-maker.

Every family and organization has a set of core values, whether they are plastered on walls or simply embedded in the hearts and minds of the members. The early church was no different, and one of its values is summarized best here:

Romans 12:17 (NLT) Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

For early Christians, relationships mattered. Reconciliation was at a premium, inspired in large part by the gospel message itself. Through Jesus, God had reconciled with humanity. In his church, Gentiles and Jews were commanded to tear down cultural barriers and become a united people. The theme appears throughout the New Testament, to include earlier in Paul’s letter to the church in Philippi:

Philippians 2:1-2 (NLT) Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

This gives us context for Paul’s message to Euodia and Syntyche in chapter 4. Why go through the trouble of reconciliation? Why not just bail on the relationship? Paul makes the reason clear: “because you belong to the Lord.” Christians are peace-makers because Jesus was a peace-maker. It’s a core value for followers of Christ.

Put yourself in their shoes.

So how do you start? What’s the first step in biblical reconciliation? Try this: put yourself in their shoes. Resist the urge to get in your box and point fingers. Follow the example of Christ:

Philippians 2:4 (NLT) Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

This is hard and unnatural. Who does this? By nature we’re all trained to think about conflict from our own perspectives. We give ourselves the benefit of the doubt and we extend little grace to others. They do the same thing to us, and the disagreement only gets more unsettling.

So try this instead: think about it from their perspective. Play over the conversation in your head and try to articulate the problem in their words. How would you feel in their position? Stop fixating on what they’ve done wrong. Look in the mirror instead. Pray this prayer:

Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT) Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

When you put yourself in someone else’s shoes, you open the door to self-awareness and humility. That puts you in the place to take the next step toward settling your disagreement.

Talk to them, not about them.

In conflict, it’s far easier to talk about someone than it is to talk directly to them. When you gossip, you seek out someone who will take your side. You triangulate and look for a “yes man” who will confirm that you’re right and the other person is wrong.

But as soon as you do this, you’re wrong. Even if you were right to start with.

It’s called the “Matthew 18 Protocol,” and it comes straight from the mouth of Jesus. It’s a principle for dealing with conflict that very few Christians apply to their relationships. 

Matthew 18:15-16 If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again….

Jesus believed that every human is created in the image of God. This is the basis for his conflict protocol. People matter to God, so they should matter to you. Don’t gossip. Reach out and make attempts at peace, especially if they have sinned against you.

This might mean compromise. It might require forgiving them without them even asking for it. It might mean taking more responsibility than you think you deserve. But it’s worth it, because people are worth it. Paul captured the sentiment here: 

Romans 12:9-10 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

Honoring someone in the middle of conflict means talking to them, not about them. And that means preparing yourself for one final step.

Be ready to absorb the offense.

Sometimes the Matthew 18 Protocol opens the door to a miracle. Both people hear each other out. Apologies are offered and hugs are exchanged. The disagreement is settled! 

But sometimes it doesn’t work. 

The hardest part of reconciliation is when it doesn’t go as planned. You try to be the bigger person, but the conflict continues. You don’t see eye-to-eye. Apologies are not offered. Hurts remain. What happens then? 

When you’ve done all that you can to make peace and the conflict remains, there’s only one option left: you have to absorb the offense.

This is what Jesus did for us on the cross. He absorbed the wrath we deserved for our sin and took it upon Himself.

Philippians 2:5-8 (NLT) You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

Jesus emptied Himself of all His rights as God to come and walk among us. He chose humility. He chose sacrifice. He saw the bigger picture. 

When we understand all that Jesus endured for us, we can choose to forgive. We can pray for those that have hurt us and look for ways to make peace. 

Romans 12:14 (NLT) Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them.

1 John 4:7-8 (NLT) Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.