The Principle of Ownership in Parenting: A Biblical Approach

One of the greatest responsibilities a parent has is to raise children who are equipped to navigate the world with strong, biblically grounded values. A fundamental principle of parenting is the idea of “ownership”—that the ultimate goal is for our children to leave home with the values we have instilled in them firmly rooted in their hearts. This means moving from a phase where they “rent” these values—temporarily adopting them while under our guidance—to a place where they “own” them, making those values personal, enduring, and guiding their decisions as independent adults.

The Biblical Foundation of Ownership

Scripture provides a foundation for this principle, particularly in passages that emphasize training, teaching, and passing on faith to the next generation. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This well-known verse reflects the heart of biblical parenting—intentional training in godly ways. However, for this promise to hold true, children must internalize the faith and values taught to them. They must “own” these teachings so that they continue to live by them when parents are no longer watching.

Moses also spoke about this principle in Deuteronomy 6:6-7: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” The goal is not merely that children hear the commandments but that they become imprinted on their hearts. Moses was calling parents to make God’s truth a natural part of everyday life, ingraining it deeply in their children so that it would influence them long after they left their parents’ homes.

From Renters to Owners

A crucial distinction for parents to understand is the difference between children being “renters” of values versus being “owners.” As long as children are under our care, there is a temptation to assume that because they obey the rules, they are fully committed to the values behind those rules. However, rented values are often temporary—children follow them when it’s convenient, but they haven’t necessarily embraced them as their own. The danger is that when parents are no longer present to enforce those values, the children may abandon them.

Ownership, on the other hand, happens when children take personal responsibility for their beliefs and decisions. When children “own” the values you’ve taught them, they continue to live by those values even when no one is watching. In Luke 6:45, Jesus says, “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” The values in their hearts will naturally influence their words and actions. True ownership transforms these values from external obligations into internal convictions.

Practical Steps for Encouraging Ownership

Model the Values You Want Them to Own
Children learn by watching their parents. They may not always listen to what we say, but they closely observe how we live. Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” As parents, we need to ensure that our lives reflect the values we desire for our children. If we want them to own biblical truth, we must first live it consistently ourselves.

Ask Questions to Encourage Discovery
Asking thoughtful questions can help your children discover and internalize biblical truths on their own. Jesus often used questions to lead His followers toward deeper understanding (Luke 10:25-37, Matthew 16:13-20). By asking questions, you encourage critical thinking and help your children connect their faith to real-life decisions, fostering personal ownership of biblical values.

Create a Culture of Conversation
Encourage questions and discussions about faith, values, and moral decisions. This cultivates an environment where children feel free to wrestle with doubts and make sense of their beliefs. We already looked at Deuteronomy 6:6-7: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Through healthy conversations, children move from passive acceptance to active engagement with the truths they’ve learned.

Encourage Friendships with Those Who Share Your Values
The company children keep has a significant influence on their lives and decisions. Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Encouraging your children to develop friendships with others who share their biblical values can help reinforce those values. Being surrounded by peers who live out their faith will challenge and support them in their walk with Christ. Help them find communities—whether in church, youth groups, or at school—where they can form meaningful, godly friendships.

Pray for Transformation
Ultimately, the transformation from renting values to owning them is a work of the Holy Spirit. As parents, we must fervently pray that God will soften our children’s hearts and open their minds to fully embrace His truth. Ezekiel 36:26 speaks of God giving us new hearts: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.” This new heart is what makes our values their values, so pray for it in your kids!

Takeaway

The ultimate goal of Christian parenting is to see our children leave home not just adhering to the rules we set but embracing the values we’ve passed on. This journey from “renting” to “owning” values is a gradual but critical process. Through modeling, encouragement, conversation, friendships, and prayer, we can help our children take full ownership of their faith and values, ensuring that they will continue to walk in God’s ways long after they have left our homes. As they do, they will become not just reflections of us, but true followers of Christ, equipped to navigate the world with His wisdom and love.