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Anger happens. Someone flips you off on the road. Your spouse leaves out the milk all night. Your neighbor’s dog goes to the bathroom on your lawn. These situations, and countless others, tend to make us angry. But do we have to let anger control us? No. By applying these four biblical principles, we can learn to overcome this powerful emotion.

1. Be Slow to Anger

There’s no rush to react when someone offends you. Take a few deep breaths, keep your mouth closed, and give yourself a moment to process before responding. We tend to get into trouble when we allow our tempers to flare too quickly. A wise person decides ahead of time to keep a level head. Even though anger will still come, being mindful of it can help us slow down and respond more wisely.

James 1:19 – “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

2. Try Not to Say Anything Negative Right Away

Anger and negativity go hand in hand. When we get upset, it’s easy to lash out with critical words. Instead of tearing others down, try giving yourself a challenge: Don’t say anything negative for the next 24 hours. No matter what happens, resist the urge to be critical. If you succeed for 24 hours, try to extend it to 48. This discipline can help break the cycle of reactive anger.

3. Think About the Consequences

How long will it take to undo something said or done in anger? Often, if we considered the consequences beforehand, we would choose not to lash out. Words spoken in a flash of anger can have lasting effects. Instead of responding impulsively, wait until your anger subsides so you don’t pay the high price of an unchecked temper. If you practice slowing down your anger, you’ll naturally consider the consequences before you react.

4. Don’t Ruminate

A cow chews its food, swallows it, regurgitates it, and chews it again. Sometimes, we do the same thing with our anger—replaying an offense over and over, thinking about what we should have said. But dwelling on anger only increases its intensity and can even harm our physical health. Instead of stewing in bitterness, pray for the person you’re upset with. It’s hard to stay mad at someone you’re praying for.

Hebrews 12:15 – “Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.”

Anger is a natural emotion, but it doesn’t have to control us. By being slow to anger, speaking positively, considering the consequences, and refusing to dwell on offenses, we can break free from the grip of uncontrolled anger. More importantly, we reflect God’s grace and patience to those around us.

Talking Points:
  • Anger isn’t inevitable. We can train ourselves to be slow to react instead of letting emotions dictate our actions (James 1:19).
  • Words have power. Negative words spoken in anger can have lasting effects, so it’s best to remain silent when emotions are high.
  • Think before you react. If we take time to consider the consequences of our anger, we’ll be less likely to act on impulse.
  • Dwelling on anger makes it worse. Replaying offenses over and over only fuels bitterness. Instead, we should pray for the person we’re angry with (Hebrews 12:15).
  • Overcoming anger is a spiritual discipline. The more we practice patience, self-control, and forgiveness, the easier it becomes to manage our emotions.
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the lesson?
  2. What are some common triggers for your anger? How do you usually respond?
  3. Read James 1:19. How does being “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry” change how we handle difficult situations?
  4. Have you ever regretted something you said in anger? How did it impact your relationships?
  5. Why do you think dwelling on an offense makes anger worse? How can prayer help shift your perspective?
  6. Think about a time when you chose patience over anger. What was the result?
  7. How does learning to control anger reflect the character of Christ to others?
  8. What practical steps can you take to be slower to anger in your daily life?
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