To avoid being a weird small group, look at your gatherings through a newcomer’s eyes. Don’t put guests on the spot, don’t rely on habits only insiders understand, and don’t assume everyone thinks like you. When leaders are willing to set aside comfortable traditions for the sake of guests, the group stays open to people who are taking their next step toward Jesus.
Why Newcomers Notice What You Don’t
If your group is invitational, and it should be, people will show up who don’t know how you do things. A guest might walk in any week, and first impressions stick. If the evening feels awkward or uncomfortable, chances are good they won’t come back, and they may quietly decide that church people just aren’t for them.
The tricky part is that the habits that feel normal to long-time members can feel strange to someone new. The apostle Paul saw this same problem in the church at Corinth, where believers were doing things in their gatherings that made perfect sense to them but confused outsiders.
1 Corinthians 14:23 So if the whole church comes together and everyone speaks in tongues, and inquirers or unbelievers come in, will they not say that you are out of your mind?
Paul’s point is that we should think about how our gatherings land with the people who don’t know the routine yet. Put yourself in their place. Don’t make them do all the adapting. If you want guests to take a next step toward Jesus, be sensitive to what they’re experiencing.
Common Habits That Feel Weird to Guests
Most “weird” moments come from good intentions. Asking a first-time guest to share a struggle in their marriage, inviting everyone to pray out loud around the circle, or launching into a song everyone else seems to know can leave a newcomer feeling exposed. The same goes for unusual group exercises, physical touch like shoulder rubs, or a sudden foot-washing night that’s meaningful to regulars but baffling to someone on their first visit.
Language matters too. Phrases like “washed in the blood of the lamb” or “I prayed the prayer” are rich for believers but can sound like code to someone who didn’t grow up in church. And when a group drifts into politics or hot-button social issues, guests who see things differently will feel like outsiders before they ever hear about Jesus.
Colossians 4:5-6 Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Wisdom toward outsiders doesn’t mean hiding the gospel or watering down the truth. It means removing unnecessary obstacles so the real message is clear. Explain terms when you use them, let people opt in to sharing and praying, and keep the focus on Jesus rather than on insider traditions or opinions.
Surrender Your Preferences for the Sake of Others
Long-time group members may cherish some of their practices, and there’s nothing wrong with loving the way your group does life together. But when a tradition keeps newcomers at arm’s length, it’s time to hold it loosely. A group’s purpose is to help people pursue God, not to protect the preferences of the people already in the room.
Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Humility shows up in small choices: skipping the inside joke, saving the deeper sharing for a later week, or explaining what’s coming next. A good rule of thumb is that if you suspect something might be weird, it probably is. And if you’re unsure, ask your co-leader or coach for honest feedback, or check out these tips on making your group welcoming to guests.
The Takeaway
To avoid being a weird small group, see your gatherings through a guest’s eyes. Don’t put people on the spot, don’t rely on insider habits or jargon, and be willing to surrender your own preferences. A humble, thoughtful group makes it easier for newcomers to come back and keep taking steps toward Jesus.
