Can I have sex before marriage? This is an interesting question but it is the wrong question. Of course you “can”. You can do whatever you want. A better question is “should” you have sex before marriage. An even better question we should always be asking is “what leads to the most joy?” Asking if we “can” do something puts us on a spectrum of trying to “tow the line” or push the boundary. The other is about where is the most joy, satisfaction or fulfillment. This relates to everything in our life; job, school, relationships, as well as to sex.
Sex is Sacred
Sometime we don’t realize that our sexuality is a deeply sacred and beautiful thing in us. It is close to our identity, so it almost feels a part of who we are. God has designed the world to work in a certain way. There is almost a music or dance going on in the universe that involves all areas of our lives. We can either submit to that music or we can put a wrench in the system. God designed sex to be sacred, deep, beautiful, amazing and rich. Similar to fire, sex can lead to warmth and good things. However, when it is out of bounds it can wreak havoc on our lives.
Viewing Ourselves as a Whole Person
People don’t always realize that they are one whole being. This can result in a low view of the physical body. We don’t realize that what we do with our body actually communicates something bigger and deeper. When we are having sex with someone, we are communicating this deep level of oneness that we were all created to experience. We can’t have any more transparency or vulnerability than when we are having sex. We see the real person, all their hurts, pain and scars and by having sex you are communicating, “I still want you”. That is what true sex was created to be. You can’t really have that outside the covenant of marriage. Marriage is a promise to be together no matter happens. So within that covenant, a person can fully take off their masks, be fully seen by each other and have true oneness. When there is still an option of breaking up with that person this oneness cannot happen.
Communicating With Your Body
In sex, you are basically communicating your wedding vows. You are saying you want to be with the person through sickness and health, richer or poorer, etc. Don’t get in a position where your body is saying something that your life is not saying. If you are not willing to say that you want to be one with that person no matter what happens in life, don’t let your body say that. Don’t let your body say something that you are not willing to say with the rest of your life. God wants to show us what true joy and shalom is all about.
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- “Don’t get yourself into a position where you body is saying something you’re not ready for your life to say.” Explain this idea. Do you agree?
- Why do you think so many people today have sex before marriage? Do you think it helps or hurts marriage? Explain.
- How do you think sex involves the whole person?
- What do you think is God’s vision for your sex life?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.