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Porn is a destructive force that destroys intimacy in marriage.


That’s what’s wrong with pornography. Intimacy. The damage it does to intimacy. How it prevents future intimacy. The human heart is wired for intimacy, and pornography inhibits your ability to have it.

[Related: Pornography Addiction in Marriage]

We Program Ourselves

We program ourselves to respond the way we do to pornography. It is not “just how we are.” We teach ourselves over time to adopt habits and addictions, like those to pornography. Pornography is not inevitable or inescapable, despite what some may say.

[Related: Why Abstain from Pornography?]

We Can Reprogram Ourselves

The good news is that no matter how bad your addiction to pornography has been, you can reprogram yourself not to use it. The challenge is that it will take an equal amount of time and effort to reprogram yourself as it did to program yourself.

[Related: How Porn Destroys Marriage]

So think of it now: do you want to inhibit yourself from forming an intimate relationship or from growing in sexual intimacy in your marriage relationship? If the answer is “no,” choose today to stop looking at pornography. Admit to yourself that it is a problem and an addiction, not just a harmless pastime. Confess it to God and to a trusted Christian friend who will ask the tough questions and keep you accountable. Don’t let pornography sabotage your marital intimacy any longer.

Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. Have you ever struggled with pornography while married? Why do you think you struggled with it or are struggling with it? Share as you are comfortable.
  3. When and how did your use of/addiction to pornography start?
  4. How has intimacy with your spouse been affected by your use of pornography? Explain.
  5. Read 1 John 1:9. What’s your job in regard to your sin? What is God’s job? Do you have some things to confess to your spouse as well?
  6. How can you start “reprogramming” yourself away from pornography? List at least one practical step you can start today.
  7. Who are some people in your life you can turn to for help getting out from under this addiction?
  8. What other action steps must you take this week? This month? This year?
  9. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
This topic is adapted from the BiolaUniversity YouTube channel. Written content for this topic by Daniel Martin.