Rebuilding trust requires intentional effort. Here are several principles to keep in mind as you and your spouse work to rebuild trust.
Prayer
As you begin this journey to rebuild trust with your spouse, stay connected with what God wants for both of you. Just like the author of the letter in the video, pray for your spouse and your marriage. Pray that God will also give you the persistence you need to rebuild the trust and avoid slipping into any of your old habits that led to the breach of trust. As the author of 1 John tells early Christians, “And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him” (1 John 5:15).
Rebuilding trust with your spouse fits this definition of something that pleases God.
Time
Rebuilding trust requires an accumulation of actions over a period of time. You can’t force trust on your spouse with one event or conversation. The amount of time is going to depend on your relationship and how the trust was broken. It can take a while.
Transparency
Tell your spouse about your intentions to rebuild trust in your relationship. As a part of that process, let your spouse know when you will be home and where you are going. Following through will help restore your relationship.
Forgiveness
Remember that God has forgiven you, even if you or your spouse struggle to do so. As Paul explains in Romans, “Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us.” (Romans 5:1). If you have a relationship with God through Jesus, recognize that he forgives you, so you no longer need to live in guilt and shame.
Rebuilding trust is not an easy process. There will be days when you see that trust is still not restored despite your efforts. This is where patience and prayer are important. A mentor can also help hold you accountable for being patient and transparent with your spouse. The good news is that both you and your spouse would probably like to see trust rebuilt.
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- Which of these aspects of rebuilding trust will be most challenging? Why?
- List examples of how you can be transparent with your spouse.
- Have you been able to forgive yourself for how you broke the trust? Why or why not?
- What other steps can you take to restore a damaged marriage?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
This topic is adapted from the ChristianMarriageTV YouTube channel.
