Have you been in an argument and think you apologized, but your spouse says you didn’t? That’s because you might be speaking a different language.
Talking Points:
- Expressing regret: Some people want to hear you express regret. Rooted in emotions, they want you to acknowledge the emotional pain you’ve caused them.
- Take Responsibility: Some people want to hear you accept responsibility. This is where you take ownership and stop making excuses.
- Make restitution: Some people want you to make restitution. They want you to right a wrong and to make up for the pain that was caused.
- Genuine Repentance: Some people want to see genuine repentance. They want to know the specific things you’ll do differently next time. 2 Corinthians 7:10
- Requesting Forgiveness: Some people want to hear you ask for forgiveness. The request to be forgiven demonstrates that you know you messed up.
Discussion Questions:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- In an argument, which of you is quicker to try to make things right? Explain. Why is it hard to say “I’m sorry?”
- What does an apology mean to you? What does it communicate to you?
- Based on the video, which apology language sounds like yours? What do you guess is your spouse’s language?
- How do you think your conflicts will change with this new insight knowing how your spouse needs to hear an apology?
- Read 2 Corinthians 7:10. What’s the difference between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow? What do you think Paul means by “worldly sorrow brings death?”
- Read Colossians 3:13. Identify all the action steps this verse outlines. What challenges you most from this verse? Why is it significant to remember how Christ forgives us?
- If you haven’t already, take the apology inventory to find out your apology language and share it with your spouse.
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Adapted from When Sorry Isn’t Enough by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas.
