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This topic is adapted from THE BEAT by Allen Parr YouTube channel. This is part 2 of 4 in the Christian Men and Dating series.

Why is it so hard to find a good Christian woman? Could it be that men are looking in the wrong places for women with qualities that won’t make them happy? Christian men shouldn’t be looking for the next fling…they should be searching for a wife. This journey is difficult and hard to navigate. The character qualities a Christian man desires in a woman are hard to pinpoint and even harder to find.

[Related: Why Many Christian Men Remain Single | Christian Men and Dating #1]

Seek a Wife After God

Christian men should want a woman who loves God. There is no more important trait to find in a future wife than a personal walk with Jesus. Dating for Christian men should always be viewed through the lense of potential marriage. Men need to carefully and prayerfully consider a woman’s commitments to her spiritual life. Does she go to church regularly? Is she reading her Bible on a regular basis? Relationships need to be built upon a solid foundation. If only one person in a relationship had built their house on solid rock, the sand could sink them both. (See Matthew 7:24-29.)

First…Look for Beauty Within

Looks fade. They actually fade much faster than you might think. A fresh faced twenty-year-old girl turns into a sleep-deprived mother of two in her thirties in the blink of an eye. When men choose a woman of kind spirit, good character, and inner beauty, this inevitable change won’t bother them so much. Life can take a toll on men and women alike, but a woman who is loved for who she is has a never-ending beauty. Christian men should seek a woman who shines from the inside out.

Second…Attraction Must Exist

As much as inner beauty is very important, men need to find pursue a woman they are attracted too. Sex plays an important part in marriage. Desire, passion, and excitement can help bond and drive a couple closer together. In addition to finding an inner beauty, the Christian male needs to seek out a girl that lights them of fire. A woman who exercises and takes care of herself will carry over those habits into marriage. Men and women are not unlike in this area, both want a partner they can be proud to take out on a date.

A Partner…not a Master or a Servant

Christian men can sometimes misinterpret the biblical ideal for marriage. When men expect to have a wife who follows them from behind and obeys without question, they are setting their marriage up for disaster. God designed the woman to walk alongside the man. Women are to be partners in marriage. Christian men should be seeking women who are not afraid to speak up and voice their opinions. At the same time, women should have the humility and submissiveness to disagree respectfully. Marriage is a team sport. While men and women have different roles and responsibilities, the game is won when they work together.

Find a Best Friend

The happiest marriages are enjoyed by best friends. It can be difficult to separate the romantic feelings from the practical ones, especially when the relationship is new. The relationships that hold off on the physical stuff and focus on building a genuine friendship that lasts a lifetime. Have you ever seen a couple completely engaged in conversation, laughing, and just enjoying each others’ company? They don’t need to hang on each other or kiss every five second. A couple like this is tuned into a higher frequency of relationship. Christian men should seek a best friend and life partner for marriage.

One of the most important steps in finding a potential wife is knowing what qualities to seek and to exhibit those same qualities yourself.

Written content for this topic by Jesse Price.

Discussion Questions:

  1. Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
  2. What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
  3. What are the top three qualities you are seeking in a future spouse? How does your list overlap with or differ from those Allen Parr lists?
  4. Which of the qualities listed in this topic appeal most to you? Why?
  5. Which of the qualities listed in this topic have been/are a challenge for you? Why?
  6. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

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