Sex is an important part of a healthy marriage. That’s why it’s so important for pre-marital couples to be on the same page about past experiences, expectations, and ultimately God’s purpose and design for sex. Here are 3 things you’ll want to know before you tie the knot:
The right information about your own personal story
Hopefully, you have already had the talk about your sexual history, if there is one to tell. If you haven’t, then you need to have that conversation right away. You both need to know what you’re getting into with this union. Past sexual experiences can have health implications for both you and your fiance. It’s also important for building trust. Neither of you want to feel like there is secret information out there.
If you have a “past”, make sure you ask for forgiveness from your fiance that you shared things with others that should have been saved for him/her. Also, make sure to repent before the Lord of past sins. He promises to forgive you and make you new.
2 Corinthians 5:17-19 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.
The right expectations about sex in marriage
It’s not like the movies. Sex in marriage isn’t supposed to be based on lust. It should be based on love and commitment. And, sex can be challenging, especially for women. It can be painful and unfulfilling. Men usually have an easier time with sex. Most men are fully satisfied each time they are intimate but the wife may not. You will have to work together to find ways to meet the needs of your wife. It will require working together to find ways to serve one another. It shouldn’t be cheapened by selfish desires but should be an opportunity to serve the other.
1 Corinthians 7:3-4 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
The right solutions for potential struggles with sex
If you struggle, don’t be embarrassed to talk to each other about it. You’re becoming one which means how one feels affects the other. Wives don’t want to feel like they get attention from their husband only when he wants some action. Husbands don’t want to feel like their wife withholds sex as a punishment when she’s mad. Be on the same page about how sex works and where improvements need to be made. Know this, more couples struggle with sex in marriage than don’t. If and when you struggle, that doesn’t mean you’re weird or incompatible. It just means you have some work to do like any other area of your relationship. Be ready to seek counsel from godly people who can help you work through your issues.
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- Have you already talked as a couple about your sexual history? How did it go?
- Are there unresolved issues surrounding this issue? Explain.
- Why is it important to have the right expectations regarding sex?
- What can happen if your expectations are very different from your fiance’s?
- Why shouldn’t sex be based on lust?
- Why is it important to communicate about sex in your marriage?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.