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This topic is adapted from the Michael and Amanda YouTube channel. This is part 3 of 4 in the Christian Men and Dating series.

What women want in a man has been a thoroughly investigated subject. Popular culture influences men to act in specific ways to attract women, but most of these behaviors run counter to biblical ideals. For Christian men, the question isn’t about what women want in a man, but what Christian women want in a man.

[Related: What Christian Men Want in a Woman | Christian Men and Dating #2]

Respect and Dignity

Christian women are not looking for a slick player. Women want and need to be treated with respect and kindness. Pickup lines are not a good idea. Christian ladies are going to respond to a kind gentlemen over a smooth talker. Finding a wife is not a sprint but a marathon. A guy who approaches a woman and treats her as though every second he spends with her is valuable will have a much better chance at getting a date.

Boundaries

Relationships and architecture both require a solid foundation. A building with a shaky foundation may stand for a decade, but it will eventually crumble. Christian women want a man who is willing to take the time to build a solid relational foundation. Sometimes this starts with friendship. Men often desire the romantic, exciting parts of dating while neglecting the friendship part. The funny thing is if you become friends first and truly get to know each other, your marriage will be way further along than many others. Dating off the bat isn’t always the best course. There is nothing wrong with getting to know a woman well and letting her see how far you are willing to go in order to find the right partner.

The Possibility of a Future

Let’s say a guy manages to land a date with a nice Christian girl. Now what? A majority of Christian women are going to be looking for a guy who can provide a future for them. With this in mind, a few actions will propel a man beyond the rest of the pack.

One, don’t dress like a hobo. It’s perfectly ok to be casual, but to a woman, a well-kept man shows her how highly he thinks of her. If a woman’s date shows up in flip flops and board shorts the man is broadcasting “I just want to be comfortable.” When arriving to a date, a man’s appearance should tell the woman, “I want very much to impress you and show you the level of class I believe you possess.” Men don’t need three piece suits or fancy clothes all the time, but putting some effort into cleaning up well will go a long way.

Secondly, men should pay for dinner. This isn’t a sexist thing at all. Paying for dinner shows you can provide and you want to treat this woman well.

Not Every Other Guy

Too many Christian men look and behave exactly like non Christian men. Christian women see this very clearly. The culture today tells men that chivalry and manners are dead and that the time of casual sex and freedom is here. This isn’t the way a biblical relationship is formed. Men can easily be set apart from the world and just about every other guy by being the opposite of today’s culture. Open doors, be polite, and strive to remain pure in dating life. Purity can be a very tough issue but it can also be a key differentiator. Have your friends keep you accountable. When a woman sees a deep desire to keep a pure heart and relationship with Jesus, she will also know how seriously that man will guard their own heart.

[Related: The Lost Art of Dating]

Being a Christian in today’s world can be a huge struggle, especially in the years leading up to marriage. If the true desire of a man’s heart is to find a girl that loves Jesus, patience is a must. Remember that a Christian woman doesn’t want to see the same men that the world throws at her. Become a man who treats women respectfully, with kindness, and with purity. The closer men come to being a man of true integrity, the wider that door to a woman’s heart will open.

Written content for this topic by Jesse Price.

Discussion Questions:

  1. Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
  2. What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
  3. How does being different from the world make a man more attractive to Christian women?
  4. What do you think about having a chaperone attend a date or about group dating? How could this help or hinder dating? Explain.
  5. Key qualities are respectfulness, kindness, purity, manners, responsibility, diligence, etc. Are there any of these qualities you would like to see in yourself that aren’t there yet? What steps must you take to develop these qualities?
  6. How could you use a friend to hold you accountable on a date? Give an example.
  7. Do you think the way a man dresses and keeps himself matters to a woman? Why or why not?
  8. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

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