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This topic is adapted from the PursueGOD Men YouTube channel. This is topic 2 of 6 in the Point Man series. This topic is adapted from Chapter 1 of Steve Farrar’s book Point Man.

Back when our culture was predominantly agricultural, fathers spent much of their time at home with and near their children. The Industrial Revolution moved fathers out of the home for the greatest part of the day and created separation between them and their children. The Internet Revolution has created further separation with both dads and children “checking-out” on their phones and computers. Dads today have to be even more determined to be present for our kids.

[Related: Parenting on Purpose]

Dads Need to “Be There” Physically for Their Kids

Spending quality time with your children may require sacrifice on your part. Going to your son’s or daughter’s school, games, recitals, or concerts may have much more of an impact on their lives than taking that next promotion. Fatherhood is more than paying for their food and activities, it’s about physically being there. Maybe you need to re-evaluate the priorities in your life. Maybe you need to make a correction to your career trajectory to be present for your kids?

[Related: Parenting with God’s Design in Mind]

Dads Need to “Be There” Emotionally for Their Kids

This one could be a little harder for many men. It’s much easier for us to do the physical stuff and leave the emotional stuff to our wives. Allow yourself to be more vulnerable with your kids. We have to deliberately be more intentional about our parenting, paying more attention to our kids’ emotional states. Engage them and ask questions about their feelings. You may be surprised to discover that your kids want you to be there emotionally – even if they’re not acting like it.

[Related Series: Parenting Teens]

“Being there” for your kids both physically and emotionally will have life-long positive effects on their lives. But it doesn’t happen automatically. We have to actively take steps to make it occur. Perhaps a career adjustment or simply a re-evaluation of our priorities will help us put their needs or desires ahead of our own? The important thing is put forth the effort and the time to be there for your kids.

[Related: The Dad Scorecard: 4 Ways to Invest in Your Kids]

Discussion Questions:

  1. Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
  2. What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
  3. On average, how much time did your dad spend with you every week? What kinds of things did you do together? What do you wish he did more?
  4. On average, how much time do you spend with your kids? What kinds of things do you do together? What do you wish you could do more?
  5. How do you try to connect emotionally with your kids? Explain.
  6. What are some of the “boundaries” you should maintain with your kids? Why?
  7. Make a list of the activities that demand the majority of your time.  Are there ways you could reduce/eliminate some of these?  Are any of these activities more important than time with your children?
  8. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

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