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This topic is adapted from the PursueGOD Couples YouTube channel.

Cory and Rhonda join Pastor Bryan in the studio to talk about the dangers of allowing your spouse to become just a roommate.

[Related: Love Is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling]

Video Highlights:

  • Kids are one of the main ways spouses can begin relating more like roommates. You’re so busy running your kids from activity to activity and getting caught up in the to-do list that you forget to check in with your spouse. If this pattern persists, you will feel disconnected from your spouse.
  • Careers and technology can also create divides. Instead of taking time to connect, you are distracted by responsibilities at work or your Twitter feed.
  • The danger of this is that once the kids are gone and distractions go away, suddenly you’re looking at each other feeling like strangers. There is no intimacy left.
  • In order to correct this pattern, the first thing you need to do is recognize the problem. Be honest about how each of you feel about the marriage and why you feel distant and disconnected. Then, you need to remember that your marriage came first, before kids and the other distractions. You need to get back to connecting as a couple like you did in the beginning.
  • Start dating your spouse again. Don’t fill your conversation with work or issues with the kids. Just connect as a couple and share what’s going on in your heart and mind.
  • If you want to reignite your marriage connection, you have to choose to connect. You have to make room in your schedule and room in your heart to let your spouse in again. Making your marriage a priority is a great example to show your kids of what a healthy marriage looks like.
  • Another great way to reconnect with your spouse is to pray and read the Bible together. It’s good for both of you to be reminded of what honors God and what doesn’t.

Don’t be roommates with your spouse. Make time for one another and develop a closeness that you don’t experience with anyone else.

[Related: Develop Your Love Map]

Discussion Questions:

  1. Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
  2. What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
  3. On a scale from 1-10, how connected do you feel to your spouse right now. Explain.
  4. In your opinion, what are the distractions that have pulled you apart? When did that distance begin?
  5. Have you been honest with your feelings up to now? Explain.
  6. What have you done in the past to try to connect? What worked and what didn’t?
  7. Read Ephesians 5:28-31. What does this passage say about how we are to love? What are some things you can start doing to connect with and love your spouse more?
  8. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

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