The Importance of Relationships in Mentoring

This topic is adapted from the PursueGOD Mentor YouTube channel.

Being a mentor means delivering truth in love, and one of the strongest ways to show love is to build and maintain a relationship. JD speaks with Pastor Bryan about a mentoring relationship that has grown over the years.

Relationships Start with a Commitment

For this mentoring relationship, JD knew it was going to be a challenge to begin a relationship because of their differing backgrounds. There was not a pre-existing relationship between them, so they had to create and build a mentoring relationship from the ground up. By committing to meeting at a certain day and time and following the FLEX method structure, JD and his mentee were able to start building the trust that is so vital for healthy mentoring.

Consider Hebrews 10:24-25 where we are reminded to “not neglect our meeting together” so that we can help others be diligent followers of Christ. Demonstrating this commitment is a way of establishing respect early on in mentoring. For JD, his mentee gave him a measure of respect going in, but JD had to continue to earn respect as they went along. As he continued to demonstrate his commitment to mentoring, their relationship was able to grow on a personal level as well.

Beginning with Structure

Using the FLEX method and tools provided on pursueGOD.org is a great way to have a set structure for a mentoring relationship. A solid structure is an extension of commitment. JD describes it as setting a time and day and knowing that they will each be coming to the conversation knowing the topic and prepared to talk about it. This structure helps to create the relationship, giving it consistency and providing a formula for building trust and respect while leading someone in their pursuit of God.

While structure helps create that relationship, the relationship is not a slave to structure. For JD and his mentee, over time the structure changed but the relationship still remains. The structure of their initial conversations has now taken a backseat to a connection that leads the mentoring.

Make it Personal

JD made sure to always start his conversations with checking in and catching up with the mentee’s life. How was his week? How is his family? For JD, this helped to not only build but to also maintain and grow the relationship. Their conversations weren’t just about a topic, but about people and their lives. This personalization allowed the topics they covered to become more relevant and powerful as they applied them to things going on in their lives. Then once the relational part was covered, they dove into the structure of the FLEX method for study.

As Pastor Bryan described it, we speak love and truth relationally, and for JD this meant making sure that personal connection was made each time they picked up the phone. Through the changes in each of their lives, the relationship they established maintained the mentoring connection when the structure they started with was no longer feasible. Without taking the time to make each meeting personal, they might not still be in a mentoring relationship.

Relationship Is not the Only Goal

While making a strong connection and building a relationship is important to mentoring, it is not the ultimate and singular goal. The focus should be on equipping the mentee to mentor others once they have reached that point in their pursuit of God. Creating full-circle followers of Christ is done through relationships that come from mentoring. It is possible to have relationship, truth, and purpose all come together through mentoring, and JD’s story is an excellent example of this.

Written content for this topic by Andi Dolinsky-Webb.

Discussion Questions:

Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
What are some ways of earning respect at the beginning of your relationship as a mentor? How do you maintain that respect as the relationship progresses?
Read John 15:12-15. How did Jesus demonstrate his love for his disciples? Are there times when it is harder to show love while teaching a difficult lesson?
Have you experienced challenges in building relationships in mentoring? If so, how have you overcome them?
What are some strategies you can use for building a relationship while mentoring someone from a different background, or in a different stage of life as JD and his mentee were?
Write a personal action step based on this conversation.