God’s Design for Marriage
We didn’t invent the concept of marriage, it was God’s idea. His purpose and design for marriage is found in the Bible. If you want your marriage to be healthy and strong, follow the blueprints God provided.
Talking Points:
- Marriage is defined biblically as one man and one woman joined together for life. Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-6
- At marriage you become “one” with your spouse. But this new “couples identity” doesn’t require you to forfeit your individual identities. Psalm 139:13-15
- Your family of origin had a major impact on who you are today. For some, “leaving and cleaving” may be a difficult task.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Read Genesis 2:24. What’s the significance of two people becoming one in marriage? What do you think that means practically?
- What happens when one or both are selfish in the marriage?
- Briefly describe your family of origin. What did your family teach you about marriage? Who do you think will struggle more with separating from their family? Explain.
- What do you think your “couple identity” will look like once you’re married? What hobbies will you share and what will you pursue individually?
- Read Matthew 19:4-6. What do you think about divorce? How have you seen it cause damage among couples and families?
- Make sure to take the Couple Survey (see workbook) before your next meeting.
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Pre-marriage Basics: Love is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling
Talking Points:
- Modern culture depicts love as a feeling that comes and goes. Many couples use this unrealistic standard to measure the quality of love in their marriage.
- The Bible paints a different picture for marital love: Love is a choice, not just a feeling. Love is based on a promise and is represented by our marriage vows. Proverbs 20:25
- The ultimate analogy for love is how Christ loves his church. He gave up his life for his “bride” even though he didn’t feel like it. Ephesians 5:25-27
Discussion:
- Review the Couple’s Survey. Highlight any discrepancies or areas of concern. Revisit those problem areas as you move through each lesson in the series.
- Describe how you think our culture (through entertainment or popular opinion) views love and marriage. Explain. How might those views be fueling the divorce rate in our country?
- Make two lists: (1) good feelings you’ve felt in your relationship (2) bad feelings you’ve felt in your relationship. How have those feelings helped and hurt your relationship?
- Read Proverbs 20:25. Do you think most couples understand the commitment they’re making on their wedding day? Explain. Review the common vows you hear in a wedding. Why do we choose to say those things?
- Read Ephesians 5:25-27. What did Christ do to set his bride (the Church) apart? List some sacrifices you anticipate making once you’re married. Explain your list.
- Homework: Watch the 5 love languages to discover your love languages and come next session with some practical ways you will start speaking your partner’s love language.
See Also:
Pre-Marriage Basics: Trust is Earned, Not Freely Given
Talking Points:
- Trust is relying on the integrity or ability of another person. Your ability to truly trust someone is based on their character, not yours. Deuteronomy 7:9
- Trust is earned, not freely given. That’s why every spouse needs to work hard to earn trust from their spouse everyday.
- Trust is reactive and measurable. Building trust happens slowly over time, like building up a savings account.
- Trust is reactive, but forgiveness is proactive. Extending forgiveness opens the door to restoring broken trust. Colossians 3:12-13
Discussion:
- Review the definition of trust. What is the basis of trust? Describe a time you gave trust to someone who hadn’t proven their integrity to you? What was the result?
- Identify one area where you’ve had a hard time trusting your fiance. Why has it been hard to trust them? Identify an area where your fiance has a hard time trusting you? Why?
- Review the 3 components to trust (reactive, measurable, takes time). Think about that area where your fiance has a hard time trusting you. How will you incorporate these components to start building that trust?
- Read Deuteronomy 7:9. What does it say about God that He is willing to earn our trust? Share ways God has earned your trust.
- Read Colossians 3:12-13. What role does forgiveness play in earning trust? Is there an area where you need to extend forgiveness to your fiance, even if he/she still has trust to earn?
- Homework: Watch What’s Your Apology Language? Be ready to share your insights at the next meeting.
See Also:
Pre-Marriage Basics #3: Healthy Couples Keep Talking
Talking Points:
- Healthy couples keep talking, even when it leads to conflict. Fighting is good and helpful if you do it the right way. Ephesians 4:29
- Avoid the three unhealthy “Fight Languages”: escalation, withdrawal, and invalidation. These habits become the issues that derail you from talking about the issue you’re trying to solve.
- Healthy communicators use “I feel…because” statements instead of pointing fingers at their spouse. Learn to be an active listener and work together to find solutions.
Discussion:
- How did your parents fight? What did their example teach you about conflict?
- On a scale from 1-10, when you argue how often do you feel like your fiance doesn’t understand your point of view? In your opinion, what contributes to the breakdown?
- What’s your primary “Fight Language”? How has that gotten you into trouble in the past?
- Read Ephesians 4:29. On a scale from 1-10, rate your ability to use your words constructively. In what ways can you improve?
- Review the good habits of communication. Which skill do you need to work on the most? How can those skills help you the next time you have a conflict?
- Why are action steps important in resolving conflict? What is likely to happen if you don’t formulate a plan?
- Homework: Peruse the other topics found in the #premarriage tab and choose a few more topics to do either as a couple or with your marriage mentors.
See Also:
- What’s the Best Way to Start Off a Marriage?
- What’s Your Apology Language?
- What You Need to Know about Sex Before You Get Married
- Pre-Marriage Basics: Trust is Earned, Not Freely Given
- Pre-marriage Basics: Love is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling
- Pre-Marriage Basics #3: Healthy Couples Keep Talking
- Personality Types In Marriage
- Let the Budget Be the Bad Guy
- Learning the Third Love Language: Giving Gifts | 5 Love Languages #4
- Learning the Second Love Language: Quality Time | 5 Love Languages #3
- Learning the Fourth Love Language: Acts of Service | 5 Love Languages #5
- Learning the First Love Language: Words of Affirmation | 5 Love Languages #2
- Learning the Fifth Love Language: Physical Touch | 5 Love Languages #6
- Learning the 5 Love Languages
- Learn How To Really Listen to Your Spouse
- Is Sex Before Marriage Normal?
- Is It OK for Christians to Live Together Before They Get Married?
- How Do You Know Someone Is “The One”?
- Here’s What to Do If You Have Had Sex Before Marriage
- God’s Design for Marriage
- Don’t Blow Off Pre-Marriage Counseling
- Develop Your Love Map
- Cohabitation vs. Commitment
- Am I Ready to Get Married?