The book The Five Love Languages gives us a very practical guide for understanding how to love. The ultimate goal is to love your spouse in their love language. In this video, we’re introducing the first one which is called Words of Affirmation.
- Affirmation means you speak words of love, encouragement and admiration to someone. (Ex. “You’re smart, you’re beautiful or sexy, or you’re a hard worker”) (1 Thessalonians 5:11 Proverbs 31:28)
- People with this language need to hear affirming things in order to feel loved. It’s not that it’s just nice to hear, it’s how they actually feel loved.
- As with all of the love languages, the goal is to become fluent in the language of your spouse. So, you’ll both have to be patient and gracious with one another as you learn to speak in each other’s language. (Ephesians 5:25-29)
- Don’t lose sight of the ultimate goal of learning about the love languages. Your goal is to love your spouse the way they need to be loved. It will require selflessness and sacrifice to get there. Don’t give up and get frustrated when you fail. Keep going. Keep trying.
- If this is the primary language of your spouse, go on a fact finding mission and ask them what feels the most affirming to them. Find out if there are certain areas of their life that they like to be affirmed in more than others or the best way to communicate your affirmation.
If your spouse identifies this as one of their love languages, start affirming! See what a difference it makes in your marriage to speak in the language of your spouse.
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- Share a time that you heard meaningful affirmation from someone (co-worker, boss, child, spouse, friend). What impact did that have on you?
- Have you ever been wounded by someone’s un-affirming words? What impact did that have on you?
- What are some examples of affirming things you can say to your spouse? How about to your kids? How about to friends or colleagues?
- Read Ephesians 5:25-29. What does this passage say about how we should love in marriage? How do the love languages support this idea?
- Why is it important to be patient with your spouse as they learn how to speak affirming words to you? What is likely to happen if you grow impatient?
- If this is your love language, what are some things you can do to help your spouse to better speak your language?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.