Jump to Questions

This lesson was adapted from the Mat & Est YouTube channel. 

Many people struggle with the question, “Should I change when I’m in a relationship?” And what does it mean to change, anyway? Is it just about making a few tweaks to your life, or are you supposed to become a different person for the good of your partner? Mat & Est tackle that tough question here.

[Related: The Lost Art of Dating]

Video Highlights:

  • We are always changing, growing, and developing.
  • If we are always changing, then the main question is not if we are changing, but who we are changing for and what we are allowing to influence us.
  • Mat made a change in his lifestyle by texting Est more often so she would feel more involved in his life while they were dating and didn’t see each other often.

Change is inevitable. But who you are changing into is not. If you love someone, be willing to make positive changes for them and to seek compromise. They’re going to change for you, too! And most importantly, make sure that both of you are changing more and more into the people God has called and created you to be.

Discussion Questions:

  1. Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
  2. What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
  3. Has anyone ever asked you to change whether they were friends, a boyfriend/girlfriend, someone from church, or a parent? What happened?
  4. How different are you now than you were last year? What about five years ago, or ten years ago? What’s one big difference between who you are now and who you used to be?
  5. What might be be different about you five years from now?
  6. What do you think is the difference between “healthy change” and “unhealthy change” (what Mat calls “control”)?
  7. Was it wrong for Est to ask Mat to text her regularly if he isn’t really a big texter? Why or why not?
  8. Who are you letting change you?
  9. Is the person/thing who is changing you drawing you closer to God? Explain.
  10. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

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