In this series we are looking at what happens if we act on bad advice. With that in mind, how many of you have a goal to commit to ruining your marriage one day? You know, go out and commit adultery, neglect your spouse, fool around on the side. No one would say they plan on ruining their marriage. Yet people do it all the time. The fact that none of you plan on doing this would probably imply that you embrace the truth from the Book of Exodus.
Exodus 20:14 You shall not commit adultery.
How to Ruin a Marriage
If you want to wreck your marriage and ruin your life here are three pieces of bad advice:
Neglect Your Marriage
It begins by just letting yourself go. If you used to take care of yourself, just don’t do that anymore. Take your spouse completely for granted. Don’t talk. Don’t have any kind of emotional intimacy whatsoever. Don’t share your feelings.
Enjoy Common Interests and Form an Emotional Bond with Someone Else
What you want to do is find someone who shares some common interests and is attractive, then do a lot of things with them. Then start hiding the relationship from your spouse. Don’t let your spouse know about the other person. Delete messages from your phone and your computer.
Make Excuses and Rationalize Your Actions
Make excuses like: “I have needs after all. I’m just human God wants me to be happy.”
Then blame your spouse. That helps you to feel better about yourself. Tell yourself, “Well, I’m not happy anyway and it’s their fault.”
How To Make a Marriage Work
Do Whatever It Takes to Radically Reduce the Risk
When we talk about sexual sin, it’s interesting to note that every other type of sin in the Bible tells us to fight it, to make war against it, to resist it. But sexual sin is the only sin that doesn’t say fight or resist. Flee! Run, Forrest, run.
1 Corinthians 16:18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.
God couldn’t be any clearer here. He shouts, “Don’t stand around and try to fight it. Don’t resist it, get your hind end out of Dodge. Flee from sexual immorality.”
Proverbs 5:8 Stay away from her! Don’t go near the door of her house! If you do, you will lose your honor and will lose to merciless people all you have achieved. Strangers will consume your wealth, and someone else will enjoy the fruit of your labor. In the end you will groan in anguish when disease consumes your body.
The line of sin starts before we commit an action. It actually starts in our minds and in our hearts. Even before we do something, it starts with a mindset. For so many people, the line of sin is in the wrong place. We’re going to make sure we know the line starts in the mind and in the eyes and in the heart.
Do Whatever It Takes to Invest Passionately in Your Marriage
Proverbs 5:18-20 Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth…May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman…
If the grass looks greener somewhere else, it’s time to water your own yard! Be intoxicated with the love of your own spouse. In fact, the word in the original Hebrew that is translated as “captivated” carries the idea of being intoxicated, ravished, consumed and enraptured with someone.
Get alone time. The difference between just taking one night every week for time together without distractions is a complete game-changer. Get spiritual again. If you pray together, it’s a game changer. You talk about what God is doing. Get intimate once in awhile. It is so important to keep the fire burning in your love life.
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- Do you believe in love at first sight? When it comes to adultery do you feel it mostly occurs instantly (love at first sight) or is a usually a process?
- When you hear people talk about an “emotional affair” what do they mean?
- Read 1 Corinthians 16:18. Why do you think we are told to flee sexual sin rather than fight it?
- When you look at your current relationships, do you think they draw you closer to God and to your spouse or pull you away?
- What are some specific steps that you can take that would help you protect your marriage?
- Describe some things any couple can do to make their marriage better.
- What are some things that your spouse would say that you could do to add meaning to your relationship? Are they different from what you would say?
- Read Isaiah 54:5. God describes himself as our husband. Do you think it is possible to commit “spiritual adultery”.
- Read Jeremiah 3:20. What two things are described in this verse?
- Why do you think God used the picture of a marriage relationship to describe his relationship with the people of Israel?
- How might your relationship to God impact your relationship with your spouse?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.