God created us for friendship. We aren’t designed to go through life alone, but to be connected in healthy relationships. Yet, real friendship seems to be increasingly rare in our modern age. People consistently report fewer and less meaningful friendships in their lives. In this conversation, we’ll discuss the power of friendship and how to be a real friend vs. a fake friend.
Friendship is a double-edged sword
God created us for friendship and it can be a powerful force for good in our lives. God can use it to bless us with a richness and depth of life that we can’t experience alone.
Proverbs 27:9 The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.
However, friendship can also be powerfully negative in our lives. Unhealthy friendships can hurt and disappoint us and can lead us off track and away from pursuing God.
Proverbs 18:24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin.
Proverbs 22:24-25 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.
Knowing the power of friendship should cause us to seek out real friends and move us to be real friends as well.
Fake friendship is easy; Real friendship is hard work
Fake friends always keep things on the surface. There is little commitment, little sacrifice and little expectation. It’s OK to have some casual friends like this, but understand that this is not real friendship and won’t ultimately satisfy our desire for friendship. Real friendship is hard work because it takes time, commitment, sacrifice, consistency, investment, and genuine care. This is harder, but definitely worth it.
A great example of this type of hard work in friendship is David and Jonathan. They were best friends that faced many trials. Each of them had to make great sacrifices to serve the other.
1 Samuel 20:16-17 So Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, saying, “May the Lord destroy all your enemies!” And Jonathan made David reaffirm his vow of friendship again, for Jonathan loved David as he loved himself.
The hard work of friendship includes being available, even when it’s inconvenient. It means moving beyond the surface to real conversations, and being willing to work at forgiveness and restoration when conflict inevitably arises.
Fake friends keep their mouths shut; Real friends are willing to challenge
All of us have shortcomings and weaknesses in our lives and character. Fake friends see these but don’t say anything because they don’t want to stir up any trouble. Real friends love you enough to lovingly challenge you in these areas.
Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.
Proverbs 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Sometimes this can hurt, but we embrace challenge from real friends because we believe that they are seeking our best.
Matthew 7:4-5 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.
In this passage, Jesus assumes that we love our friend enough to help them deal with their problem. Of course, we need to make sure we’re not being hypocrites and do it in a loving way, but real friends love enough to challenge when it’s necessary.
Specifically, the best way to challenge a friend is to help them go full-circle in their pursuit of God. If you see that there is some way in which they are not trusting Jesus or honoring God or helping others in their lives, you should love them enough to challenge them in these ways.
Jesus modeled true friendship
Jesus Christ is the ultimate example of real friendship. He loved us enough to proclaim the truth to us and even to die on our behalf.
John 15:13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
If you want to experience true friendship, it has to start with connecting with Jesus Christ.
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- Share an example of when a friend was a true blessing in your life. Are these experiences more common or more rare? Why?
- Read Proverbs 18:24. What are some ways that unhealthy friendships can cause “ruin” in our lives?
- Read 1 Samuel 20:12-17. What are some unique ways that Jonathan showed true friendship toward David in this passage? What can their example of friendship teach us today?
- Share some examples of the “hard work” that is involved in real friendship.
- Read Proverbs 27:6;17. Share an example of when a friend challenged you when you needed it.
- Why is it often tempting not to challenge a friend even when it’s obvious they need it? How do we overcome this temptation?
- Jesus calls his followers his “friends.” In what ways is Jesus practically our friend?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
