Some people treat the bible like a fortune cookie or a road map to answer every specific question of one’s life. In reality it is a grand narrative about one person, Jesus, and how he redeems people from their sin. So you can’t go to the Bible and find the answer to what specific person should be your marriage partner.
The challenges of the one “right” person
The idea that there is only one person for each person is not very logical. One person who marries the wrong person would cause changes for all future generations. Also, the thought that there is only one right person for you puts a tremendous amount of pressure on that person. No matter how good your partner is, they cannot meet all needs and expectations. Only Jesus can fulfill all of that.
Prepare to be the right person
Instead of you looking for the one right person, it would be better to be preparing yourself to be the right person for someone else. Looking for the one right person can be self serving. You are looking for someone with certain attributes to make your own life easier, to keep yourself from having to change or to grow. Actually, dating or eventually marriage, is a way that God makes us more holy, not just happy. In loving another, we become more like Jesus.
Freedom to choose
If you are in community with other believers, are seeking the truth of scripture in your life and are not living with unrepentent sin, you can choose who you want. There is freedom in that. Marriage is really about treating the other person with love, grace and mercy. There is a danger in having the “one right person” attitude and that is that you can miss good and godly people that are all around you. The standard of finding that one right person is so high that you may be walking right by a great person.
God gives you freedom to choose when you are living in community with him and living in intimacy with him. When you do this, you start to see people differently. You begin to notice people in your life who might make a good partner, a person who would be on mission with you, and someone with whom you can accomplish what God has called you to do.
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- What are some qualities that you look for in a marriage partner? Do you think these are what God would want for you?
- Have you spent much time thinking about how you could prepare to be a better partner? What are some things that you think might be good for you to work on?
- When you think of looking for a future spouse, do you think more about what you could give or what you could get in that relationship?
- Read Romans 12:1-2 How do you think a marriage relationship would be different if a person had this attitude rather than one of trying to serve themselves?
- Read Ephesians 5:1-2 Discuss this verse and what God desires of us. How might the concept of walking in love change your attitude toward a future spouse?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.