Guys, have you done something where you really have blown it bad? You have done something that caused you to lose the trust of your wife. Maybe it is infidelity, or maybe a porn addiction. The way you respond at a time like this is absolutely critical. Some guys make excuses; some surround themselves with people who are more messed up than they are so that they don’t have to feel so bad. There is another way, you could take responsibility and make things right. To do this, you need to ask yourself two questions.
Question #1 Have you really repented?
There are two types of sorrow. One is a sorrow that I got caught. The other is a godly sorrow. It is a sorry because you know that you have done something wrong. You truly feel sorry that you have hurt your wife or your kids. You allow God to shine the spotlight on your life and you take responsibility for what you have done. In the Bible, we see Adam’s response to his sin. When God confronts Adam he immediately blames Eve. He is unwilling to take ownership for what he has done and is unwilling to truly repent.
2 Corinthians 7:10 For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.
Question #2 What will you change?
You need to be willing to do something about it. What do you need to do to make this right? The fruit of a changed life is actually doing something. Demonstrate by your actions that you are a changed man. This might be something as radical as getting rid of your computer if you have a porn addiction. Maybe you need to be honest with another man who can hold you accountable. Be willing to do anything to win back the trust of those you have hurt.
So, if you have really blown it, don’t tuck your tail and run. Ask yourself two questions. Have I really repented and how will I change?
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- “The way you respond after you’ve screwed up is one of the most critical points in your marriage.” What is your default response when you screw up? What is your wife’s default response?
- Read Genesis 3:11-13. Whom did Adam blame for his sin? Whom did Eve blame? Have you ever done this?
- Talk about the sinful ways to respond to sin. Make a list.
- Read 2 Corinthians 7:10. Explain the difference between “worldly sorrow” and “godly sorrow”.
- “Genuine change is the fruit of repentance.” Are you ready to do something to show that you’re a changed man?
- Name one or two men who can help hold you accountable to God for your choices.
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.