Step 7 Toward Recovery | A Humble Heart

Speaker 0 00:00:01 Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Pursue God podcast. I’m in the studio today with Pastor Mark, pastor Eric on Pastor Brian, and today we’re in step number seven on the Road to recovery. So, people who are struggling with addiction of any type at all, we’ve made it to step seven. And Mark, why don’t you start by telling us what is step seven from the big book aa? And then what is, how does it connect to some of the other steps we’ve already talked about?

Speaker 1 00:00:29 In step seven, uh, says, we humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings. And I would say this is, this is really related to, um, step four, where we made a searching and fearless moral inventory, you know, and, and also step six, where we narrowed, narrowed in, um, got a little more detailed on that, um, by, we were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. So, so we’ve just kind of narrowed in more and more on these little, the ways that we operate that have pulled us in the wrong direction. And this is the step now where we’re really gonna get in there and try to try to turn all of these things around, try to turn these things over to God.

Speaker 2 00:01:16 Yeah. And I think that, you know, if you think about the order of this, step six says, we, we become ready. So we figured those things out, our character defects, and now, now we’re gonna ask God to remove them, remove our shortcomings. They just ch kind of changed the, the wording. It’s kind of the, it means the similar thing. But I think we’re all waiting for, okay, what does it look like then for God to remove this from me? What systematic steps can I take for God to do something and to work? And I think that what we’re gonna find out is this really, like a lot of our other steps goes back to all the way, even to step three, which is surrendering, right? Because our ways of trying to even repair and fix ourselves have, have not worked up until this point. And so we’ve been being prepared through humility to try to come to God now and say, okay, I’m gonna follow your steps. What do you want me to do? I am ready to surrender to your way because your way is better than my way. And that’s really what today’s step is gonna be all, all about, is having a humble heart and a humble attitude, trying to find out how do we do god’s will and in the process, is that how he will change our hearts and get rid of some of this stuff that we’re sick of dealing with?

Speaker 0 00:02:43 Yeah. So the operative word here is to be humble. And we’ve got a few, a few points about humility for people as you’re thinking about step number seven. And we’ve got some scripture that ties to all of this. And the first first point is this, that being humble means being real, not fake. Which I think for a lot of people struggling with addiction, really it’s for any human being, but especially I think with people struggling with addiction, it’s hard for people sometimes to be authentic, to be real.

Speaker 1 00:03:15 Yeah. I think that’s, that’s the, the hardest part is to be real, because we’re so used to hiding. Um, and it does, it takes humility to be real, because none of us have it together, whether you’re in addiction or not, you know, nobody, nobody really, if, if they’re being real, has it, has it all together. We all, we all struggle, we all fall short. And so it takes this humility. And for, for addicts though, I mean, there’s this extreme humility that we, that we come to, um, kind of the same way we talk about, we, we become extreme about honesty mm-hmm. <affirmative> in addiction. We, we also have to become extreme about humility. And I think they kind of go hand in hand. And the more honest we become, the more, the more humble we become. And so it’s, it’s really an important step here, the humility. If, if we don’t find that humility, these steps aren’t gonna work.

Speaker 0 00:04:10 So Jesus told this story in Luke chapter eight, starting in, or Luke chapter 18, starting in verse nine. He told a story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness, and he and who scorned everyone else. And here was his story. It’s a call, it’s called a parable. It’s the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector. I love this parable. I think it’s fun. So for listeners who’ve never read this before or heard this before, just sit back and enjoy this. This is a story from Jesus 2000 years ago, and it applies to the topic we’re talking about right now. He says, two men went into a bar, wait, no, wait, sorry, <laugh>. Two, two men went to the temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, the other was a despised tax collector. We’ll talk about tax collectors here in a second. And the Pharisee stood by himself, and he prayed this prayer.

Speaker 0 00:04:56 I thank you God, that I am not like other people. And I’m sure he’s looking over at the tax collector, cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that guy over there, the tax collector. He said, the Pharisees says, I fast twice a week, I give you a 10th of my income. And then it says in verse 13, but the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow. And he said, oh, God, be merciful to me for I’m a sinner. And then here’s the moral of the story. Verse 14. Jesus says this, I tell you the truth. This sinner, the tax collector, not the Pharisee, returned home, justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled. And those who humble themselves will be exalted. That’s the principle. Those who exalt themselves will eventually be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. Is that true, do you think, for people struggling with addiction?

Speaker 2 00:06:03 Yeah, I think that the pride that we see in this story is really what we’ve been trying to uncover in the last couple of steps, right? We’ve talked about how we despise that in others, but yet we have it in ourselves. And, and pride is the, the opposite of humility. And that pride is what keeps us going on and on in our addiction, because we’re unwilling to admit first and foremost that we have a problem, that we’re hurting people. We make all these excuses, right? Justifications, all that language is going on there with this, this Pharisee who is, uh, holier than thou, but yet he is basically the despised one. It says the despised tax collector. But this, this guy’s actions and attitudes are despicable. You know? He’s the one who, uh, just can’t see himself for who he truly is. He basically doesn’t even need God is ba is what he’s saying.

Speaker 2 00:07:02 He’s like, thank you that God, that I really don’t need you, that I’m just so good on my own, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And, and I think that’s the same with addicts sometimes. And I, I might be speaking a little harsh guys, but you know, I come, I’m, I’m, I have this righteous indignation towards that attitude because I personally hated it in myself, is when I start to justify my own actions, when I, you know, would make excuses for why I was the way that I was or, or not come to a place of humility. It just is what I know, that it’s what, what kept me in my cycle of craziness, just using and justifying and treating people however I wanted because I was so self-righteous and so, uh, selfish. Um, so in this story, yes, we, we, we see that, uh, pride, um, is ultimately a despicable sin that not just addicts, but all people are guilty of. But it’s certainly a sin in the Bible that, uh, shows us how weak we really are, how much we need Jesus, and that’s not gonna help us in our recovery at all.

Speaker 0 00:08:15 Now, you guys have worked with a lot of addicts that I would imagine look more like the tax collector in this story, right?

Speaker 1 00:08:22 Yeah. I think tho you know, that attitude is where I’ve seen the greatest success of people who have come to our groups or reached out for help. When, when we get to that, that point, that place where I call, you know, coming to the end of myself, that that’s where we’re, you know, you’re finally giving it over. You’re finally just, that’s the real surrender that we talk about in these steps in step three. And again, in step seven, we’re kind of talking about this idea of surrender. And, and that’s what that’s about. And you know, as, as Eric was talking about, um, you know, we, we seem to find ourselves almost flipping back and forth between these two characters mm-hmm. <affirmative> a lot of times in our lives. Hmm. And especially as addicts, you know, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll get into this attitude of being the Pharisee and, and even, even after I’ve recognized a lot of the, the stuff that I’ve done in my life, you know, the sinner that I am, sometimes I still play that comparison game where I’ll see somebody or something and, and I’ll just be like, man, thank goodness I haven’t done what that guy’s done.

Speaker 1 00:09:33 You know? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, it’s like, it’s like I still get caught up in that. And, and that’s, that’s, that’s a dangerous place to be. And so what I’m, if I do recognize myself, you know, kind of feeling that pride again, well up, I really need to check myself. I need to get back in connection with God and, and get that, that real view of myself again, and get back to that humility.

Speaker 0 00:09:58 And it’s, I I think we need to make a distinction between humility and self-loathing, because I, I betcha some people would be listening to this saying, oh, I’m, I’m humble. I hate myself. I hate myself for being an addict. I hate myself for what I do. Uh, we even see a little bit of that. It sounds like a little bit of that when Paul writes in Roman seven mm-hmm. That I dis mm-hmm. I, I, I can’t stand what I do, what I wanna do, I don’t end up doing. And what I, what I, what I don’t wanna do, I end up doing inevitably. And it’s like an addict speaking there. And I, I think we should make it clear that we’re not, we’re not talking about self-loathing because I think self-loathing is counterproductive as well. I think what’s important, it’s important to hate the sin in you, but I think you, you step a little bit too far when you, when you kind of have a pity party for yourself and you think that you’re terrible and that you could ne nothing good could ever happen to you, and you’re worthless because the message of the Bible to the addict isn’t that you’re worthless.

Speaker 0 00:11:04 Right? The message to the Bible is that you can find your worth in Jesus, right? This is what the end of the story was, is that the humble will be exalted. That the, the person who recognizes their need for God, Jesus used the word will be justified. Now, the word justified means that person will be made righteous. So the, the message of the Bible, the message of Jesus, the message of the cross isn’t, you’re a worthless scumbag. And, and, and once you realize you’re a worthless scumbag, then okay, then you’re good. And you need to just keep remembering you’re a worthless scumbag. Right? That’s not the message here. I wanna make sure we clarify that. The message here is, if you humble yourself and recognize that you can’t save yourself, right? Then what happens is when you turn to Christ in faith, when you turn to God in faith, we’ve talked about this in past episodes, then you can discover your worth in Jesus.

Speaker 0 00:12:06 That’s what Paul is getting at in Ephesians two, verse eight 90 says, God saved you by his grace when you believed. He didn’t say he saved you by his grace when you worked for it, when you started working the steps. Even he says, he saved you by his grace when you believed you can’t take credit for this, it’s a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things that, that you have done so that none of us can boast about it. Like this Pharisee was doing, he was boasting about it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I think it’s important to speak to the addict. The goal here isn’t to get you to feel worthless. The goal here is to see that your worth is in what Jesus did.

Speaker 2 00:12:47 Yeah. I totally agree with that. And, and although we’ve done some things that are scummy <laugh>, uh, I, I like the part because it’s not about being worthless. Um, although I, I admit that I’ve been a scumbag sometimes, you know, in my life. It’s not that I ever call myself worthless, especially as a Christian, because if, if I’m a child of God, and if God, God, you know, through this gift in Ephesians two, eight and nine, you know, saved me by his grace, it was a gift from God. This, this faith I have is a gift from God. If he decided that I was worth becoming his child, then that ascribes a lot of value to me, uh, infinite value. If he said that I am willing to trade my one and only beloved son so that you can be my child, that means I’m worth a lot to God.

Speaker 2 00:13:48 And so that’s what I tell, tell people oftentimes is like, yeah, you know, some people are mad at me, but God thinks I’m a big deal. You know, <laugh> God thinks I’m a big enough deal to die for me. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and so, uh, I think having that, that right is, is, is good, so that we don’t fall into the shame cycle. The guilt cycle again, just ha humility is really just recognizing that we don’t know it all. And another example is being teachable, right? Saying, I admit that my way isn’t the best way, but God provided a way for me, so I should follow that way. There is a better way. And so that’s part of being humble, is knowing that there’s a better way than the way that I have taken. One of the things I did want to mention was that the difference between, um, the Pharisee and the tax collector might have been that the Pharisee probably hasn’t had to experience a whole lot of consequences in his life.

Speaker 2 00:14:51 And so, and the tax collector probably has struggled a lot and therefore has had reason to see his faults. And I’ll say this as a practical example, working with people, and in my own life, but working with a lot of addicts, I can kind of tell, uh, people who are ready and who are not, people who are ready are people who, you know, aren’t being self-loathing, but they are saying, I am willing, I am willing to follow. Like, how can you help me? Tell me what to do? I’ve been through so much. Yes, I’ve hurt people. Yes, I have wasted years of my life. And, and yes, I’ve done these things. And so, um, I want to do what’s right. I want to follow God. I want to get clean. Like, those are the type of people that are ready. And oftentimes it’s because they were given a gift of possibly discipline from God.

Speaker 2 00:15:47 Uh, you know, the, the Bible says that God is in control of a lot of things, including, you know, including even probably like down to the practical level of law enforcement, you know, where, you know, people get arrested or people get in trouble for doing things. And the Bible says that those authorities are in place to punish evil and reward good. And, and part of that is God is using these things as a discipline to put boundaries on his people. Now, I’m not saying that I completely agree with the whole world system of how we do things, but I am saying that God is ultimately in control, e even in a corrupt system. And I would say, you know, that God uses discipline and disciplinary actions through, through different means by getting in trouble by your wife, catching you in the act or by, you know, the Bible says that your sin will find you out.

Speaker 2 00:16:44 And so, I, I’ve always said this, that God loves me enough to let me get caught to not let me go too far. Now, that’s a prayer that I pray for some of these people who do come into these groups and they’re not ready yet. And they, they keep going back out. And they’re, they’ve got this pride about them. They don’t have this humility and willingness yet. And I’m like, uh, God, I, you know, maybe they need to hit rock bottom or something. Maybe something needs to happen in their life to wake them up. And so I think that, you know, for the Pharisee, nothing has really happened. His heart is hardened. He’s got the pride. But for the tax collector, he’s probably had a lot of wake up calls in his life. He’s had people speak out against him. Um, and he feels an internal conviction, um, that he’s not worthy to stand there in front of God and say, Hey, I’m doing everything right.

Speaker 0 00:17:37 Yeah. And we don’t know what happened in the, you know, Jesus doesn’t get into the backstory, right? We don’t know what happened, what might have triggered this response from the tax collector. But what we do know about tax collectors is this, especially the presumption is it’s a Jewish tax collector. So a Jewish tax collector is collecting taxes for the Romans, right? So a Jewish tax collector would go to the Jewish people, and a lot of times extort tax from the Jewish people for the Romans, who the Jewish people saw the Romans as their oppressors. And so when, when Jesus uses the tax collector, the reason, the reason he uses this guy is because it literally is the scum of the earth from the vantage point of the Jewish listener and the Pharisee. And so how offensive was it to the Pharisee to hear this story?

Speaker 0 00:18:30 And you are the bad guy. And the tax collector’s, the good guy, and Jesus was, was painting this picture this way because he was trying to, it’s like hyperbole. He’s trying to show that there is nobody, there is nobody who is too far from the grace and the reach of God, as long as you’d humble yourself. That was the tax collector. The tax collector was like a, was shock value when he says two guys walk into a bar para and a tax collector. Yeah. That’s shock value kind of stuff. And I think in our culture today, maybe that’s how an addict feels. An a addict feels like the scum of the earth. And, and, and I think Jesus is appealing to the addict who feels like the scum of the earth, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, he’s appealing to the guy who recognize, who can relate to the tax collector. So if that’s you today, this story is for you.

Speaker 1 00:19:25 Yeah, that’s exactly right. I, this, this is, this is that place where we can fall into those two different areas. Like, like Brian was talking about, there’s that self-loathing which serves no purpose and, and really isn’t true because that’s the story of the Bible is it’s the good news that, that God loved us enough to send Jesus to rescue us. So there’s no reason for self-hatred. He loves us that much, that he was willing to do that to, for, for Jesus to suffer the way he did for him, for him to be despised. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> our savior and to suffer and die for us. I mean, that, that that’s him telling us how much he loves us. So if another thing for, for me to go into self-loathing and self-hatred, if I, if I don’t really know, understand this truth, um, that’s another form of pride that’s elevating my opinion above God’s.

Speaker 0 00:20:31 Yeah, that’s good. And it’s, what it’s doing is it keeps the focus on you, right? It keeps instead of, again, look at the tax collector’s prayer. The focus wasn’t about him. The foc you could tell he had gotten to this point in his life where he was looking outward and he recognized that the solution wasn’t inside of him. And so even self, self-loathing is really a, it is just what the enemy wants to do is just to keep you focused on yourself. Whether the focus on yourself is cuz you’re a prideful Pharisee, or whether the focus on yourself is cuz you’re a self-loathing tax collector. The point is, when you get that, when you get that conviction in your heart is then to turn to God and say, y I know you have the solution mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I know that you can, that you can make me whole again.

Speaker 0 00:21:21 And that you can give me value in worth. Again, Eric, last week I was talking to a couple that you’ve been working with and the, the woman who had had, has had an addiction. One of the things she said to me that really just struck me was, I’ve just really learned how to identify the lies that I have believed. And this was one of the lies that she believed is that she was worthless and that there was no victory in sight for her. And so what that did, that lie kept her in her shame cycle and kept her hiding the truth from her husband. And so then it kept her in bondage. And one of the things that just has really set her free is this truth, this truth that, that Jesus loves her and that she’s precious to him and that she can live in freedom and she doesn’t have to hide it anymore.

Speaker 2 00:22:10 Yeah. And that’s the key to our recovery and and success is first and foremost recognizing, uh, you know, as we come to this step, we’re humbling, ask humbly asking God to remove these shortcomings. We’re coming to him knowing that we can’t, but he can. I mean, that’s the whole thing of, of Ephesians 2 89. God saved you by his grace. Grace means unmerited, undeserved favor. God is bestowing favor on us cuz he thinks we’re worth it, he thinks we’re valuable, and he just wants us to give him the credit instead of trying to take, taking the credit back on ourselves. And when we can say, okay, I’m not worthless, but I do need God. Okay? Like, I find my worth in him. I find my value in him. Outside of him, there is no hope, but with him, he’s got all the hope, all the power.

Speaker 2 00:23:06 And so I’m gonna say, so I can’t do this on my own. That’s me being humble, giving him the credit and saying he can, and, and then doing the surrendering part and saying, okay, so I think I’m gonna let him do it now. Right? And so, so then that, that takes us kind of to our last, last step of the lesson is, so what do we do? What’s the practical step? Because again, this has all been internal heart and mind, you know, realizations. Um, I think a lot of us have come to the point now maybe you’re, you’re there and you’ve, you’ve tried religion, religions, you’ve tried, you know, know, seeking programs and you’ve tried all these different things and maybe you, none of them have worked. And so what we’re saying here is through humility, will you trust a better way? And then the third thing is, will you be humble enough to walk in it? Will you be humble enough to go find out how to follow God’s way since he thinks you’re valuable enough and he’s provided the way? Are you humble enough to go do it now and go find out what pleases him and, and do the good things that he’s called us to do?

Speaker 0 00:24:21 Yeah. Because we read Ephesians two, eight and nine, right? Which said that we’re saved by grace through faith. It’s not about works. It’s what God does. It’s not what you do, which is really the theological summation of the parable that Jesus told. But then verse 10 says this, and a lot of Christians stop short of verse 10, but I love that Verse 10 sort of finishes the story. It says, for we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us a new in Christ Jesus so we can do the good things that he planned for us long ago. There’s so much there. What it’s saying is the reason he sets us free, the reason he extends this gift of grace and forgiveness and freedom is not just so that we can be consumers and sit back and, and be mm-hmm. <affirmative> and have this lavish gift that we get to just play with and keep to ourself.

Speaker 0 00:25:11 No, he did all of that so we can do the good things that he planned so that we could get to work, so that we could proactively kind of go on the offensive and now do things in a practical way that bring him honor and glory and a lot, a a lot for an addict. A lot of that is staying clean, right? And probably working some of these other, other steps that we’re gonna be talking about. But what I love about that verse is it says that he planned these things long ago. That this isn’t just, uh, an afterthought for him. No, no. When you were, before you were even born, he had in mind Mark and Eric that you guys would be in ministry, that you guys would be helping. So many people get freedom from addiction. And it’s not just you guys, anyone listening to this, that’s true of them too. If God is calling them, then God has a job for them to do.

Speaker 1 00:25:59 Yeah. When we read that, that verse, you know, for we are God’s masterpiece, it makes me think about, you know, God as a sculptor, right? And he, he does, he has a, a something that he’s gonna sculpt us into his masterpiece, but we need to be sculpted, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> that, and that’s what these, these steps were really about, was, was finding the things that need to be sculpted off of us. And he, and it says, you know, that, that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Now, this step, this step seven, I think is kind of the culmination of step three, where, you know, we made the decision to turn our will in our, our lives over to the care of God. Step seven is now where we’re, we’re kind of culminating that idea. We’re finally giving, giving all of ourselves over to him.

Speaker 1 00:26:52 And now we can start to do the, i, I think the good things he calls us to do. You know, as Jesus said, the greatest commandment to love God and to love others. And what we’ll find as we go through the rest of these steps is that now we’re starting to get outside of ourselves. We’re going to, you know, start making amends. And, you know, the, the 12th step is all about going and serving other people. And that’s what’s gonna happen now, is we’re actually going to be living out the purpose that God has for us. And we’re gonna find that we are able to see amazing things happen when we give our lives to God and we let him use them and, and take that all that selfishness, all the, the, just the lies, everything we’ve lived in. I mean, it all fades away when we give our lives to him. And he can. He just, he just gives us a new life, a completely new life.

Speaker 2 00:27:46 Man. I just had this, you know, I don’t want to call it a vision, but like, I just had this picture in my mind, like a good story or analogy that I feel like fits for this. And, and we’re talking about purpose now, basically that we were saved not just to be saved, but for a purpose. He wants to use us now for something. And as we walk in that we will find that some of the old parts of us die off and we start to find out new things about ourselves. It’s a new way of life, right? And so every human being is created for a purpose. And I was thinking about, you know, you know, maybe my life or, or like the addict’s life. And then in recovery in this kind of scenario, we’re all created for a purpose, like a tool, right? Uniquely gifted, even with different tools, right? You’ve got a hammer is a tool, scissors are a tool. They’re not used for the same thing. And if you try to make it, do you know something? Like if you try to use a hammer to, um, screw in a screw, it’s not very good, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But if you use it to pound things right? Some, some people would say that that’s, I’m the, the spiritual hammer <laugh>.

Speaker 2 00:29:01 That’s good. And I was thinking that, like, think about it, like imagine in your mind, shut your eyes unless you’re driving right now, but just close your eyes and just imagine a nice little three or four pound sledgehammer, but it was worn down and, and rusty and the handle fell off and some wood splintered out, and it’s been left out in the cold and it’s all muddy and broken. Um, and then somebody found it and come and picked it up and cleaned it off and grinded the rust off and found a new handle and put it in there. And now is using it to be able to do great works, to build great things. And I feel like that’s the same, that’s a, an analogy of, of the Christian or the person in recovery and recovering through Christ is, you know, that hammer could not clean itself up.

Speaker 2 00:29:57 Um, it got left out, it got abandoned, it was misused, um, and it was in a sad state. But God comes along and cleans us up like that hammer picks us up, gives us a new purpose, and cleans us up and, and sets us, uh, on the right path to be useful now for the purpose in which he created us for. I think it’s so beautiful to think of it that way. And that is what we’re saying is, you know, we’ve got some shortcomings, some things that we need to clean off. You talked about God as a sculptor, and yes, you know, the scriptures talk about he’s, he’s the potter. We’re the clay. He’s the, he’s the master, you know, uh, clay worker, you know, and if you think about sculpting sometimes, you know, if we were a sculpture and sometimes things have to get cut off, you know, and the that hurts mm-hmm. <affirmative>.

Speaker 2 00:30:49 And we’re talking about God come and remove these, these defects of character from us and, and it might hurt and it might be a process, but we’re asking God to come and to mold us into shape us into the man or woman that he desires for us to be the thing that he planned out for us. And so, again, we have to have that surrender attitude and say, okay, I believe you God, that not only did you come to save me because you love me and you think I’m valuable, but you have something for me to do. And when you start to figure that out, that purpose, man, it is, is beautiful because you’re no longer living for yourself anymore. You’re, you’re learning to take your unique story, help other people. You’re, you’re learning to not sit there and focus on you all the time and start to be like Christ who was so others focused that, uh, he blows any other, you know, great, uh, person that’s ever lived out of the water because he, he died for the whole world.

Speaker 0 00:31:51 So that’s step number seven to recovery. I humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings. And again, you can find, uh, video to go along with this and discussion questions so that you can talk about this with your small group or with your sponsor, with a mentor. And, uh, we just really encourage you, uh, to do that. Find all of it at pursue god.org/recovery. And why don’t we just end, uh, just with one more thing here from Mark.

Speaker 1 00:32:17 Yeah. We’ve got this seventh step prayer that I think is really, really powerful. So we’re gonna close by praying this together, my creator, I’m now willing that you should have all of me good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character, which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen.
Speaker 2 00:32:49 Amen.